You push the button.

Ding

Yep, the ding is one hundred percent coming from underground somewhere. Given how thick the concrete seems to be, it must be quite a loud sound. You wonder where it originates.

Finally you look up.

Into the eyes of a cow.

…

….

…..

Yep. A cow. A Belted Galloway cow, to be exact.

Why is there a cow, you ask? That is a good question! A very good question!

Just, erm, just get to know the cow, I’ll be riiiight back…

To: Big Boss Chris From: Testing Room Beta Subject: Cow Hey! Quick question: when did we get live cows into this thing??? To: Testing Room Beta From: Big Boss Chris Subject: Re: Cow It’s a promotional thing, from that ranch up by Napa. I’m surprised you got to it so fast. To: Big Boss Chris From: Testing Room Beta Subject: Re: Re: Cow Details??? To: Testing Room Beta From: Big Boss Chris Subject: Re: Re: Re: Cow The tl;dr is, we rent the cow, they get to add a “humanitarian research” section to their website, we get a discount on lunch meat. To: Big Boss Chris From: Testing Room Beta Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Cow The burgers have been really good lately… Next time can you make a deal with a coffee company? To: Testing Room Beta From: Big Boss Chris Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Cow Maybe. Get back to work.

Ok, yes, cow! Cows are big. This one is slightly longer than four feet, meaning it fills up quite a bit of the room. It’s 1,300 pounds, give or take, which is much much heavier than you.

It watches you.

Are you afraid of it?

Normally, you don’t think of yourself as a person who is afraid of cows.

Cows aren’t one of the typically vicious animals. Bulls, sure, but not cows. Hell, “cowed” means to be subdued or frightened into timidity.

...Granted, the two words have nothing to do with each other, but still.

Anyways, yes. Cows typically aren’t an animal you’d say you’re frightened of. Then again, typically you aren’t trapped in a room with one. A room that seems much smaller now than it did a minute ago.

You back into the opposite corner.

The cow watches you. It’s nostrils flare as it sniffs at you, taking a step in your direction.

You press your back to the wall. Is this it? Is this how you die? Cornered by a bovine colored like an oreo?

It sticks out its blueish-black tongue, and-

It steps on the button.

Nope! No fear here! You like cows, and this one seems quite friendly!

You walk up to it and start petting it.

The fur isn’t the softest texture in the world, but that’s ok. It sniffs you, looking for food. You don’t have any, but for some reason it tries licking your armpit.

You laugh, gently pushing the giant head away. You feel like this cow could be your friend.

It nuzzles you, turning to face you better. You hug it. This is a nice cow. It is your friend. You want to keep it forever, and name it Oreo.

It takes a step, and its hoof comes down on the button.

Nooooooo

Ding.