C22 Trash Battle

Eddie held onto his woggle staff as he watched Brody light something in the center. Purple smoke arose from a large twig and spread out in the smog above.

“What’s he doing?” Eddie asked Mira.

“Monster Incense. That twig is from the Moonlight Forest a few miles out from Arindought. When you burn it, all monsters in the area will come towards you.”

“That’s a thing? Couldn’t you just lure them all into a big hole for free experience?”

“Uhh- yeah, I suppose you could actually. But, monsters get more intelligent the higher level they are. They can also resist the incense sometimes but goblins won’t be able to. That also depends on the rarity and strength of the incense.

“Cool, cool,” Eddie said, pretending to be calm while watching the smoke rise.

His heart began to beat fast, this was the first large scale warfare he had done so far in a game. He was excited but that carried the same amount of fear. There were going to be monsters soon, a lot of monsters.Goblins weren’t the scariest but in a huge pack they were going to be terrifying. Eddie knew that he could just pretend to cast stuff and let the guild deal with them but right now, he actually wanted to feel useful especially since Akira was watching.

He liked Akira still, they didn’t leave on the best of terms and it had turned into a full on shouting mat-

“Eddie,” Mira said, “You're doing that thing again.”

“Sorry.”

“They’re coming now.”

The sound of small pitter-patters could be heard way off in the distance. There were loads of them. Eddie tightened the grip on his woggle staff as he aimed it at the smoggy horizon.

“Here they come!” Brody shouted.

A small green man emerged from the fog. “OOGA OOGA! POOOPEEEE!” the goblin shouted, raising a coat hanger as a spear.

“OOGA OOGA! POOOOPEEEE!” a round of goblins echoed the call.

Dozens of goblins sprang out from the fog wearing mismatches of armour and weapons.

Eddie followed a goblin with his woggle staff and casted Trash Chute. A piece of chainmail flew out of the top and flew towards the unexpecting goblin. The chainmail wrapped around its neck, shutting off its oxygen.

You hit Goblin, Level 8 for 23 HP (CONSTRICTION)

You have slain Goblin, Level 8

+5 EXP

+3 Copper

+1 Goblin Meat

It was much easier for Eddie to fire the spell when a monster wasn’t running at him. But, he did get lucky with the spell.

“Nice shot, Eddie!” Mira exclaimed. She herself, aimed up her staff and fired out a wide projectile of purple magic. As it travelled it, space distorted around it. It wiped out five goblins within a second, literally cutting them all in half.

Eddie’s eyes just went wide. It was incredible. He really wanted that sort of magic.

Down below, Frank and Robo were on the front line with Denzel and Bear.

“Alright, have you done this sort of thing before?” Denzel asked Frank.

“Of course, Mr Denzel,” Frank lied. “May I break formation?”

“Break formation? Well, yeah if you want. It just makes it more difficult.”

Frank grew giddy. No longer did he have to defend his master- he could go all out. When the first goblin got close, Frank leapt out of the line with Robo close at his heels. His spear penetrated the goblin’s skull and Eddie got a notification. Frank threw the goblin behind him and let Robo chew the poor thing into pieces.

The guild members just watched as Eddie’s two golems dived into the fray.

“I will bathe in your blood, goblins!” Frank screamed in his glorious britishness as two goblins heads were ejected into the air.

Robo sprinted past Frank, moving the spikes along his body towards his fast. The metal wolf was like a steam train without an inch of hesitation to stop. Its maws bit through everything and every one as it continued moving through. “WOOF! WOOF!”

And so, that battle ensued. For the guild members it was an ordinary thing they did often. But Eddie loved it, mainly because it had been the most exciting thing he had done before in the game. The worry of everything vanished as bits of goblin was ejected into the air.

He started flinging spells left, right and centre, with a grin plastered on his face. He was keeping control of his mana and was taking time between spells.

Like all good things, they came to an abrupt end. A few goblins had spotted them and over 60 of them started trudging up the hill.

“We need support!” Mira shouted over to the group.

Eddie fired off a table leg at the goblin horde, knocking one out but not doing much. The rest of the group fired towards the incoming horde.

“We need that wall!” Mira shouted.

“Uhhh, Trash Wall!” Eddie commanded. Trash shot out of his woggle staff and formed a rectangular blockade. He pushed it downwards towards the goblins but struggled to push them back. Eddie pushed harder and harder against them, expelling more mana. It was dropping in tens by the second.

“I can’t hold them!” Eddie screamed.

Akira jumped away from the building and landed next to Eddie’s wall. Blue fire engulfed her hands and she shot it out with extreme power. The trash started to melt onto the goblins. They shreked from the pain but the small Akira kept on expelling her powerful magic.

Needless to say, Eddie was extremely turned on. He kept pushing what was left of the wall down on them without realising his mana was in the red- his focus was… Elsewhere.

“Push them back!” Mira shouted. “All ranged use AoE!”

Eddie stopped thinking with his penis and dismissed the wall but it was too late and the sudden headache gripped him. He fell onto his knees while clutching his head.

“Keep pushing!”

Eddie started foaming from the mouth as his fingers clutched onto a brick window and he hauled himself up again. He was going to stand tall and face them. Once he did however, he could only see a graveyard of goblins.

“Hey, nice job, Eddie,” Mira said, turning to look at the foaming Eddie. “You ok?”

“Shyeah, fshine,” Eddie protested as his vision spun.

“Sit down for a bit, we’ll go harvest everything.”

“Shloot? I want shoot?”

“It gets split between everyone, don’t worry.”

Eddie slumped back down again against the brick wall and tried to compose himself. Mana expenditure was no joke, he felt like his head was about to fall off. But, Akira came and sat down next to him.

“Are you ok?” she asked him.

All the other guild members dispersed as they were terrified of her.

Eddie tried to quickly compose himself and wiped the foam from his mouth. “Yeah… Nice job out there.”

“You did the hard work,” she insisted. “And I’m… Sorry… For slapping you.”

“It’s fine,” Eddie said, scratching the back of his head. “I did deserve it.”

“Can we start off on the right foot?” Akira asked, extending her hand out.

Eddie went to reply but instead coughed his lungs up. Smooth Eddie, smooth.

Akira slapped his back as she started laughing. “No one told me you can summon trash.”

“Yeah, it’s a long story. How did you become the Guild Master of The Wanderers? Everyone seems terrified of you.”

“I kind of rule with an iron fist. When the game was released, I found Mira and the rest of her team and that’s when we decided to start a guild. A few months later, I lost half of them to this dungeon and the other half just left. It was all too much to handle, you know.”

“I get that, I think you did a pretty good job. Oh, and about the new guild house thing, I’ll make you one.”

“We can talk about that later, Eddie,” Akira said.

Eddie turned to her and they both cheesily smiled at each other.

“I know it’s not right to ask, but you and Brody?” Eddie asked.

“Brody? Oh, we’re just good friends.”

‘Good friends’. Eddie could tell that was a lie. He wasn’t the most attractive man in the world- not even above a 5/10, but Brody and Akira were at the same level; it seemed fairly obvious what was going on. Eddie was not happy since he still liked Akira but he needed to play it cool. He was going to fight to get Akira back even if it meant him with an arm and a leg.

“That’s cool,” Eddie lied. “We should get back to the guild now.”

Akira nodded.

Eddie opened his hand out. “Friends, for now.”

She smiled at him while shaking her head. “Yeah, sure, friends.”

That was all the hope the trashmancer needed.

“So, since when did you become a fire mage?” Eddie questioned as he stood up, generally curious.

“I went to the mage academy, it costs a bit but I learned how to duel wield the fire. It’s so worth it.”

“When I get out I might have a look,” Eddie said honestly.

The two walked while catching up towards the guild, many eyes staring at them; Brody was too.

“Hello, Sir,” Frank said politely, drenched from head to toe in blood. There were three green fingers sticking out from his metal leg.

Eddie didn’t answer as he checked Frank’s joints and armour over. “Hey, Frank. Where’s Robo?”

“The guild members seem to love him. They are calling the Murder Machine- which is totally unfair since I killed twice as more as him.”

“Frank did amazing,” Denzel interjected. “Did you give him the urm, you know?”

“Anger issues?” Eddie answered. “Yeah, well, it was a mistake. But Frank wouldn’t be Frank if he didn’t… What’s the thing you say?”

“Bathe in my enemies blood, Sir.”

“Yeah,” Eddie said slowly. “That.”

Robo came bounding back up to Eddie, also drenched head to toe in blood and bits of goblin.

“Oh, Sir, you’re level 4,” Frank pointed out.

“Yes! I levelled up!” Eddie exclaimed happily with clenched fists.

You have slain x13 Goblin, Level 5-12!

+35 EXP

+12 Goblin Meat

+1 Goblin Eye

+3 Goblin Liver

+74 Copper

You have levelled up Trash Chute V→VI

Mana Cost: 13

Distance: 7(+1)-45(+3)m

Damage:7(+1)-52(+3)

Cooldown: 4s

You have levelled up Trash Wall V→VI

Mana Cost: 30

Defense Rating: 50(+2)-85(+4)

Damage: Undetermined

Cast time: 2.5(s

Cooldown: 37s

You have levelled up! Level 3→4!

You have two free stat points to allocate.

“Yes, yes, yes, yes, ooo, the points. Fudge, I should really invest my points now.”

“That would be wise, Sir, yes.”

Eddie tapped his chin as he thought about where to put the stats. Of course, he wanted the golemancer class and he needed 200 mana for that. He had six stat points to allocate and that would bring him to 190 mana. He was getting giddy about all the skills and spells he was going to get.

“Sir, the guild’s already left.”

“Oh, ship. Uhh, ok. All points into wisdom.”

Eddie saw his mana pool skyrocket. The extra blue stuff was going to come in handy. He went through the items he got as he caught up with the guild.

{Goblin Eye}

Grade: Uncommon

Description: Used in necrosis concoctions.

{Goblin Liver}

Grade: Common

Description: Used in alcoholic beverages.

Eddie pouted his enthusiasm. The goblin eye was classified as uncommon. He thought back to the acid grotchbeltch and wondered whether he could add it to something. Since he could ingest normal potions cause he was retarded special, he could try making poisons instead. He wanted to experiment when he got back but as of right now he had to focus on the task at hand.

“Yo, Eddie, you good?” Denzel asked him.

“Yeah, feeling better now. That was a great fight, do you guys always do stuff like that?”

“Oh yeah, there was a monster horde in a smaller city a few weeks we took part in. It’s not an event like this but every now and again there’s a huge wave of monsters that spawn outside the a city gates.”

“Woah, really? Damn, I really want to see one.”

“I’m sure there’s plenty more action coming up,” Denzel remarked.

“I’M A PRETTY PRINCESS!”

“Bear says he likes the way Frank murders things,” Viktor explained.

“Why thank you, Sir Viktor and Sir Bear,” Frank said.

“I like you Frank,” Viktor said. “You remind me of a man I spent years locked up with in a Bolivian prison.”

“Please, tell me more.”

“Well, he was 23, the same age as me at the time. I crossed over to Bolivia on a special forces mission with 20 kilos of cocaine.”

“Cocaine?” Eddie questioned. “Why would you be on a special forces mission with cocaine.”

“It was not for us and we were not selling it,” Viktor professed. “We were going to mix it into a soup kitchen’s stew to give the homeless a huge boost when a riot to overthrow the country’s president was meant to take place.”

Eddie was mortified. Completely mortified.

“Sounds exciting,” Frank said in an upbeat tone.

“Yes, well. It went smoothly at first but then we were caught by the Bolivian police. Long story short, I met a British man much like yourself in prison. He would speak for hours as I would listen.”

“And why was here in there?”

“He tried to smuggle 40 kilos of heroin and 12 sex slaves out of the country. That man was a true soldier if I’ve ever seen one... Now that I think about it, I don't think he was a soldier.”