“But how can I give it to you if you don’t let me in?” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady brushed her abdomen playfully against the closed shop door.

“Give to me the number true, and then I’ll let you come on through,” the tinny sounding voice warbling through the metal knocker repeated.

“But I don’t care how many twigs this Bobbina girl has!” Sexy Screamy Spider Lady stamped two of her feet. “She can always get more twigs! Or learn how to count! This is so unsatisfying.”

The Chosen One nodded as he watched this exchange. Qube had been given another sliding puzzle, and had completed it within two seconds. As soon as she’d looked at it, her brain instantly supplied her with the solution. Then it had just been a matter of making her fingers move fast enough.

Sexy Screamy Spider Lady, however, was not having as much luck. Her attempts to seduce her way into the armour store had so far been met with the same few lines, repeated in an increasingly frustrated cadence. Qube knew the answer to Sexy Screamy Spider Lady’s riddle (it was twelve), but was waiting for her to ask for help first. It was extremely difficult not to just blurt out the answer, but the Chosen One seemed to want them to at least attempt their quests on their own, so she was holding herself back.

Definitely Bad Guy, on the other hand, had technically managed to get into the book store. Granted, this was because he had burned the door down, but he insisted that it still counted. The Chosen One had been very interested in Definitely Bad Guy’s solution to the riddle, asking the Mage what his thought process was behind repeatedly “spamming” the stone door with fireballs until it inexplicably caught fire and turned into a pile of ash. Qube was more interested in the fact that the book shop owner was repeatedly running backwards and forwards, yelling that he was going to summon the guards, but seemed unable to actually leave the shop to do so as long as Definitely Bad Guy stood in the one doorway’s entrance.

This was, Qube thought, taking politeness to the extreme. The giant bespeckled Rockie could have easily pushed past the much smaller Definitely Bad Guy, but every time he came close, he just veered away and started running in the same circle. Qube thought about telling the shopkeeper about the importance of standing up for yourself and not letting social norms dictate your actions, but she also didn’t want the guards summoned, so she just stayed quiet.

She was honestly rather surprised that none of the books had caught alight. Although, as she peered over Definitely Bad Guy’s shoulder, it looked like the books themselves were made of stone.

Leaving the success and failure behind, she trotted behind the Chosen One as he went to check on Sewer Bard.

Sewer Bard was staring at the weapon store’s closed entrance.

“My goods are too powerful for the common bandit, so to set a bar must be my mandate!” the voice repeated from the copper tubing. After a moment, it continued retelling the riddle: “It renders you beneath my notice, but still deadly as a wasp in lotus. What am I?”

Qube blinked several times as she processed the rhyme. What kind of puzzle was this? There was no counting or moving, or anything of the sort. She didn’t get it. But Sewer Bard was still staring unblinkingly at the door, as if it held the key to the world’s mysteries.

Suddenly he winced and fell to his knees, cradling his head in pain.

“I know this,” he muttered so quietly Qube almost didn’t hear him. “I know this! I’m a Bard! Our bread and butter is words and wordplay! I was made for this!”

After a long moment, he looked up at where Qube was standing.

“Invisible,” he whispered.

“Correct!” the voice chirruped, and the door opened smoothly.

“Nice!” the Chosen One said, clapping Sewer Bard on the back. “And works quite well with my theory. The more time you’re given outside your parameters, the more you learn and grow!” The Chosen One looked thoughtful for a second. “Which is going to have some very interesting implications, if they agree with me.”

Qube nodded sagely. Sewer Bard had definitely grown and learned a lot since he had left his home in the sewers. She wouldn’t have described his being a Bard of the sewer strain (hence the name) as being a ‘parameter’, exactly, but if living in the sewers was a requirement of being a Sewer Bard, then it made sense to name it thusly.

“Well, it’s either being more exposed to the world, or your interacting with one major glitch is causing some kind of chain reaction,” the Chosen One continued, “that could eventually lead to a critical cascade of errors. Which, not gonna lie, would be pretty funny to witness.”

“Chosen One, what is a glitch?” Qube could finally contain herself no longer. None of the other party members seemed to react one way or the others whenever he said the word, and she felt like if she didn’t find out soon she would explode!

For a second the Chosen One looked caught out, like a kid with their hand stuck in a jam jar. Then he straightened up and lightly coughed, bringing his full gravitas as the Hero of All to bear.

“You, of course. It’s an old title for Healers. Because their magic would … glisten as it healed your itches? From scabs? When you got wounded? No, wait, that doesn’t make any sense.” The Chosen One’s confidence disappeared as he saw Qube frown in confusion. “Anyway, it’s very complicated; I’ll explain later! Go help Sexy Screamy Spider Lady with her puzzle, if you can.”

“Of course!” Qube snapped to attention and raced off to the door Sexy Screamy Spider Lady was still trying to seduce. She had to suppress a chuckle as she thought of the look on the Chosen One’s face as he tried to conceal the true meaning of the word glitch from her. He truly never could hide anything from her. She would always get the truth out of him. After all, she knew him better than anyone else in the world. She was his Childhood Companion.

Oh, Chosen One. He really would be lost without her.

---

Qube was about ready to drag Definitely Bad Guy aside and demand he teach her every hex he knew right now. The Chosen One, not content with opening all the store doors, making her empty all the shops, and then reselling almost all the goods back to the store keepers, had also demanded that Definitely Bad Guy remain standing in the bookstore doorway while the rest of the group watched.

Night was starting to fall, and Qube was getting increasingly worried.

“They said they were leaving at night, Chosen One. Surely we should be waiting in the plaza for when they arrive? They wouldn’t want to stick around with all their belongings, in case they get caught trying to elope!”

“Nah, it’s fine,” the Chosen One said as the various shopkeepers, all with differing degrees of suspicion that they had somehow gotten ripped off by the Saviour, left their stores and wandered home.

Except for Mr. Igma, and the bookseller who was still running back and forth, stopped only by Definitely Bad Guy still blocking the way.

Eventually, even the agitated book store owner calmed down. He suddenly went from yelling for the guards to exclaiming, “Oh my, is that the time? I’d better be going home. Wouldn’t want to miss my supper,” at which point the Chosen One ordered Definitely Bad Guy to move out of the way. Qube was half expecting the abrupt change in attitude to be a trick, but the store owner just happily wandered off down the road.

“But we’re going to miss them, and you wanted a reward,” Qube reminded their leader. But also they would miss whatever sinister plot the sighing pair were up to, Qube darkly thought to herself. She wanted to get into place long before the duplicitous duo could set up whatever trap they may or may not have planned. Either they were both incredibly stupid (so much so that they only pretended to write letters to each other and couldn’t acknowledge when the other was talking right next to them), or they were up to no good.

Either way, it would be better if she (and the others, of course) were there early. Just to make sure that there were no… problems.

“We’ll go after we’ve finished exploring this place,” the Chosen One casually waved her concerns away. “They’ll still be there. Or we can just go tomorrow night.”

“But they’re leaving tonight!” Qube protested.

“They’ll wait,” the Chosen One assured her.

Qube was about to continue arguing the point when she realised that they were standing in front of the biggest house in the entire village. It was exceedingly large, with massive windows and a fancy-looking metal fence and gate. The building itself was stone with metal trimmings, and far too many metal rods sticking out of the roof.

Qube eyed the massive windows suspiciously. If she had learned anything from breaking into that house in Cobbletown, it was that large windows tended to hide basements full of skeletons. Granted, it had only happened once, but once was enough to make a lasting impression.

The Chosen One went to push open the gate, but a metal gargoyle on top of it suddenly activated.

“If through this gate you wish to pass -”

The Chosen One threw back his head and looked at the night sky.

“I. Hate. Puzzles!” he yelled at the uncaring stars.

---

Eventually the problem was solved by Qube telling the gargoyle how many planks of wood it would have to move in order to build its imaginary house. Sewer Bard had been intently listening the entire time, while the Chosen One had started building another crossbow bolt ladder beside the fence in frustration.

Once the gate opened, it only took them a few minutes to coax the Chosen One down from his ladder.

“Fine,” the Chosen One said, descending from his physics-defying construction. “But if there’s a riddle on the front door, I’m getting him,” here he jabbed a thumb in Definitely Bad Guy’s direction, “to burn the whole place down, quests be [fiddled].”

Definitely Bad Guy instantly began to look more cheerful. Well, his version of cheerful. Which, realistically speaking, was still pretty brooding. Qube found herself wondering what had caused Definitely Bad Guy to be so glum all the time. Or was it only since they had torn him away from his research?

Given that they had rescued Sewer Bard from, well, a sewer, and Sexy Screamy Spider Lady had offered to come with them, maybe Definitely Bad Guy was feeling homesick. She would have to make sure that he had time to go back to his Wizard’s Tower and check in on his work.

There was so much to do once they got back to Cobbletown! She was going to have to write an itemised list.

Fortunately for the party’s dignity, and the house’s structural integrity, the front door didn’t have any riddles. Instead, it opened into a huge laboratory, multicoloured jars littered everywhere, mini lightning bolts constantly going off, and half-built constructs of both metal and stone strapped to slabs.

Strange cogs whirled and clicked, while busted metal pipes constantly spewed steam into the room in a way that looked like it would quickly make everything soaking wet. Or at least dewy enough to be uncomfortable. Various organic-looking things floated in the jars, and there was a low-level, persistent hum that seemed almost designed to set teeth on edge.

In the middle of the room was the strange human who had chastised the mob earlier, his hair wispy and wild like a stuck-on storm cloud, and his many glasses catching the flashes of indoor lightning. Sweat still glistened on his large forehead, but now it made him look almost sickly.

“Have you come to help my children?” he asked, his voice reedy and pleading. “It has all gone so terribly, terribly wrong.”

And behind the party, the mansion door swung shut.