《Jack and Jill Conquer the Shattered World》106: Calling Home
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“Was boredom always such a scary thing?!” I said. While speaking to Jack and Kalpana via a projected video-call.
The Empty-Dream and Empty-Network were pretty much the only things I could work on while I was doing this mission, but unfortunately, the systems I’d set in place to maintain the Empty-Dream and Empty-Network were doing their jobs a little too well. With my friends and subordinates in the Empty-Society picking up any slack before I had any chance to do anything.
Doing larger work required abandoning my post, which I couldn’t do because as minor a matter as I might have made this mission sound like, it could turn into something seriously troublesome if I allowed myself to get too distracted. Meaning, that for the time being, I was stuck just cooling my heels. I couldn’t even pop into me and Jack’s private realm, because our enemy might take advantage of my absence.
“Ah, how nice for you that you get the luxury of being bored,” said Jack. Giving me a good-humored, but faintly annoyed, look while working on something on the console in front of her.
“Heh, I think you’re just addicted to work, love...Our harvesters evolved from ants, and kept our ancestor’s work ethic, but even we feel you work far too much...Especially for an entity working on its own without millions of sisters to back it up,” said Kalpana. Laughing lightly as she got up and pulled something from out of view of the holographic window we were speaking through.
“Oh, pish...Don’t spoil him too much, Kal! Watch, he’s going to ask if there’s any work we’d like him to do…”
My smile froze. It seemed after centuries of marriage one’s partners get very good at predicting one’s actions.
“Uh...W-, well, would that be so wrong?” I said. Blushing.
Both women answered at the same time.
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“ “ Yes!” “
“R-, really?” I said. Blinking in surprise.
“Yeah...I mean, I hated the way the bosses dumped this on us, at first...but in hindsight, maybe they did us all a favor…”
“You think?” I said. Not sure I agreed.
“Jill...In the span of a little over a thousand years, you destroyed, rebuilt, and conquered over 122 multiverses...A single multiverse possesses just shy of an infinite number of universes...Conquering one universe on its own generally should take hundreds of thousands if not millions of years…” said Kalpana.
“Well, I had a lot of help,” I said. Thinking Jack, Kal, the countless other Empty-Harvesters, the Sect, the army of the constructs borrowed from the Division, and the constructs I made myself.
“Babe, that’s sweet. It really is, but it’s also very wrong…” said Jack. Getting up, walking offscreen for a bit, and then coming back a moment later with a coffee that took two sips of and then promptly spiked with some immortal liquor that she kept in her desk.
“Eh?!” I said.
“How much do you actually remember of that war?” said Kalpana. Accepting a cup of non-spiked tea from Jack.
“Uh….” To tell the truth, I had to think about that. Thanks to my eidetic memory and immortal mind, it was impossible for me to forget anything. Yet, things had been so hectic during that period that there was a lot that ended up being pushed out of my active memory.
“Yeah, I thought so...So, of the 122 multiverses we conquered together. The Empty-Society conquered 30...just following the plans we’d set...I.e. Without your help. We conquered 60 more multiverses with your direct involvement...And then the remaining 32 multiverses were basically all you, Jill…” said Jack.
“Huh…Really?”
“Really,” said Jack.
“Okay, but I don’t see the big deal…” I said.
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“Of course, you don’t, pudding...And that’s part of your charm, hon...But didn’t you wonder why all those gods, devils, spirits, fae royalty, dragons, and sundry other immortals fell in line so quickly?” said Jack.
“Or, why the Shattered-Star Pantheon and Lost-Moon Pantheon suddenly turned around and became all buddy-buddy with us?” said Kalpana.
“Wait, I thought ‘that’ was because we included the pantheons in our plans and allowed them to get a slice of the pie…”
“Well, you’re not wrong in that regard...but it also has a lot to do with the fact that as far as our little slice of the cosmos is concerned….you’re probably pretty concerning for them…” said Kalpana.
“I don’t get it…” I said. Deciding to simply admit I was lost.
“....She’s trying to say that while we see a big sexy teddy-bear...The rest of our slice of the heavens see only your claws and teeth love...You conquered 30 multiverses pretty much on your own...and you conquered 122 multiverses with a force that can ostensibly be said to be under your command...Outside of the bigger players like the Division and the House...there aren’t that many existences with those kinds of stats under their belt,” said Jack.
“Ah...I see….I think,” I said. Intellectually understanding her argument, but only vaguely remembering that period, in much the same way, a university student might only vaguely remember all the work they put in to successfully escape from the institution with a degree in hand.
Kalpana chuckled. Jack sighed.
Then Jack looked up and smiled.
“So….How’s progress going with Hong Mirae, Kian, and the other two?”
“It’s going alright, I think…” I said. Arms crossed.
“Uh-huh...So any steamy stories to share yet?” said Jack.
“Uh…”
“Tch...Welp, I’m not going to rush you. You’ve got hundreds of years to see if there’s something real there with at least one of those ladies….and if they’re not a match. We’re immortals. Times the one the thing we’ll never run out of...So you know...No pressure,” said Jack.
“Wow...That’s surprisingly chill of you,” I said.
“Welp, this coffee was decaf so momma’s a little buzzed,” said Jack. Giving me a warm smile, while nodding towards the mug she was holding.
“Heh, I see,” I said. Laughing.
“Seriously, though...No pressure. I know we made it seem like this whole trip was partially made with finding the next Missus Calloway for our little family, but well, follow your heart or whatever...and your brain...and your penis...and if things don’t work out. No need to sweat it,” said Jack.
I nodded.
“Righto, wife-o-mine,”
“What she said,” said Kalpana. Nodding in agreement, while resting her head on Jack’s shoulder.
“So...What are you guys working on anyway?” I asked. Unable to not notice the heaps of paperwork and electronic devices that were scattered around them.
“Oh, we’re just doing a full accounting of all of our Empty-Society’s assets, liabilities, and expected income, to keep our new allies and vassals from trying to screw us,” said Jack.
“Because we’re pretty sure at least a few of them...are already trying to screw us,” said Kalpana.
“More like we ‘know’ a few of them are already trying to screw us...but we’re checking the numbers to see how much they’re screwing us over, so we can decide what a measured response from our Empty-Society would be,” said Jack. Flashing a vicious smile that promised that whoever was playing games with our group, was likely in for a very bad time.
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