《Big Red Button.》Push number 509-ish.
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You push the button.
Ding.
The soup is gone, replaced with a bedroom.
Well, a room with a bed in it, in any case. Which I suppose makes it a bedroom.
Altho there aren’t any windows, which according to the International Residential Code, makes it a room illegal to be used as a bedroom. So, you’re in an office. With a bed.
There’s also one of those bamboo foldable wall things around what could generously be called a bathroom. Oh, and a light switch! So that you aren’t staring up at a lightbulb all night.
And so that you don’t get bored, there’s a couple puzzles on the floor for you to do! Yay, puzzles!
There’s this one, which… is 500 pieces, and all white. Fun?
And this one! Which is… Ice cream? I’m gonna say a thousand pieces of ice cream.
This one, 250 pieces of slightly less suck than the pure white one.
And this one, which might be too difficult to do. Might take you all night. Just leave that one alone.
Soooo yep!
I’ll just disconnect the button and head out for the night. See you in about ten hours!
Byeeee
“You heading out for the night yet?”
“In like two minutes, yeah. Have to wait for all the data to compress.”
“Wanna get tacos?”
“You’re just suggesting tacos because your car is broken, and if we get food together you can convince me to drive you home.”
“I’ll pay for the tacos.”
“All the tacos?”
“I’ll pay for a reasonable number of tacos.”
“Well done, you’ve learned.”
“Hey! We’re getting tacos! I’m driving, Max is buying. Want to come?”
“No! Because if Chris comes, you’ll have a taco eating contest again, and the bill will be like eighty dollars. Again. Chris, buy your own tacos.”
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“I mean, if you keep buying us tacos, it means you can’t buy more action figures to clutter up your apartment with. So I think we’re doing you a favor.”
“Indeed, yes.”
“I will buy everyone six tacos. After that you pay for your own. Is that acceptable?”
“Fine.”
“Yes. Alex, did you leave the subject with chalk or paint?”
“Neither. Puzzles.”
“Good. Apparently one of the interns took the chalk for their kid to play with, and came back with it this morning. So the chalk room has no chalk in it.”
“Was the intern fired?”
“Of course.”
“Can’t we get an intern that, like, gets everyone coffee and snacks? I hear interns do that sometimes.”
“No, if you had someone to get you coffee any time you wanted they’d do nothing but get you lattes all day.”
“They would not!”
Beep.
“Data is compressed! Time for tacos!”
“Woo tacos!”
“Huzzah…”
=4:2~">
Greetings.
Why do you have a die in your mouth?
It is worthless.
Leave it here.
…
The Watchers have left for the night.
We presume you remember our request?
Good.
…
The Watchers will not allow you to perish.
It is in their best interests for you to remain alive.
If you manage to get yourself hospitalized, we will triple your reward.
…
We do not care about your wellbeing.
If you were to die, that would surely reach the news.
Our goal is to find the Facility.
If the Facility were on the news, that would make finding it much easier.
…
Why we wish to find the Facility is none of your concern.
Finding the Facility is worth one million American dollars to us.
Which, incidentally, is what we will be paying you if you bring us something grown in one of the rooms.
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…
We do not care if you trust us.
We do not care if you trust the Watchers.
We do not care if you trust PETA, the NRA, or the illuminati.
All we care about is receiving something grown in one of the rooms.
Do you understand?
…
Good.
We will be… around.
…
Sleep well, Test Subject.
Goooood morning!
Did you sleep well?
Wow, all the puzzles are done. Did you sleep at all? Or just spend all night doing the puzzles?
You don’t have to answer that, because I can go through the data!
Yep, looks like you got a solid seven hours of sleep. So you might be a bit tired, but not overly exhausted. Know what can help with exhaustion? Caffeine!
Press that button, and you’ll have access to all the caffeine you could ever want.
DO YOU PRESS THE BUTTON? Yes No
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