You push the button.

Ding.

The jars of teeth are gone.

Replaced with jars full of fingernail clippings!

...Kidding.

Heeheehee

Ok, sorry about that. Had to be done.

Instead of any jars at all, you are now in a room full of lincoln logs!

Child with a combover not included.

And there are significantly more than two hundred sixty eight pieces. There are, in fact, twenty three thousand four hundred and fifty six.

In the pile of random logs you will find: fifty roof pieces, twenty large roof pieces, forty chimneys, two thousand one notch pieces, two thousand two notch pieces, three thousand, four hundred three notch pieces, two thousand one hundred four notch pieces, eight thousand green half logs, and five thousand uncolored half logs.

You will note that the numbers I listed do not add up to twenty thousand four hundred and fifty six. That is because I am bad at math. And also because the numbers I listed are the minimum you’ve received of each type. There ought to be more of each type than what I’ve told you.

Basically the intern we had on the job got bored of counting, wrote “minimum” on the sheet, and called it a day. Since no one wanted to take over the job, we decided this was fine.

Or, my boss did. I had nothing to do with it. There really wasn’t any “we”.

Aaaaaanyways, what will you do with the logs? What wonderful marvel of architecture will you create?

You are a person who follows directions.

You see the box, see the buildings on the box, and decide to build those.

It takes you, oh, forty minutes to build all three.

Well done. You have no imagination whatsoever.

There are enough pieces here to completely recreate a giant fort! With surrounding town!

Being the expert on American 19th century midwest, you know exactly what to build and how to build it!

This! Yes, this is what you build!

...You may have left out some of the details.

Also, why is it that when I searched for fort blueprints it only gave me forts from Louisiana and Florida? Oh, and that one in Pittsburgh, which I guess is pretty cool, but not exactly in the midwest.

Anyways, yep. Takes you a while, since you make it as big as possible. Takes up most of the room when you’re done.

Nice.

You decide to make a house of your own design, not one of the ones on the box.

You think about it, carefully laying out the foundation before nodding to yourself and building up. Making sure there’s a doorway, you build up to where the windows would be and change blocks, allowing an empty space for windows.

It doesn’t take too long, since you aren’t building a full mansion. But it ends up as a nice little house, something Laura Ingalls Wilder would have been happy to live in, I’m sure.

You separate out the longest of the logs, and start stacking them. This is basically Jenga on easy mode.

Or hard mode, depending on your point of view.

You take your time, going slowly, and build up the tower. You run out of the four notch pieces about halfway to the ceiling, and after debating at bit switch out for two notch pieces. You could do the three notch pieces, but then it might get unbalanced and fall over.

And we don’t want that.

You can’t quite reach the ceiling with them, because you simply aren’t tall enough.

Well, wait a minute.

You slowly, carefully, build yourself a stool to stand on. You step on it carefully, and, yep. It’ll hold your weight.

Now you can reach the ceiling! You pick up an armful of the two notch logs and step onto your stool, building the tower higher. Soon you slide the last block into place, and step down.

Logs stretch from floor to ceiling. It’s a work of art.

...Someone on the clean-up crew is going to hate you.

Well, that was fun! We should give you more toys to play with, shouldn’t we?

DO YOU PRESS THE BUTTON? Yes No