C8 Trash Dungeon

The bad boys swagged out of the trash house and into the Trashlands awaiting their trash gameplay. Eddie was progressing faster than he thought. He had a golem, a kinda-house/trash-cave, and he was about to make this dungeon his bi-

“Lookout!” Eddie screamed.

A broken cart was flying straight down; directed at Frank. The golem took a few calm steps to the side and it crashed down next to him. Wood splintered everywhere and gave poor Eddie the shock of his life.

“Phew,” Eddie huffed. “Damn that skill is handy.” He threw his head up and shook his fist to the cloudy ceiling. “Screw you random person!”

“Thank you, Sir. Where should we start?”

Eddie rolled his shoulders as he summoned the map from his inventory. “Well, we should head to the closest side first and make our way around the edge. Are you sure we should be doing this? I felt good about it earlier but now-”

“Sir, your goal is to leave this place. I will make it my sole duty to help you achieve that.”

“Ah, thanks, Frank,” Eddie said, Frank had a way with words.

“No problem, Sir.”

As Eddie was about to take a step forwards, bells sounded all around him.

Ding! Ding! Ding! You got a Quest!

Quest: Dungeon Exploring

You are the first person to try and map out the dungeon, Arindought’s Trash Pit, and deserve a reward if you complete it. Trash on my friend, trash on.

Map out 25% of the dungeon: 0/25%

Kill mobs inside the dungeon: 0/10

Rewards:

+120 EXP

An item of your choosing

A spell of your choosing

+50 Copper

Bragging Rights.

“Bragging rights?” Eddie questioned, immediately ignoring the rest of the message.

It’s bragging rights? Now that’s pretty cool.

“Ok?” Eddie replied, eyebrows discombobulated.

It was a good quest, a great one in fact; experience, an item, a spell and 60 coppers- or $5. Though he was going to do it anyway, he was glad he received one. Though, the system liked to force him to kill monsters and he was not a fan of that. Eddie realised he was going to have to get over his fear of them.

“Urm, Sir? Are you ok?”

“Frank, we got a quest!”

“Brilliant, Sir. What does it entail?”

“Kill ten monsters and map out the dungeon,” Eddie replied, stroking his stubbly chin.

“Let us advance forward then. I shall take the lead, Sir- adventure awaits us.”

The two followed the dungeon line all the way to the edge. Eddie was constantly peering into the dungeon out of curiosity fear. He was nervous in case something happened to Frank. Though a thick smog reduced his sight, he started seeing red dots appear on his mini map. He clenched his buttcheeks as soon as one moved.

“I’m having second thoughts,” Eddie explained to Frank.

“Sir, sometimes in order to succeed, one needs to be thrown in the deep end.”

“You want to put me through shock therapy?” Eddie questioned as his boots flattened out some trash.

“Almost, Sir. If you can handle the deepest depths, then you can handle anything thrown at you.”

“You are a therapist!” Eddie declared angrily... “Sorry, just a bit nervous.”

“No worries, Sir.”

Eddie gulped before moving his trashman boot to hover over the red line; it was a big step for him. He breathed out sharply and placed it down.

You have entered the dungeon: Arindought’s Trash Pit

Level recommendation: 5-50

Party size recommendation: 5

Difficulty: Hard

That system message alone sent shivers down his crooked spine, it tingled twice over. “Here we go,” he said as his foot crunched down on trash.

“Hey, this isn’t so-” Eddie discontinued as his eyes darted around, it seemed that the universe liked to play games with him and he was trying to catch it out. “Ha, nothing- really? Nothing at all, no- I don’t know: big fudging monsters?”

Frank seemed puzzled but didn’t speak.

“Huh, well... You ready Frank?” Eddie asked, looking back.

“Yes, Sir. After me, please.”

The two crept as silently as they could into the dungeon. Their footsteps were much quieter since the ground was compacted unlike the Trashlands. It was only a few seconds before red dots wavered in front of them.

“Frank, stop,” Eddie whispered. There’s two up ahead; I think they’re trash pandas. Hold on, let me get a better look.” Eddie sneakily snuck behind an old kitchen countertop and peered over. Sure enough, he was right.

Trash Panda, Level 8

Trash Panda, Level 7

They were higher level than the ones before; they looked… Meaner? Eddie couldn’t put his finger on why they were. He gave a subtle head nod to Frank and the golem hurried over in a hunched stance. They peered over together.

“Sir,” Frank whispered. “If you start with a surprise attack, then I will charge in.”

Eddie pouted as he nodded, trying to psych himself up. His heart was racing. “Ok, ok, you got this Eddie.”

He jumped up from his standing position and held his palm out flat. “Take this you ugly dogs! Trash Chute!”

As a 1960s retro lamp shot out of Eddie’s palm, Frank was already vaulting over the kitchen countertop. “Fiendish monsters!” he bellowed. “You’re in our path!” He charged forwards with anger seeping from his spear.

The lamp was going at a rather slow speed; Eddie could tell it wasn’t going to do that much damage. It was spinning as it travelled through the air. The trash panda opened its mouth to screech at them but found it instantly couldn’t. The lamp had perfectly been pushed into its mouth. The trash panda reeled back and shook its head, just in time for Frank to get a devastating blow to the top of its head.

“Watch out!” Eddie yelled as the other one charged Frank. It caught him off guard and tackled him to the ground; his spear fell out of his grasp and he started to wrestle the mutated racoon.

Eddie panicked as he watched them wrestle, his spell was still on cooldown; there was nothing he could do. Unless-

“Screw it!” Eddie shouted as he took a few steps back. He ran and jumped with as much muscle as he could muster over the countertop. He had a smile plastered on his face and courage in his heart. It all vanished when his foot caught the top and physics played its darn role. He started falling- face first. His forehead collided with the compacted trash ground.

You are Dazed! -3 HP

You are Stunned! -7 HP

Then it all went black. After all that character building, it went down the drain faster than a sewer rat.

“Sir,” a familiar voice said. “Sir, are you ok?”

Eddie’s eyelids snapped open to see a pair of red eyes looking at him.

“Sir, they are dead. Good work on that first spell of yours, it’s a pity you only managed one.”

Eddie scrunched his nose and eyes as he rubbed his temples. “What happened?”

“It appears you had a tumble, Sir.”

“Ugh, fudge,” Eddie groaned, so much for the courage.

Eddie held out his hand and Frank helped him up. The golem dusted him off like a parent would after their child fell over. He glanced over to the two dead monsters and then looked at Frank’s armor. It barely had a scratch on it- he did better than he thought.

“You ok?” Eddie asked Frank.

“Fine, Sir. I managed to rip out its-”

“Ok, ok,” Eddie interrupted, he didn’t want to hear about the gruesome details. “As long as you’re good.”

“Neverbetter, Sir. Would you like me to harvest them for you? We are running low on trash panda meat.”

“Yeah, sure,” Eddie replied. He quickly checked how much room he had in his inventory. Frank took up roughly half along with the core.

Frank returned with a pile of mushy guts and eyes in his metal hands. Eddie held his throat as he quickly whisked them into his inventory.

“Well that’s two down,” Eddie noted. They did get a bit lucky, but with some practise they should be able to nail two on the head-dead.

Eddie brought out his map to check where they were. They had barely gotten into the dungeon and almost died already. Eddie blew out from his nose- it was a lot tougher than he first thought.

(https://imgur.com/gallery/AnK3441)

“Right,” Eddie said. “If we see any more pairs of trash pandas, we’ll go for them if they aren’t above level 10. A trio we’ll leave.”

“Very strategic of you, Sir,” Frank complimented.

“Thank you, Frank.”

They trudged on through the dungeon- carefully, avoiding large groups of trash pandas and keeping their heads ducked 90% of the time. They travelled for roughly 40 minutes until Eddie started to notice gleaming ingots of iron dotted around everywhere. That was a good thing, but good things always come with a price, or in this case: powerful monsters. He still didn’t see any red dots on his map so his mind was still at relative ease.

“Frank,” Eddie whispered, stopping and squatting down. Frank followed. “I think there’s going to be some strong monsters here. We should go slower.”

“Ok, Sir. Would you like to take the lead?”

Eddie reluctantly nodded. He was not a leader, which has been quite clear. He kept low and slav-walked forwards. He noticed that his Trashmans Sense was pinging things to him left, right, and center. Iron ingots were just thrown about. He knew that iron was a good material, but he had no smelter for it. But Eddie was kind of greedy and so they started to fill his inventory.

As an ingot disappeared from Eddie’s hand, he started to smell something strange. It wasn’t like the usual scent the trash pit gave off. It was more- small? Eddie screwed up his face and pushed his nose up to let his nostrils flare. He could smell body odour, it didn’t smell bad because of his class.

“He-”

Frank covered Eddie’s mouth with a metal. The golem moved to his ear and whispered: “There is a small green thing behind you, don’t move.”

Eddie froze as his eyes slowly drifted up to his minimap where he did in fact see a red dot. He didn’t see it before though. Turning his head slowly, he noticed two more small green figures approaching. They were around 3-4ft, their skin was oily and grotesque. One had a cooking pot over his head and wore white rags which thankfully covered everything. A bony finger found its way to its skinny ass and scratched- then sniffed it, then it found its way into its pointed ear, and then into its sharp nose.

He had to think hard whether he was staring in a mirror or there were small green men talking in gibberish to each other. It sounded as if children made up a language to spite their parents.

Eddie screwed up his face from the disgusting sight and examined them.

Trash Goblin, Level 9

Trash Goblin, Level 8

Armored Trash Goblin, Level 8

“Real creative,” Eddie whispered in annoyance. That soon vanished when he noticed that the ‘armored’ description was of the goblin with the cooking pot on its head. That made him internally chuckle. They all each held small weapons- though it was really pushing the term weapons. Two of them had scrap metal that had been broken off to look like daggers, while another held a water pipe. Truly menacing opponents.

“Sir, I think we should let them pass,” Frank whispered to him.

Eddie nodded in agreement.

Soon the three green and slimy men walked off- gibbering to each other. “Interesting,” Eddie said. “They were speaking to each other.”

“I noticed that too, Sir.”

“So goblins huh,” Eddie thought out loud. “From The Lord of the Rings, there were tonnes of them, and they lived under the Misty Mountains.” That was all he really knew about them. Suddenly, a lightbulb appeared above Eddie’s head; even Frank noticed it.

Eddie quickly googled for a map of Arindought. He chuckled at his genius discovery. “The goblins are under the industrial district of Arindought,” he remarked.

“So goblins like metal, Sir?”

“Yup,” Eddie replied smugly. “That’s why there’s loads of ingots here.”

“Sir, if there are loads of little green men, they must have a leader,” Frank said. “And what about the women? Rather sexist if you ask me, Sir.”

“Yeah, you’re right. This game is sexist,” Eddie declared. “But I wouldn’t want to kill a female goblin.”

“You’re a part of the problem, Sir. If a woman wants equal rights, she better be ready to-”

“Woah, woah, woah. Frank, this book isn’t about politics.”

“Sorry, Sir, I got carried away, forgive me.”

“It’s fine, I’m a bit worried that we might walk into a den of sorts. Also, do you reckon they have- you know-” he lowered his voice to below a whisper, “Genitalia.”

“Perhaps, Sir. If we kill one we may check.”

“Ew, no, you can do it- that’s wrong...”

“I believe you are more curious than you think, Sir.”

Eddie didn’t respond, he hated that Frank was always right- not the politics part however. After a few more awkwards seconds of silence, Eddie spoke up. “Should we urm… Carry on?”

“Yes, Sir.”

Eddie nodded slowly and pouted. “Right. Oh, you were talking about a leader or something? That would be correct according to The Lord of the Rings,” Eddie said.

“Yes, Sir. I would like to read about this Lord of Rings.”

Eddie didn’t correct him. “Yeah, Frank, I can’t because of copyright. I can tell you about it one day?”

“On a rainy day, Sir, that would be nice.”

“What were we doing again?” Eddie asked, scratching his head.

“The dungeon, Sir,” Frank explained.

“Right, urm- follow me then.”

The two crept through the dungeon at a slow pace with ears stretched wide. They started seeing more and more of the industrial aspect that Eddie had so cleverly figured out beforehand; broken carriages, sprawling interconnecting metal pipes, old forges, old workbenches far past recovery.

There was all sorts of metal scattered around, there was too much for him to grab and too little room in his inventory. He had spotted some glowing blue ingots but it was constantly guarded by a malignity of goblins. He settled only for the iron, even then that was a great find.

{Iron Ingot}

Grade: Common

Description: ^^^

He had just stuffed another iron ingot into his inventory when he noticed a coil of white metal wire. His interest piqued and he cautiously squatted down next to it.

{Spider Web Metal Wire}

Grade: Uncommon

Description: A coil used to transfer mana.

Eddie’s eyes glistened with greed, it was uncommon, the best grade he had seen so far. It was like copper wire, only better. He wondered what sort of benefits it could provide compared to its lesser kin. Dungeons were really high risk and high reward.

A finger tapped on his shoulder.

“Not now, Frank, I’m thinking.”

The finger tapped again.

“Frank, I’m thinking,” Eddie snapped.

The finger tapped again, but harder this time. It didn’t feel like metal; it was bony and thin.

Eddie didn’t realise as he often could be enthralled by something that made his brain work.

The finger poked him and Eddie spun around with his face screwed up. “Frank, I sai-”

It wasn’t Frank.

“Gib pupa uda poopa poopa?” the small green man said, there was a question in his tone.

Eddie froze as the goblin started to shout to others nearby.

“Sir!” Frank yelled, running towards the goblin, spear drawn. “Run!”

Eddie fell backwards as the goblin got in close to his face to inspect him. It’s breath was worse than his own and a snot bubble popped out of its long sharpened nose.

“Bubba wubba poppy po.”

Frank’s spear penetrated the goblins small green head and showered Eddie in its blood. He was more mortified about that. Eddie started breathing heavily as Frank removed his spear from the dead golem.

You have slain Snotty Trash Goblin, Level 8!

+7 EXP

+4 Copper

x3 Balls of Goblin Snot

X2 Goblin Meat

You have levelled up! Level 2->3!

You have two free stat points to allocate.

Debuff: Smelly II

-3 Charisma

“Sir,” Frank said, yanking Eddie onto his feet. “We’ve been spotted.”

“Gubba! Gubba!” distance goblins shouted, echoing their fallen brethren.

Frank grabbed Eddie’s wrist and dragged him into a full blow sprint. Eddie was not athletic, in-game and in real life. As they made their escape, small green men were close at their heels. Eddie glanced over his shoulder, seeing at least 20 of them chasing him. His stamina was already in the orange and going down rapidly. He heaved as his lungs worked double time.

“I can’t go on much further Frank!” Eddie shouted.

“A little bit further, Sir, that’s all.”

“I-I can’t!” Eddie huffed.

“Hold my spear, Sir,” Frank kindly asked.

“Huh?”

Frank thrusted his spear into Eddie’s weak grasp and picked him up in a fireman's carry. “Forgive me, Sir. Drastic times call for drastic measures.”

“Gobble! Gobble! Gibberish- gibberish. RAAAA!” the goblins squealed out behind them.

“Run, Frank!” Eddie bellowed as he clutched onto his saviour.

Frank’s very strong body trooped on, his pace far out-classing the goblins' lanky legs. He kept running, and running and running until no goblin was in sight.

A large foot stepped near the poor snotty trash goblin. It was large, its toenails had all but bent back in on themselves. They were grotesque and covered in a layer of dirt so thick not even a power washer could get through it. The foot led up to a powerful set of calves that had more fat than muscle. Its thighs were like tree trunks; and its belly was overhung with layers of fat which hadn’t been released to the outside world in years.

A finger was scratching its ass aggressively, showing its temper about the situation it was in. One of its goblins had died, by none other than a human and a strange metal creature. The finger moved up past its hips and into its belly button where it found some left over trash panda meat. It carved it out and found its way into its yellow stained teeth. It’s neck held far more fat compared to its belly; there were no traces of it even having a neck. That same finger moved from its mouth into its saggy large ears, up its saggy nose large- passing multiple pimples only a pimple popper could dream of getting their hands on.

It smacked its lips together after such a tasty treat- but that didn’t change its mood. It had been relatively peaceful in the trash dumps since he had been in charge. But now there were two menaces killing its goblins.