“Chosen One,” Qube continued as the Chosen One frogmarched her down the stairs.

The Chosen One released her as they reached the main tavern area. He wrinkled his nose as the acrid smell hit them.

“Right!” he said to the group at large. “This place stinks; let’s go outside.”

“Chosen One, I have some more questions…” Qube watched as the Hero fled out the front door. She pouted. The others, who had all jerked to attention as the Chosen One had clattered downstairs, looked between Qube and the retreating Hero.

“Come on,” Qube sighed, and stepped out after the Chosen One. She watched his broad back as he power-walked towards the city’s plaza, no doubt eager to get to the Royal Treasury.

Just as his foot touched the colourful tiles that encircled the town square, a massive explosion rocked the city. He wrenched himself around, but Qube was already moving.

“[Lesser Shield]!” she cried, flinging out an arm as she shielded the Chosen One, shards of glass falling around her. She swung around just in time to see the smoke billowing out of the Royal dining room’s smashed window.

Hundreds of troops were pouring through the streets like black blood through Cobbletown’s arteries. Qube, however, was too busy running to the Chosen One, her silvery mana already spilling from her fingertips.

“Are you all right?” she asked, rather breathlessly. He reached out and pulled her behind him, drawing his Sacred Sword and locking his shield into position in one smooth movement.

“Chosen One!” the Exiled Princess’s shrill scream cut through the sounds of chaos. Qube’s attention snapped to the top floor of the inn, where dark shadowy creatures had taken form, and were pulling the Exiled Prince and Exiled Princess out of the newly-opened window.

She vaguely registered Sewer Bard beginning to play, and the heat as Definitely Bad Guy summoned several floating fireballs. Sexy Screamy Spider Lady’s crossbows were cocked and ready, and even Squiggles was pressed up against Qube, ready to protect.

Then the world tilted and she fell to her knees, gasping for air. Her neck felt deathly cold, as if the ghost of a blade was pressed up against it.

He was here.

There was a sound, like the inverse of thunder, and the Evil Emperor stood before the Chosen One, darkness writhing around him.

“Well, well, well,” the Evil Emperor boomed, towering over the group. “It looks like the kiddies have been misbehaving. I shall have to take them to their mother and father for punishment.”

“You fiend! You’ll never get away with this!” the Exiled Prince shouted as he struggled against the grasp of the shadowy minions.

The Evil Emperor threw back his head and laughed. It was, Qube had to admit, a very intimidating sight. The hundreds of troops, massive black cape, pure black armour, and five full minutes of laughter combined for a horrifying experience.

But the truly scary thing was that even as his laughter echoed around the plaza, she could still feel his attention on her.

To her confusion, the Chosen One relaxed.

“Oh, it’s just you,” he said, and sheathed his sword.

The Dreaded Demonic Deposer of the Rightful Rulers of the Realm abruptly stopped laughing.

“Don’t bother begging for your life, worm,” he sneered.

“Wasn’t gonna,” the Chosen One yawned and stretched.

The darkness throbbed, as if in irritation.

“Don’t worry, False Hero,” the Evil Emperor continued sneering. “It’s far too amusing to watch you run around helplessly for me to end the game so soon. But keep running and maybe one day you’ll get to my level.”

“No one likes meta humour,” the Chosen One announced to the sky. It didn’t reply.

Every movement of his was perfectly choreographed, every line delivered without the smallest hesitation. He was truly a master of monologues.

Qube knew she should be thinking. She should be listening, reacting, questioning, but instead —

—Instead she was staring straight into the face of her greatest enemy. And though he spoke to the Chosen One, it was her he watched.

“I must thank you for your hard work gathering the three gems for me,” he said. “So I’ll leave you with this gift.” He opened one black gauntleted fist —

Fragments blurred in Qube’s vision as she struggled to focus on his hand.

—and there was a strangely familiar lock of hair hovering in his palm.

She could taste blood. It might have been her own.

The Evil Emperor tossed the lock onto the ground.

His eyes never left hers. His pupils were so dilated that they seemed to eat all the white until there was only darkness left.

It was her hair.

She looked from the lock to the Evil Emperor. She couldn’t have said how she knew it was hers. She just felt it.

“Oh that’s messed up,” the Chosen One’s voice cut through the fog filling her mind. She blinked and saw the Hero bend over and pick up her lock of hair. He turned and looked at her speculatively, before reaching out and carefully putting the lock on top of her head.

Qube finally broke eye contact with the Evil Emperor and looked directly at her best friend. The Chosen One suddenly froze, a look of almost ludicrous dismay on his face.

“Mistake!” he yelped and he instantly snatched the lock of hair off her head.

“Chosen One?” she asked, her confusion only increasing when he threw her hair onto the ground. He stared at it, his eyes wide with panic.

“I did the thing, didn’t I?” he asked the offending lock of hair, then looking back up at Qube. “I really need to start thinking before I do things like that with you.” He resumed staring at the ground hair, still breathing rapidly.

“This,” he informed the hair, “is going to take some getting used to.”

Qube reached out to the Chosen One, her arm feeling like it was trying to move through mud.

“Run fast, little False Hero,” the Evil Emperor boomed, and even without looking Qube knew he was watching her. But she couldn’t think. Even the flame that normally helped clear her mind was suffering from the close proximity of such pure Evil.

She was dimly aware that he was laughing again. As he turned to leave, however, there was a brief flaw in his otherwise perfect monologue. His right hand twitched, turning towards Qube. Then, with a dramatic swirl of his cloak, he was gone.

The Chosen One pulled Qube up to her feet and dusted her off.

“Hey, you okay?” he asked. “That didn’t… do anything to you, did it?”

“Why did the Evil Emperor have my hair?” Qube asked.

The Chosen One frowned, as the other companions sprung to life.

“That dastardly demon!” Sewer Bard cried, dashing his hat onto the ground and bending the magnificent feather atop it.

“Was that the Exiled Prince?” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady gave a dramatic sigh. “He looked good, even when being kidnapped. Especially when being kidnapped.”

Definitely Bad Guy didn’t say anything. Instead, he silently looked at Qube’s regular hair on her head, then the lock on the ground, and back again.

“You should pick it up,” he informed her quietly.

“Ah, no, I’ll take that,” Chosen One said, swooping down and grabbing the lock of hair. He stuffed it into his pocket. “He’s probably been sniffing it or something weird. You wouldn’t want to get his germs or anything,” he stuttered.

Qube looked at Definitely Bad Guy. Something about his tone… She knew that hair, and other body parts, were often used in powerful spells.

“Is that how he managed to curse me?” she asked him. The Mage Advisor looked at her, his face a mask.

“It would certainly make it easier, and help explain how even I cannot unravel it. He must have more, to be willing to release it.” Definitely Bad Guy opened his mouth, then noticed the Chosen One listening intently to the conversation. He closed his mouth. The Hero narrowed his eyes.

“Go on,” the Chosen One ordered.

“It is nothing of any particular note,” Definitely Bad Guy demurred. The Chosen One tilted his head, and gave the Mage a piercing look.

“Go on,” he repeated.

Definitely Bad Guy looked from Qube to where the Evil Emperor had been standing. He cleared his throat.

“We should be careful not to leave any personal effects lying around,” he said eventually. “Given the Evil Emperor has shown a hitherto unknown ability to wield powerful curses, it is of paramount importance that we do not give him any artefacts that may aid him.”

Qube got the impression that this wasn’t what he had wanted to say. He seemed to be trying to use bigger words as a camouflage. Chosen One, however, seemed satisfied with his answer. The Fighter seemed to relax. Qube hadn’t even been aware of him tensing up.

“So did he take some of my hair when I passed out in the village?” Qube asked, confused. “Did you see him do that, Chosen One?”

The Chosen One swallowed, hard.

“I mean — it was — there was a lot happening.” The Chosen One looked ashamed. Qube rushed to reassure him.

“I’m not blaming you at all Chosen One! I was just curious! Of course you had a lot to deal with, what with getting everyone in the village out of their houses before he destroyed them.” This didn’t seem to reassure the Hero — if anything he looked even more guilty.

“Yeah, well, anyway. The point is, he got some of your hair somehow, and, yeah, that’s probably how he cursed you. Time to go to the Royal Treasury!”

“Chosen One,” Qube gasped. “We have to go rescue the Exiled Prince and Exiled Princess!”

Chosen One looked at her like she’d grown a second head.

“What?” he asked. “No, they’re probably in like his dungeon or something. There’s no way we would be able to get them out at this point.”

“We don’t know that!” Qube insisted. “We should at least try!”

The Chosen One seemed to unfocus for a second, his eyes scanning nothing. He looked back at Qube.

“Nah, no quest,” he said as if that explained anything.

“We can make our own quest for it!” Qube said. Pulling up what she knew was most important to the Chosen One she added; “I’m sure the Exiled Prince and Exiled Princess would be more than happy to reward you.”

“Aw, you really do know me,” he said, putting his hand on his heart. “But no. I can guarantee you that this won’t…” he trailed off as something occurred to him. “Hey, sing-song,” he said to Sewer Bard. “He said something about mother and father. Is that the king and queen? Where are they at?”

“While their exact whereabouts are not known, there are whispers that they have been hidden in the deepest, darkest dungeon, shielded by a spell designed by the strongest Mage in the land.”

They all turned and looked at Definitely Bad Guy, who had the grace to at least look mildly uncomfortable.

“It would make sense if he put them in the same place. Is there any way you can remove the shield?” Sewer Bard asked Definitely Bad Guy.

“No. That spell can only be undone by the Evil Emperor,” Definitely Bad Guy said.

“A strange spy for the Exiled Prince and Exiled Princess, indeed, to make such a shield and not allow a way for him to free the King and Queen,” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady purred in her most dangerous tones. The Hunter loomed over the Mage. She shot a dark look at him through all of her eyes, even the children’s faces stitched to her sides appeared to be yelling disapprovingly, rather than their normal screaming.

When it came to disapproving glares, there was no one who could outmatch the arachnid.

“Unless, of course, you were a different kind of spy,” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady hissed, the green spittal eternally dripping from her fangs quivering with emotion.

“But there must be a way! We can’t just let him kidnap Royalty in front of us and do nothing!” Qube exclaimed, too distressed to pay much heed to the by-play. The Chosen One shrugged.

“I’m sure we’ll rescue them when we have all the gems. If he hasn’t offed the king and queen, then he’s probably not going to gank the brats,” he said. Qube almost fainted from the sheer level of disrespect he’d managed to pack into a single sentence.

“But Chosen One…” she finally managed, “you once said that if I was ever in prison, you would break me out.”

“O’ course I would,” the Chosen One said, giving her a lopsided grin. “But that’s different.”

“Why?” Qube asked, and watched several emotions chase themselves across his face. She wasn’t sure what reasoning he would pull out. Her invisibility making it an easy thing to do. Her specialness meaning the devs would want it. Her inevitable distress when he broke the law in some new and unusual way being funny to him.

“Because you’re my friend,” he said eventually. And that was that.