C30.1~Interlude- Trash Comments

Eddie was sitting inside his workshop as he fiddled with the mana fridge. It kept going off and on and it was more than bugging him.

“Damn, stupid thing, just work!”

Frank entered, carrying a handful of papers. He seemed stressed which was uncharacteristic for the calm golem. “Sir, I have the comments and private messages from the first book.”

“Hold on a second, Frank,” Eddie dismissed, reaching his arm into the back. A jolt of mana surged his body and he was propelled to the back of the room. Eddie blinked the stars out of his eyes and groaned as he got up.

“Sir, these are important,” Frank insisted, placing the pile down on his workbench.

“Frank, I’m busy,” Eddie complained.

“So am I, Sir.”

Eddie rolled his eyes as he slugged back down on his stool and started flicking through them. By the first few comments, he was immediately engaged. His eyebrows started dancing from the range of emotion he was experiencing. They stopped when his eyes landed on a very interesting private message the author of the book received.

“I really hope this one’s a private message,” Eddie said with worry, looking up at Frank.

The golem just shrugged.

Eddie cleared his throat as he read it out loud. “I really like your book. I was hoping that you’d include Eddie and Frank in a *** scene. I really want Frank to **** Eddie with a giant metal ***** and then Eddie takes a acid bath so Frank can then **** his ******* brains out… What the fudge?”

“Precisely, Sir, what a degenerate. Also, highly unrealistic.”

“Yeah… Why unrealistic? We could… If we were both gay.”

“Well, Sir, I’m a ten and you’re pushing a four.”

Eddie opened his mouth in protest. “Excuse me, Frank, I think you got it the wrong way round.”

“Sir, you know I’m brutally honest. Would I lie to you?”

“I don’t doubt you’re telling the truth, Frank, I just think your facts are wrong. In these comments they mention me way more than you.”

Frank didn’t reply as he took a few pieces of paper. He looked down to Eddie then back to the paper. “The MC is a MORON! The mc is so ******* stupid I want to rip my head off. Why is this guy such a complete idiot, it’s not even fun to read. I have a PHD in mechanical engineering and the mc has no idea what he’s doing-”

“I’ll need proof,” Eddie declared.

Frank carried on. “MC is so unlikeable and is clearly mentally unstable. Why does MC make every scenario so awkward with other chara-”

“Ok, ok, Frank, I get your point,” Eddie whined.

“And my comments, Sir. Frank is such a murderous legened. Frank is clearly the only one with common sense, strikingly handsome and I love how he wants to murder everything.”

“Handsome? You’re made of metal.”

“Are you metalphobic, Sir?”

“What does that even mean?” Eddie asked.

“Regardless, Sir, clearly I am the favourite.”

“So, I have more screen time,” Eddie stated, nose pointed into the air.

“I can’t deny that.”

“What do the other comments say?” Eddie asked.

“We have another… You know, Sir.”

“Go on, Frank, elaborate.”

“I refuse, Sir,” Frank said, blinking a few times.

“Why? I thought you graduated from Oxford? Surely they taught public speaking there.”

“I did, Sir, but these goes beyond any sort of smut I’ve read. It’s barbaric and utterly disgusting.”

“No backing out now, Frank.”

Frank seemed to gulp and blinked even more. “Well, Sir, it involves me, you, Viktor, Denzel and… Robo… And Brody.”

“That is-”

“And they want a scene with Mira, Akira and someone called Socks. Who’s Socks, Sir?”

“Oh god, are the readers sick? Robo too?”

“No, Sir, many of them are very nice. Here’s one about you: Eddie is certainly dramatic but I love him. Eddie is so wholesome that sometimes it makes me forget about how much of a **- oh, my apologies, Sir, that was a rude one. Oh, Eddie is such a great character for the setting in a trash dump.”

“Oh, that is quite nice… Wait, what are they trying to sa-”

“Nothing, Sir, only the fact that you are quite eccentric.”

Eddie huffed as he laid his head against the workshop. “What do they expect from me, I can’t change.”

“Personally, Sir, I think they can all go and fudge themselves.”

Eddie just groaned.

“How about I make you some tough goblin meat skewers to cheer you up?” Frank offered.

Eddie nodded his head side to side. “Yeah, Frank, I would like some tough goblin skewers. Is there any Goblin Gunk too?”

“I can fetch some from the bar, Sir.”

“Great. Thanks, Frank.”

“I am your butler after all, Sir, I live to serve you… Non-sexually.”

“Why did you say it like that?”

“Like what, Sir?”

“Well- nevermind.”