“That,” Ty said, “was Voidstone.”

“What the fuck is Voidstone?” Pel continued to shout. “It felt like I was gonna die!”

“Voidstone is a natural mineral which repels and disperses Mana,” Ty explained. “It’s the one exception I know of to the rule that everything contains some amount of Mana. Because Fairies are made of Mana, this stone will suck out all our Mana by force. Prolonged exposure to Voidstone will eventually cause you to disperse.”

“Disperse?” Pel asked.

“The Mana making up your physical body will discorporate, it will un-make itself,” Ty said seriously. “You die.”

“Why the fuck did you make me touch it then?” Pel asked incredulously.

“Because, in careful doses, touching a Voidstone will deplete your Mana Pool without affecting your body,” Ty explained. “Think of it like using your Mana without casting a spell. Once you’ve used some of your Mana, you will begin regenerating it. Doing this repeatedly will simulate casting spells, allowing you to ‘work out’ your Clarity Attribute much like working out your Strength and Vitality attributes with the exercises they have you perform down in The Roots.”

“Wait, you want me to touch that thing again?” Pel asked.

“Yes, I want you to touch the Voidstone every day,” Ty confirmed. “Take a look at your current Mana, what is it at?”

Pel opened his Self Help screen.

“It’s at 120 out of 134,” He reported.

“Have you assigned any Attribute Points to Clarity yet?” Ty asked.

“No, just two to Vitality this morning,” Pel replied. “I didn’t have time to assign my Level 2 points yet.”

“Alright, go ahead and put your Level 2 points into Clarity,” Ty instructed. “Clarity is the Attribute that affects magic, and magic is a Fairy’s greatest strength, despite what Gabby might tell you.” Pel was pretty sure he heard the words ‘muscle freaks’ mumbled in there at the end, but he wasn’t about to ask.

Putting both points into Clarity brought his maximum total up to 146 Mana, and his regeneration increased from 2.9 Mana per minute to 3.2. A feeling quite different from assigning points to Vitality passed through Pel for a fleeting moment. It was like when both nostrils were finally clear after having a cold, but in the middle of his head. He couldn’t tell if it was just his imagination, but the distant scratches on the wooden tablets around the room seemed clearer to him. Easier to read.

“When you touched the Voidstone,” Ty continued, “what did you feel.”

Pel snorted. “It felt like my soul was getting sucked out through my fingertip.”

“Ah, yes. It is rather unpleasant, isn’t it?” Ty said. “But what I meant was, what did you feel your Mana doing?”

“I... didn’t notice,” Pel said, scratching his chin. “Just the soul sucking.”

“Alright, I want you to begin the mindfulness exercise again. This time, you can touch the Voidstone yourself. Try to continue the exercise while maintaining contact with the stone. Don’t panic, and focus on trying to sense the Mana within you leaving your body,” Ty said.

Hesitantly, Pel closed his eyes once more and began breathing in the pattern Ty taught him. Several repetitions calmed his nerves and mind, but not enough to actually want to touch the stone again. Slowly, unwillingly, Pel slid his hand forward until it made contact with the pouch. He gently traced a finger up the rough material of the pouch and into the opening making contact with the cold stone within.

Immediately the sensation of his soul being sucked out returned, and it took everything he had not to pull away again. His breath hissed out between clenched teeth and his face scrunched up with discomfort. The chill of the stone crept up his finger once again, spilling upward into his hand.

“Focus on trying to feel your Mana,” Ty’s voice said from the other side of Pel’s firmly closed eyelids.

I don’t know what Mana feels like! Pel thought angrily. It felt like his hand was being sucked up into a vacuum. The chill began to inch upward into his wrist and forearm as it became harder and harder for him to keep breathing. He wanted to let go, this was a waste of time, he should just wait for Level 5, why put up with this torture? The chill reached his elbow, his fingers were starting to actually hurt.

Mana is energy, Voidstones disperse energy, my energy is leaving my body, feel the energy, feel the flow, FUCK I hate this, take me back to The Roots! His head was starting to pound, a headache spreading outward from the top of his head, nearly reaching to his neck. It was finally too much, and Pel was forced to let go with a gasp. He opened his watering eyes and looked at his hand, expecting it to be ripped and bloody. Thankfully it was just paler than normal. He made a fist and wiggled his fingers a few times, but the chill was still present.

“This sucks. What does Mana even feel like? How am I supposed to know what to feel for?” Pel complained. Ugh, and my head hurts! Feels like a hangover...

“What does your hand feel like right now?” Ty asked.

“It feels cold and painful,” Pel replied.

“So, it feels empty of warmth?” Ty suggested.

“Well, yea. It’s cold,” Pel confirmed.

“And while you were touching the Voidstone, what sensation could you feel in your hand and arm?” Ty asked.

“Aside from the cold and pain, it was like my hand was stuck in a vacuum with wind rushing by, or maybe in a river with really fast water flowing around it. It felt like a strong suction,” Pel said.

“Check your current Mana. What’s it at?” Ty asked.

“22 out of 146 Mana,” Pel said after opening his Self Help screen. He flexed his hand a few more times in discomfort.

“Alright, this time I want you to close your eyes and practice the breathing exercise while trying to feel your Mana regenerating,” Ty instructed. “It should feel the opposite of what touching the Voidstone felt like, but far less pronounced. Just focus on your arm, that should help.”

Happy to no longer be forced to touch the cursed stone, Pel closed his eyes and breathed. He placed his arms gently into his lap and focused on the edge of the chill near his elbow. It tingled a bit, where the warm ended and the cold began. Almost like when a foot falls asleep, except just at the boundary. As he breathed, the boundary slowly crept further down his arm like snow melting on a warm afternoon.

If only my arm feels like this, why was nearly all my Mana depleted? Pel thought it strange. Why wasn’t most of his body invaded by the cold instead? He still couldn’t feel any Mana. He tried to imagine energy returning to his arm, that some force was pushing the cold away. He tried picturing gas expanding outward to fill him up, or water pouring into the cup of his body but nothing stood out. By the time his Mana refilled completely he hadn’t made any progress. He opened his eyes with a sigh.

At some point, Ty had returned to carefully scribing something onto a wooden tablet over at his workbench.

“What did you feel?” Ty asked, not looking up from his task.

“The cold went back down my arm,” Pel replied.

“Why did it go back down your arm?” Ty asked.

“Because my Mana regenerated?” Pel questioned.

“Yes, but that wasn’t what I wanted to hear. How did your Mana regeneration cause the cold to fade? What was the cold?” Ty asked more carefully.

“I don’t know. Maybe my regeneration filled me back up with Mana and that’s why the cold went away.

“Yes, and no,” Ty said. “Very superficial. Go ahead and touch the Voidstone again. Try to feel your Mana.”

“Can I just wait until I get to Level 5?” Pel pleaded.

“Whether or not the Voidstone helps you to feel your own Mana, the repeated act of draining and regenerating your Mana will push you to increase your Clarity naturally,” Ty said. “Think of it as exercise for your mind. Doing this will generate experience and get you to Level 5 faster.”

“Ugh. Fine.” Pel closed his eyes again and meditated. Once calm, he reached his hand out and placed a finger against the stone. As the feeling of having the life sucked out of him returned, he scrunched his face and concentrated.

The cold began to return, almost worse this time around than the last. It really did feel like his finger was stuck in the tube of a vacuum hose. Mana is energy, feel the energy! Pel’s mantra continued as his breathing exercise became more ragged. As the cold reached his elbow again, he broke contact with the stone. Keeping his eyes closed he returned to a neutral position to try feeling his Mana regenerate.

The cold receded down his arm as the warmth thawed it out. Wait, is that it? The warmth? He focused not on the cold, but on the warmth. The cold was a prominent slap in the face demanding attention compared to the gentle caress of the warmth, and the tingling boundary was an uncomfortable distraction added to the mix. Maybe it didn’t quite feel like tingling, but more like popcorn in his arm.

He moved his finger back to the stone as his Mana topped off, beginning the cycle anew. Maybe it isn’t the cold creeping in, but the warmth flowing out? He thought he could almost feel it then, thinking about it this way. As Mana left his finger, then his hand, then his arm, it was the absence of Mana that allowed the cold feeling to take over. Like warm air through an open window; as more warm air flowed out it was replaced by cold air. The cold air was air absent of Mana.

But if all the Mana is leaving my body, why is only my arm cold? Pel still couldn’t wrap his head around it. If everywhere was cold it would make more sense. He continued to alternate between having his soul leave his body, and regenerating his Mana. He could no longer hear the soft scratching of Ty working on the tablets, or his own thoughts counting silently to track his breathing. The damp smell of moss and water from the adjoining room no longer registered with him. Even the mildly uncomfortable stool beneath him faded softly from Pel’s perception until all that remained was the back-and-forth war of cold and warmth in his arm. His only reprieve was the notification blinking gently at him.

Notification

Congratulations, your recent mental efforts have awarded you 1 natural Willpower Point!

Well, at least all this suffering hasn't been for nothing. A hand placed gently on Pel’s shoulder roused him from his cycle. Opening his eyes, he turned his head to see Ty smiling down at him.

“Have you found your Mana yet?” Ty asked.

“I think I’m close,” Pel replied. “I was so focused on the cold feeling at first that I ignored the warmth that was normally there. Is the warmth my Mana?”

“The warmth itself is not Mana, but is a symptom of the presence of Mana,” Ty stated.

“One thing I don’t understand though, is why only my arm feels cold. If all my Mana is leaving, why isn’t my entire body getting cold,” Pel asked.

“It’s because your body is made of Mana,” Ty explained. “Directly touching the Voidstone extracts the Mana from your physical form, depleting it. In addition to the Mana in your Mana Pool, the longer you remain in contact with the stone, the more your physical body empties. However, the Mana in your Mana Pool isn’t something that is physical. The Mana your physical body is created by is not included in the value of your Mana Pool. The two are not connected.”

I... but...why am I focusing on my arm if the regeneration of my Mana isn’t connected to the Mana that my body is made of? If anything, Pel was even more confused about this exercise. I have to be missing something, but I don’t even know what questions to ask.

“This was a good first session,” Ty said, interrupting Pel’s thoughts. “I’m sure in two days when you return, you’ll be able to make a breakthrough. However, this is enough for today.”

Mat re-entered the room through the back doorway with a big smile on his face, his clothing dripping water onto the floor.

“I got another natural point in Clarity!” Mat exclaimed. “I’m also Level 7 now!”

“Excellent progress, Mat!” Ty congratulated. “What did you discover about your Mana today?”

“As I cast [Water Ball] slower and slower I was able to feel the point where my Mana exited my body and formed the spell,” Mat replied.

What the fuck? I thought body Mana and Mana Pool Mana were different? Pel thought. If Mana in the Mana Pool isn’t physical, how can he ‘feel it exiting’?

“Can you explain more clearly what your Mana felt like as it flowed into the spell?” Ty asked, seemingly able to read Pel’s mind.

“Mmm…the Mana is there but it isn’t. It’s...in the same space my body takes up but it takes up no space. I really can’t describe it any better,” Mat replied apologetically.

“You’re getting very close, good work Mat,” Ty complimented. “The rest of your day is free; you may spend it however you wish. Pel, if you’d like, I can lend you my Voidstone until you return.”

“No thanks,” Pel refused immediately. “I’d rather take another shift in The Roots.”

“HA! It’s terrible isn’t it!” Mat laughed. “I almost fainted the first time I touched that thing. It definitely makes you want to hit Level 5 faster!”

“That’s for sure,” Pel said, nodding his agreement.

Pel and Mat said goodbye to Ty, and made their way back through the oceanic room of moss and water tanks. Taking flight, the two began to descend through The Mother Tree with Mat once again taking them on a looping path that hugged the wall.

“Why don’t you just fly straight down?” Pel asked.

“Flying like this makes you use your wings longer, and takes more Stamina,” Mat responded. “It ties into the other Stamina exercises we do down in The Roots.”

“Ah, I see,” Pel said. “So, what do we do now?”

“Whatever we want! Except go outside. Well, you can’t go outside anyway,” Mat said. “Nobody is allowed to go out until they reach Level 5. But you can do anything else!”

“Like what?” Pel asked.

“Like...go party! There’s always a party someplace! Or...go learn a trade! The older Fairies are always looking for helpers, they can teach you! You could also go work out some more, or just fly around, or go eavesdrop! Being sneaky is always fun!”

Mat continued to list off various ‘fun’ things to do, but Pel wasn’t particularly interested in any of them. I’d kill for some internet access right now. It was fun. The internet was fun. What else was it?...fuck. Uh, Everything was on it. No, not on it, accessible through it. Everything was connected. Maybe I should start writing stuff down. These random holes in what Pel could remember were frustrating. Being able to remember the name of something, but not its purpose was both annoying and frightening. He could still remember that he had two parents and an older sister, but not their names or faces. He could also remember that they took trips every year to see their grandparents, but he couldn’t remember who they were or where they lived.

I guess I really will lose most of my past. Pel thought sadly. In only a single day I’ve already lost so much…

“This is my house!” Mat announced, rousing Pel from his thoughts. “This week at least.”

“That’s right. Tina did say that everyone moves around a lot. Or was it Clover?” Pel wondered.

“Yea, the newest Fairies always take the lowest houses. Every week we move up a row. Only three more days!” Mat said. “Do you want to meet up later for the birthday party?”

“Sure. When’s that?” Pel asked.

“You’ll feel it. The air starts to shake,” Mat said. “Have you figured out what you’re gonna do until then?”

“No, but I’ll probably go find my house and then keep flying for a bit. I couldn’t fly back when I was Human,” Pel mentioned.

“Oh, yea,” Mat said awkwardly. “Well, see ya later! I’m gonna go practice drawing!”

“Alright, have fun. See you tonight!” Pel waved goodbye, flying off. Flying really is just as good as I dreamed it’d be.

Pel first flew down, locating his house on the bottom row of houses several rows below Mat’s house. Seeing the mushroom towers from this distance made him smile, it was just like looking down on the table in the command tower. Pel walked inside, grabbing the blanket that he left drying off on the stools and threw it back into the pile. He summoned his wings, and hovered just over the pile for a moment before canceling the Skill and dropping into the comforting embrace of blankets and pillows.

Today was barely half over, and despite not physically requiring sleep his mind yearned for it. The issue with his Mana was still bugging him. Pel thought he was getting close, if he could reach that state of mindless cycling again, he’d probably have a breakthrough. If only the difference between his body and his Mana Pool didn’t seem so contradictory. He wiggled in frustration, sinking deeper into the comforting pile of softness like a snake burying itself in sand.

The Voidstone sucked his Mana Pool dry, that was a fact represented by the numbers reflected on his Self Help table. It also sucked the Mana out of his physical body, but it didn’t break it down or make it disappear. This was represented by the cold feeling that crept up his arm. Two separate systems. Maybe it would make sense if he could use Mana through spellcasting separately from also losing it from his physical body. Ugh, being a Fairy is bullshit.

Pel opened his Self Help scroll, and seeing no changes to his Attributes closed it again immediately. Stamina’s full, he thought absently. And I forgot to follow up with Ty on how he was able to see my Level. He began the struggle of extricating himself from the fluff pile, giving up halfway through and collapsing face first into a pillow. Instead, he directly summoned his wings and flew backwards, which was actually upward toward the ceiling. Cheat code accepted. Let’s go see if Berry has something that won’t make me lose all control of my faculties.

Following Mat’s example, Pel looped upward along the wall and passed quite a few ongoing parties. Heh, Mat was right. There’s always a party somewhere. Many balconies were already filling up with dancing Fairies, happy motes of light danced over their heads to the sound of many different instruments. It seemed that the majority of the day’s work had already been completed and everyone was starting to unwind.

Berry’s Bottle was still not even half full, but several round tables were full with groups playing games of dice or cards. Spotting Pel walking in, Berry smiled and beckoned him toward the bar with a tilt of his head. Pel crossed the wooden floor, weaving between the tables to find a seat on one of the empty stools at the bar.

“Pel! Good to see you!” Berry said while wiping down the bar. “How was your first day in The Mother Tree?”

“I’m not sure,” Pel replied, “I learned a lot, but I think I hated most of it. Exercising in The Root wasn’t even that bad compared to trying to sense my Mana at Mentor Ty’s place.” Pel shivered just remembering that fucking stone.

“Ha-ha! That’s what a lot of new Fairies say!” Berry tucked his rag away and retrieved a wooden mug from the back rail. “Wait, what did you do at Ty’s place?”

“Well, I don’t have any spells yet so he made me touch a Voidstone to deplete my Mana,” Pel said. “He wanted me to ‘feel the flow of my Mana’ as the Voidstone tried to rip my soul out.”

“Ouch, what an old method,” Berry replied. “Usually, you’d just go find a wand or something, but I’m sure he has a reason.”

“A wand?” Pel asked.

“Yea, I’m sure there are a bunch of Fairies around here who have one,” Berry said. “Just use the wand to deplete your Mana.”

Pel’s eyebrow twitched in annoyance. That fucking asshole…

“So, do wands make you feel like you’re going to die?” Pel wanted to confirm.

“What? No, of course not,” Berry laughed. “Wands have a spell stored inside, and you use your Mana to cast it. Voidstones consume your Mana way faster, but they’re cold and painful.”

God damnit! Pel banged his fist onto the bar.

“Ugh, I need a drink,” Pel moaned.

“Sure thing! What can I get'cha?” Berry asked.

“Ya got anything that won’t turn me into an idiot?” Pel asked hopefully.

“So, something weak then,” Berry teased. “How ‘bout some Honey Wine?” Pel nodded his agreement. Berry picked up the wooden mug and walked to the end of the bar where four large, banded wooden barrels were laid out on barrel stands. Berry walked to the nearest one, placing the mug beneath the tap. Upon turning it, a golden liquid flowed into the mug and filled the nearby air with the scent of flowers and fresh honey.

“That’s the last barrel I have of the summer wine,” Berry commented, setting the mug down in front of Pel. “Enjoy it while you can, come next week I’ll probably run out.”

Pel picked the mug up, watching the liquid as he swirled it around. It seemed thicker than water, but didn’t cling to the sides of the mug. He brought the mug to his face, and took a sniff. Sweet and floral, almost like wine but also like beer. Pel took a sip. It was cool, but not cold, incredibly sweet but not cloying, the honey taste was prominent but rode gently on top of a subtle bed of citrus blossom and lily. He closed his eyes and savored every moment, his toes wiggling happily.

“Heh. That good, huh?” Berry asked.

“Mmmhh,” Pel replied wordlessly, taking another sip. Much better than Birthday Brandy. “Honestly Berry, you have a gift.”

“Nah, more like a bunch of Skills!” Berry replied. “I’m a Fruit Fairy, and I can turn just about anything into alcohol!”

“Are any of those skills something you could teach me?” Pel asked.

“Mmm, not really. Some of the general principles for sure, but most of my knowledge and ability is directly tied to my Racial Skills,” Berry said apologetically. “Not much I can do about that.”

“That’s too bad,” Pel replied, taking another sip. “What do you know about those Stamina potions they have down in The Roots?”

“Stamina potions? I’m pretty sure someone in the Tree Guard makes those,” Berry said. “Are you interested in Alchemy?”

“Maybe. If it’s something I can learn without needing specific Racial Skills,” Pel responded.

“I don’t think you need Racial Skills to do Alchemy,” Berry said, “but being a Fire Fairy certainly helps.”

“How is that?” Pel asked.

“Well, Alchemy requires not only specific ingredients and painstaking attention to detail, but also very precise application of heat,” Berry said. “Controlling the heat applied to the potions through Racial Skills is much easier to control than using an independent source of heat.”

“I see,” said Pel, finishing off his mug with a satisfied sigh. Maybe if I’m lucky I’ll be able to get a heat or fire type skill from my Racial options at a higher level.

“Would you like a refill?” Berry asked.

“Yes please,” Pel said, pushing the mug across the bar toward Berry. “Hey, what’s in the other barrels?”

“These?” Berry pointed his thumb over his shoulders. “You aren’t ready for these yet,” he said with a chuckle.

“Are they stronger than Birthday Brandy?” Pel asked.

“Ha! Birthday Brandy isn’t strong. It’s just special,” Berry said, opening the tap on the Honey Wine barrel. “It only works once, and only if you’ve never had anything else to eat or drink before.”

“So, what. It’s basically a prank you play on all the new Fairies?” Pel asked. I am so going to get Tina and Clover back for this!

“Pretty much,” Berry said, setting the mug back down in front of Pel. “Every bar in The Mother Tree has a bottle of it. After all the ceremony, it’s pretty much the highlight of the night.”

“Well, glad to have been of service,” Pel said, taking a gulp of the delicious drink. “Just never, ever, ever tell me anything about last night.”

“As long as you promise to stay off my ceiling, you have a deal,” Berry laughed.

“Your ceiling? I thought everyone moved houses every week?” Pel asked.

“I don’t live here, silly,” Berry said. “I just run the bar. My house is up a few dozen rows.”

“How can everyone keep moving up every week? Won’t we all run out of up to go eventually?” Pel asked.

“There are a lot of empty houses,” Berry said. “I don’t know the specifics, but I heard there was a war a long time ago that nearly wiped us out. But yes, eventually you’ll reach the top of The Mother Tree. If that happens, you don’t have to move around anymore.”

“How long ago was the war?” Pel asked.

“I’m not sure. Maybe Tina knows?” Berry suggested.

“I’ll ask her tomorrow when she takes me to my second mentor,” Pel mentioned, taking another sip.

“Second mentor?” Berry asked.

“Yea, since there aren’t any other Celestial Fairies Tina thought it might be a good idea to have me learn under a couple different mentors,” Pel said. “I spent time at Ty’s place today, and tomorrow Tina’s going to introduce me to someone else.”

“Hmm, I bet it’s a Fire Fairy,” Berry guessed.

“Yea, I think so too,” Pel agreed. “A water mentor since they know stuff about healing, and a fire mentor since they know stuff about heat and fire. I guess Celestial is kinda both in one?”

“I’m not really sure,” Berry admitted. “I know Celestial Fairies’ Racial Skills usually involve healing and stuff about stars and light, but aside from that…” he shrugged his shoulders.

“Well, I’ll find out eventually,” Pel said, downing his second mug. My lips are tingly. Pushing the mug away he shook his head when Berry pointed at it questioningly. “Nah, gotta take it easy at least until the birthday party starts.”

“Alright, but don’t complain to me when you want more later but I’ve run out,” Berry warned.

“Depending on how much I’ve had to drink before that point, I can’t make any promises,” Pel laughed while standing up from the stool. He slapped the bar top, saying, “Alright Berry, see you later. I’m gonna go fly around a bit.”

“Ok, have fun!” Berry replied, waving Pel off.

I hope there are no rules against flying under the influence.