The bees vanish. Where their hive was is now a soft-serve ice cream machine! Cool!

…Get it? Cool? Cuz it’s

Never mind! Anyways! Ice cream! Yes! Inside this machine is real ice cream, too, none of that froyo crap. The machine even says Ice Cream on it, so that there's no confusion.

In three flavors! Chocolate, vanilla, and chocolate-vanilla swirl!

Six exclamation marks in two paragraphs, I think that’s a record for me. Sorry about that, I’ll stop now.

So, yes, the third flavor is technically a mixture of the first two, but that’s never stopped people from marketing it as a completely unique flavor.

Now, on the pictures it shows several different flavors, and given the three different colors of ice cream under the levers the uninitiated might presume that this machine is capable of giving out three completely different flavors. This is a lie. On the top you will clearly see only two lids, meaning only two flavors can be poured in at a time. Meaning this machine only makes two flavors, and a swirl.

On the side is a tube full of ice cream cones. Which will you choose?

Ah yes, vanilla. Good old vanilla. Can’t really go wrong with vanilla. Sure, something like matcha pistachio might be more interesting, and might be marginally healthier for you, but it isn’t something you want every day. Whereas with vanilla, boring as it is, will never be unexpected.

Life is far too exciting and unexpected at times. Vanilla ice cream is a good balance to that.

You pull out a cone, pull the lever, and make yourself a big vanilla ice cream cone.

You sit on the floor and take your time, enjoying it.

In this day and age, chocolate is almost as boring and unoriginal as vanilla. Like, if you have an option of three dessert things, I would be willing to bet money that one of them is chocolate.

Sure, they might call it “dark chocolate”, “rich chocolate”, “creamy chocolate”, or maybe something exciting like “pistachio chocolate”, but the word chocolate will probably be in there somewhere.

The thing is, chocolate is good. There are very few people in the universe who dislike chocolate. It has caffeine in it, which is a good thing, and eating it releases endorphins in the brain, which makes us happy while eating it.

Now personally, I am a chocolate snob. I am very particular about the chocolate I eat. I’m also very particular about the hot chocolate I drink. To the point that I prefer to receive almost literally anything in a gift basket over chocolate. And it’s not just related to the price tag, either. I abhor truffles, and my favorite brand of hot chocolate is the Wal-Mart brand (the one with mini marshmallows in it). I tell people I don’t care for chocolate so that they don’t give me any, but looking into my snack drawer reveals four chocolate based snacks.

You decide you need some endorphins, and fill a cone with chocolate ice cream. You take your time in eating it, enjoying every moment.

Ah, an enjoyer of chaos, I see! That or you think the swirl is aesthetically pleasing. Or perhaps you’re someone who can never make up your mind about what to get, so you get all the things, mixed up in one!

I enjoy swirled ice cream. As a child I always tried to taste the difference between the colors, couldn’t because it’s ice and my sense of taste isn’t all that great, and was convinced that they were the same.

...Actually, I’m still mildly convinced of that.

I mean, if you have something like strawberry, with real strawberries, or pistachio with real pistachios in it, sure there’s a difference. There are textures and smells that provide a difference. But when all you have is soft-serve chocolate and vanilla, is there really a difference other than color? Is there really?

I don’t believe there is.

But in any case, the swirls are pretty.

You sit down on the floor and enjoy your ice cream in its cone.

What, none? No ice cream at all? Why not?

You’re lactose intolerant.

Oh.

Well then.

That… That sucks. Sorry about that.

Do… Do you want to eat a cone? Dry?

No?

Didn’t think so. I wouldn’t want to, either.

Anyways, the button is right there. Waiting. Maybe in the next room there will be something you can eat?

DO YOU PRESS THE BUTTON? Yes No