The matchmaker collected the payment and the two women eyed each other up. The plump woman, who went by the name of Vicky, snorted when she saw that there was no ring on grandma Merriweather’s finger.

I’m going to tell you what is coming to you,

Old unmarried grannies like you,

Can’t measure up to me and my Alfie, so, you

And your old dinosaurs can go back to your home, you.

Aw, yah.

Finished Vicky, her hands in a rap position. Grandma Merriweather raised an eyebrow and began to rap too.

Can you rhyme anything with you besides you?

I may not be able to rhyme but my beats are sick!

Rapping is in my blood; I always do it.

And you have to think twice because I have a list and I check it thrice.

Of who is respectful and who is a troll,

Stinky and unrefined!

“Ladies, this is not a rap battle. I have some questions I need to ask you both as well as your spouses.” Said the matchmaker. She has gotten a lot of weird customers today but bad raps were above her pay grade.

“Grandma Merriweather and I are not a couple.” Said grandpa Thinker and at the same time, the man who Vicky dragged spoke.

“Vicky and I just met. It is too soon to become a couple.”

They both got death glares from the women and they didn’t protest further. Vicky placed a foot in front of herself, half-raised in the air, and began to rap again.

Do you have a list?

What is it? A lisp?

I am amorous and a half, yes, better than you by far.

Your man doesn’t support you,

He doesn’t know you.

Go back where you came from,

Before I call you out in front of these kids,

And show them how it’s done,

In matters of love and war!

Grandma Merriweather resolved to put the woman on the bad list as soon as she got home. The nerve! Well, she will show her.

Your beats are sick,

But not in a neat way.

Your man isn’t your man at all,

Did you meet when? Just now?

I know my grandpa for years.

Questions I can answer,

With deeds, I can back them.

What can you do,

You rotten candy, you?

“Ladies, please. Let us start with something simple. When did you meet your spouses?” Tried to regain some control the matchmaker. A crowd was gathering, attracted by the rap battle. This time grandma Merriweather didn’t let Vicky start first.

I met my grandpa when he came here,

On a day so snowy the whole of Alerion shivered.

His name is Albert but you know him as grandpa Thinker.

We are meant to be together,

Forever, dungeon core and system love duo,

A love story, aw yeah!

Grandpa Thinker looked at grandma Merriweather. He knew she liked him well enough but he hadn’t known that her feelings ran so dip. He straightened up and ran a hand through his hair to make it more presentable. Vicky finally dropped her foot down and made a come here sign with her hand.

You think I am scared,

Petrified and derailed?

What if you are the Alerion terrors?

I am too old for nighttime tremors.

You tyrants will not win this for I have to tell ya,

True love knows no bounds, no fear, no roadblocks!

Grandma Merriweather raised her food up and then brought it down three times. Then she snapped her fingers and pointed at grandpa Thinker expectantly. He began to rap too.

We are no terrors, no tyrants, no errors!

But we have made many an error in the past era.

From the bad list to the good we pick the names,

Of children and adults that will get toys and games.

But a little nymph has shown me the way,

Of goodness and well-meaning, hooray!

This Yule I will do better and to my dear system granny I have one thing to say:

You are a nice lass,

Full of joy and jazz.

You don’t understand me all the time,

But you always answer with a chime.

If you grandma Thinker want to be,

Then just tell me so and we will see it be.

Vicky nudged Alfie and he sighed, already regretting the lost fifty silver coins.

Hey, I am Alfie but not an elf.

I can’t rap to shoe a shelf.

But I like Vicky and it is no lie,

That compatible with her am I.

The crowd cheered and the kids began to chant “sour cherry”. Grandma Merriweather approached grandpa Thinker and gave him a peck on the lips. Vicky and Alfie shared a much deeper kiss. Then the two men went and shook each other’s hands. Alfie spoke.

I think the girls deserve the trinkets,

To remember this ticket.

Grandpa Thinker saw the last challenge before him and he gave a belly laugh and answered with a little rap of his own.

Two beautiful doves,

Sitting on a stage in front of the droves.

Our girls may both have,

A necklace with a heart.

And may they from now on be,

Best of friends, like you and me.

The men shared a laugh and went to take the two necklaces and to give each of their girls one. As they got down from the stage, two new couples came up and gave the matchmaker two gold coins.

“We would also like a rap battle!” Said one of the women and then she sent a competitive look at her adversary. The matchmaker sighed. It seems that she would be pronouncing the winners only from now on.