The quest giver lived right next to the house that the party had burned down a while ago, with all the skeletons in their cellar. The windows were suspiciously big, but the mark on the sword matched the mark on the door, and given the thieves guild were, on the balance of probabilities, Evil, this had to mean that the quest givers were Good. That was just basic logic.

Also the sword was made of gold. Who ever heard of a villain with a golden sword?

Still, Qube was on high alert as Sexy Screamy Spider Lady threw open the front door. They hadn’t even locked it — the home owners must have been very trusting. The entrance was dark-stained wood, and the furniture, while sparse, looked expensive. The air was musty, like it had been closed up for a long time.

“Greetings!” A elderly woman tottered towards them. “Have you come about my family’s sword?” She seemed like a wispy old woman, her hair pulled back into a bun, her eyes milky and vague. Her clothes were rich-looking, made of heavy-looking fabrics.

Like the thieves, she seemed to be looking somewhere off in the distance, towards the Royal Treasury. It was rather disconcerting. Was this how Sewer Bard felt whenever people ignored him in favour of the Chosen One, Qube wondered. It didn’t upset or outrage her like it seemed to him but it was mildly disconcerting to have them staring off like that.

Qube pulled out the sword from her backpack and handed it to the Hunter, who presented it to the quest giver with a flourish.

“Ah this sword. It’s been in my family for generations. I thought that my heart would break when I discovered that it had been stolen,” the elderly lady started shuffling over to a battered desk. Hopefully to give them a pile of gold. Qube found herself struggling to focus on the story the lady was telling, she was so excited to find out how much money she was going to get. If it was enough, maybe she could buy a second book! She hadn’t even looked at what else was on the shelf. Maybe there were other treasures, new items that she hadn’t noticed.

Or maybe there were books she could buy at Construct Crossroads, if they ever got there. The whole world would be her bookstore!

“And the city guards are so corrupt nowadays, I knew it was pointless going to them.”

Huh, it was kind of strange that she hadn’t just notified the guards. Also, the thieves guild wasn’t exactly well-hidden. How was it allowed to operate in the city? Just another sign of the corruption caused by the Evil Emperor’s rule. Qube was sure that the old King and Queen would never have allowed such a situation in their kingdom.

Did that mean that the city guards were Evil too? Were they supposed to defeat any civil servants they came across? Was being lazy and/or corrupt Evil enough that they should slay them, or were they just following the Evil Emperor’s orders? Did following Evil orders make you Evil, regardless of whether or not you agreed with them? What about someone like Definitely Bad Guy who, while obviously being a very Good person, had been forced to do Evil things in order to stay undercover as the Evil Emperor’s Mage Advisor. Was it possible to do Evil for Good reasons?

Qube felt like she had stepped into a swamp. She would have to ask the Chosen One.

“Alas, I have so little to give you. The thieves took everything of value.”

Qube stared at the little old lady. What was she saying? Where was the gold? She wanted her to just get to the point and skip over all this —

Wait, was this how the Chosen One felt all the time?

“I have waited here so long for someone to bring back my family’s heirloom. I am so very tired. I feel you are worthy of having this home. It’s had a lot of good memories, but now I must move on —“

“What?!” Qube burst out. “The reward was supposed to be gold!”

“My sweet little old lady, I believe the reward mentioned gold,” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady said, her voice as smooth as silk.

“This house is worth more than any gold. It’s priceless. You can decorate it as you wish, and purchase any furniture you want from —“

“I don’t need a house! I need a book!” Qube said furiously. The elder, naturally, couldn’t hear her.

“Thank you,” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady said, handing over the golden sword.

“No! Don’t give that to her!” Qube yelled, but the old lady had already touched the golden sword, causing it to disappear. “No! Give that back! You haven’t paid for it!”

“Here is the deed,” the home owner continued, gesturing to a scroll of paper on the battered desk. Qube resisted the temptation to snatch it and throw it on the ground. She was furiously thinking, trying to solve this puzzle.

“Sexy Screamy Spider Lady, tell her she can sell the house and give us the money from it. Or if not, ask her where we can sell it.”

“Are you not happy with your own little home, my dear?” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady looked down at the half-elf in surprise. “Or do you wish to still be sowing your wild oats?”

“I don’t know anything about farming,” Qube retorted angrily. She took a deep breath. “Sorry. I don’t mean to snap. But I need the money, not the house.”

“Thank you, kind adventurer. Now I may finally rest,” the little old lady said, before becoming transparent and dissolving into wisps of blue light.

It took Qube and Sexy Screamy Spider Lady some time to stop screaming.

“What was that? What was that?” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady kept repeating.

“She disappeared!” Qube couldn’t tear her eyes away from the spot where the old lady had vanished. “Did she teleport? Did she die? Was she a ghost? What happened?” She waved her hand through where the lady had been standing. Nothing. She wasn’t invisible.

“My first very own quest and my quest giver was a ghost. And I didn’t even get the reward.” Tears welled up in her eyes. She’d been so proud to think up a solution to her money problem, have her very own quest, make her own gold, and buy a book to improve herself. Instead, she was left with a house she couldn’t even use because she was too busy saving the world.

It was a total and utter failure. She had failed. Failure was unacceptable. She had to be perfect.

“Hey, why are you all in a house?” the warm voice of her best friend penetrated through the fog swirling around in Qube’s mind.

Qube pivoted around.

“Chosen One!” she exclaimed. “What are you — how — why — you were supposed to wait for us at the Royal Treasury!”

“Hah, yeah, that was never going to happen,” the Chosen One laughed, waving away her objection.

“How did you find us?” she spluttered. Even with the strength of her bond with him she wouldn’t have been able to find him unaided.

“Oh, I just followed Sexy Screamy Spider Lady’s marker,” the Hero said, nodding at the arachnid. She preened.

“Her marker? You marked her?” Qube flushed bright red as she realised what she’d just asked. “Never mind! That’s fine! I need to — uh — where are Sewer Bard and Definitely Bad Guy?” she asked, desperately scrambling for a topic change.

That was when she heard the singing. The terribly, terribly off-pitch singing. And, in the distance, the sound of delighted screams.

“They’re right behind me,” Chosen One grinned.

Oh no.

—-

The scene Qube walked into would have made a far stronger heart than hers quail. Sewer Bard, a cravat tied around his head for some reason, was loudly slapping at his lute strings and yelling some words in a vaguely melodic manner. Squiggles, whom they had forgotten to collect after her visit to the Royal Observatory, Qube suddenly realised guiltily, was squiggling in a circle around him, causing all the people attempting to walk up and shush the Bard to suddenly scream in delight and run away. Once they got far enough away they would turn around and walk back to shush the Bard, only to turn and run away again.

Definitely Bad Guy was walking next to the zig-zagging Bard, his own steps very deliberate and slow. He seemed to be watching his own feet with a great deal of fascination.

“I took them to the inn after the Royal Treasury,” Chosen One helpfully explained as Qube looked on in horror. “I wanted to see if they could get drunk.”

Sewer Bard bumped into a lantern pole, and swept it a complicated bow while apologising profusely.

“They can,” Chosen One added gleefully.

“Chosen One. Why have you gotten our party members drunk?” Qube asked, still discombobulated from all the emotions she’d experienced in the last hour.

“To see what would happen,” the Hero said, as if that explained everything.

Sadly enough, it actually did. Qube closed her eyes, then reopened them immediately.

“Wait, how did you pay for all their drinks? Chosen one, what happened at the Royal Treasury?”

The Chosen One scowled at her semi-playfully.

“What, don’t you trust me?” he asked.

“Of course I trust you, Chosen One.” A moment of silence. “What happened at the Royal Treasury?”

The Chosen One sighed. “I took the wings and left,” he said.

Instinctively, Qube looked to Sewer Bard and Definitely Bad Guy to see if they could corroborate this statement. Definitely Bad Guy looked up from his feet just in time to make eye contact with her. He became, if anything, even more rigidly precise in his movements.

“Oi! No, really. Sheesh, what’s the world coming to when I’m being doubted by —“ there was a split-second pause, “my own party members.”

Qube tilted her head at the Hero. Before she could question him further, however, he hurried on into speech.

“Anyway, after I very normally did what I was told, we went to the inn and had some drinks.” He broke off, his tone changing to more natural speech. “I just can’t believe how detailed their reactions were. Like they even reacted differently. It’s actually insane.”

Qube, having never actually encountered a drunk person before, could only agree.

“I imagine as the poison shuts down their brains it allows different aspects of themselves to be prioritised,” she said thoughtfully.

“Yeah, but that implies that they have several different layers of thought. I mean, obviously they do, but the implication that they have behaviours that are suppressed unless alcohol shuts down certain sections is —“ the Chosen One broke off, seeming to turn his attention inwards more. “I would have thought it would hit only walking and speech. But this…”

“This is why Alderman never allowed alcohol in the village,” Qube said, shaking her head. “I’m just glad you didn’t have any.”

The idea of a drunken Chosen One rampaging around the streets, breaking everything in sight in search of loot, was a horrifying one.

The Chosen One looked sheepish.

“Chosen One?” Qube asked with a hint of sternness.

“I mean I tried it,” the Chosen One confessed. “But then it started actually impacting me and I didn’t want another siren situation, so I stopped.” He waved away Qube’s look of concern. “Not so hardcore as that, but more messing with my vision and sound. But it was actually screwing me up so I bounced.”

Qube tilted her head and smiled, to cover the fact that she wasn’t entirely sure she’d grasped the meaning of what he was saying. The Chosen One looked behind her at the house they’d just earned.

“...why does it say this is my house?” the Chosen One asked.

“Oh! That. Yes, um, that is because…” Qube wilted under the Chosen One’s curious gaze. “I had a quest?” she half asked, half offered.

“Oh, like with Sewer Bard and Sexy Screamy Spider Lady,” the Chosen One said, his brow clearing. “How did you accidentally unlock this one?”

“I … saw it on the Adventurer’s Board?”

Qube wasn’t entirely sure why she felt like she had cheated on the Chosen One by going and getting her own quest. It had felt totally normal at the time! But with him right there, it somehow felt like she had committed a grievous breach. For the first time in an age, she felt the threat of the Golden Prophecy reach out to her. Not yet gripped around her, squeezing painfully, but more a gentle pressure, a reminder that it was still there, and she still had a role to fulfil.

And there were still rules that applied to her.

“And that unlocked it, and gave you the house?” The Chosen One was now looking thoroughly confused.

“Not quite…” Qube took a deep breath. “I took the quest and broke into the thieves guild and gave a sword to a ghost who gave me this house,” she said in one long burst.

The Chosen One just stared at her.

“What?” he asked, eventually.