Though Fiyu was too well-trained to allow anything short of an emergency to hinder her soulcrafting, no spirit was capable of constant focus. She found herself attempting to spend every waking hour in her soulhome, hiding from her thoughts within discipline.

She had essentially completed work on her temporary vestibule and only made slight alterations to its efficacy in order to appease Warden Tythes. Though she disliked the modification to Relative Guchiro's blueprint, its function was intriguing. Perhaps, under better conditions and his guidance, she might adapt a permanent feature along similar lines in the future.

That complete, she had been able to spend the majority of her soulcrafting time on work that she had uncomfortably skipped while preparing for the Chasm. The most fruitful was improving her gatehouse, which made her Soulsilver Bracers feel more comfortable on her wrists by the day. Once she had even left with Warden Tythes and located some silvery stone in the ruins, which matched the bracers enough to strengthen the gatehouse.

Less successful had been her attempts to tap some of the cantae within the mistheart. The sublime material was extremely powerful, and perhaps even appropriate for her blueprint, yet as an Archcrafter her soul struggled to contain it. She had attempted to build an enclosure with a single opening, but it only emitted a stream of pressurized cantae and risked damage to her soulhome.

Whenever she was exhausted, or particularly needed to escape other thoughts, she focused on polishing the interior of her barrier wall. Though she had refined the exterior to a dark sheen, in order to improve her stealth technique, the interior remained rather rough. It troubled her whenever she saw it, and in turn she believed that it slightly inhibited the flow of her cantae as it left her soulhome. Still, she was pleased that she had been able to escape the gaze of an Authority, even if it couldn't help them with Warden Tythes.

Recognizing that she could do no more work effectively, Fiyu left her soulhome and looked over the island. It had become quite familiar over the past days, so there were few places for her eyes to rest. She settled on the door, still impenetrable. Warden Tythes forced them to attempt it again daily, and they had recently made their way past two thirds of the lock, but it would likely require Friend Theo's ascension to open.

That thought drew her eyes back to the tent, and everything else.

Desperately she looked aside, searching for Warden Tythes as the greatest threat. He had pulled what she first feared was a spear from his chest, but it had been a harmless sublime metal. At the moment he appeared to be attacking the ground, which was slightly disturbing. The stone resisted, as it had almost all other attempts, but Warden Tythes eventually managed to stab the metal pole in deep, which was quite impressive.

Then he revealed a second pole, jammed it in a short distance away, and hung a hammock between the two. He lay down it it and sighed dramatically, only to grow uncomfortable a moment later and get back out to reposition the poles to suit his liking.

Unfortunately, his strange behavior couldn't hold her attention forever. Eventually Fiyu had no choice but to look back to the tent and her companions. Once more, the strange emotions swelled from deep within her.

Neither of them appeared to be troubled by their circumstances, not realizing how she felt to be alone in the tent with a valued companion and a trusted ally standing guard outside. Of course Friend Nauda was unaffected, since Tatians practically slept in piles. Friend Theo appeared completely oblivious, almost as asexual as an Ichili except without any discomfort with proximity or touch.

At first, Fiyu had attempted to ignore the feelings, since their environment remained dangerous. Yet the emotions were so strange... she felt such deep friendship with both of them, and a deep desire for something else, yet she was uncertain who to approach. Her relatives had told her that it was distantly possible that she would feel more than one potential connection at once, which generally led to heartbreak, but it was improbable in Ichili society.

The terrifying thing was that she didn't know how either of them felt, her senses completely incapable of determining their deeper emotions. From their musculature she was certain that both Friend Theo and Friend Nauda cared for and trusted her, but those were emotions that would be appropriate for a relative and did not require being lifemates. It was possible that they both intended to remain alone, or join with someone from their own world.

Among Ichili, the next step would be to discuss the matter calmly. There could be deep sadness when desires did not align, but none of the insanity she had seen in other worlds. Fiyu realized that she was fidgeting in her seat, unable to decide. She was unsure how to approach either of them, and even more unsure which one she wanted to approach.

In the end, she decided that Friend Theo had always been the most understanding. She could inquire about lifemate customs with him and he would inform her if she was committing errors. The idea of him reciprocating her feelings sent a tingle through her, but Fiyu suppressed the feeling until that night, when Warden Tythes had gone to sleep and Friend Nauda was on watch outside.

"Theo..." She waited until he looked at her, deeply shadowed by the tent, and forced herself to continue. "I would like to speak with you regarding lifemate customs between worlds."

All the muscles through his back and neck immediately tensed, showing such intense discomfort that Fiyu nearly fled. But she was held captive by the tent, and when he turned to her the muscles of his smile were stiff but not angry, so she forced herself to remain. "Can you be more specific? I know Ichili customs, but I... don't know what you're asking."

"Ordinarily, I would not experience these desires until I was older. My journey with the two of you may have forced me to develop more quickly." She suspected that it had been triggered by the wholly benign touch when they had saved her life, but felt that it would be unwise to state that for reasons she couldn't identify to herself. Fiyu realized that she had not truly answered his question and pushed on. "Regrettably, my relative is not here to guide me. I know that these matters are very different in other cultures and worlds, but I hoped to find clarity."

"I don't think it's easy for anyone, Fiyu. Emotions are a mess no matter who you are."

The way he said her name so gently sent a strange heat through her that Fiyu struggled to ignore. "I believe that it can be less so if you communicate clearly. Is it not appropriate to approach others to ask them about those emotions?"

Another smile, but the muscles around his eyes struck her as sad. "That's usually how it works, but you haven't really asked yet."

"I... I care for you very much, Theo. I would like for us to travel together, and perhaps one day we will be relatives. But I do not know if it would also be possible for us to be lifemates. Do you... how do you feel?" Those hadn't been quite the words she'd intended to say, but they had spilled out of her and they couldn't be taken back. Unknown Theo took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"Fiyu... I want to keep traveling with you, and I'm glad I met you. But no, I don't think we should be lifemates."

"Why?" She sensed no anger in his posture, yet she still felt a growing pain of rejection that she struggled to contain. "Please explain."

"I was married once, back on Earth. That's our legal institution for 'lifemates', if it didn't translate well. But it didn't work out, and..." Unknown Theo paused and sat back, staring up through the tent, muscles in his shoulders tense as they usually were when he talked about his home world. "Her name was Mary. I didn't expect to have any relationships there, because I was so focused on getting back to the Nine Worlds, but she... got my attention. And we were happy together, for a few years, but... well, I think you can guess."

"I am not sure that I can. You believe you were at fault?"

"I actually told her about the Nine Worlds, indirectly. I don't think she fully believed me, but it says something about the kind of person she was that she didn't mock me. But in the end... I was more obsessed than I thought, or maybe it's that the obsession took over too much of my life. So the relationship became increasingly bitter and we separated."

Frowning as she tried to accept that concept, Fiyu pressed on. "But if you cared for one another, how could you harm one another?"

"Funny question, actually. I've thought about that myself." He was silent for a long time, muscles in his jaw working. "I think that we just gradually fell into unhealthy patterns. Small annoyances became arguments. We started digging into positions instead of reconciling. Eventually we decided we'd be happier apart, and... well, I think she was. We talked a few times after and it was honestly easier to get along when we didn't live together."

The ideas that Unknown Theo expressed were deeply troubling, and Fiyu did not want to place Ichili expectations on what was clearly a strange society. Yet he seemed so reasonable... she held all her emotions stable and asked one more time. "And this is the reason for your refusal."

"I'm old, Fiyu, much older than you. I thought I'd know who I was when I returned to the Nine and started a new life, but it's really the same life." Friend Theo extended a hand in her direction, a peaceful greeting gesture. "So I want to remain friends, Fiyu, and I'd be honored if one day you called me relative. But anything else would be unfair to you, because I'm not sure anyone deserves to be stuck with me."

Though she felt a moment of sorrow as a potential future slipped away, Fiyu found that she was smiling. She had been terrified that Friend Theo would respond in a confusing way, but he had been as gentle and understanding as always. Even if his world seemed strange to her, he had explained his reasoning. Some Ichili who lost a lifemate never found another, and she could understand this as similar. Above all, she was pleased that he cared about her enough to display so much consideration.

"You are unfair to yourself, Theo." She reached out and touched his hand, solely as a companion. "I am also very glad that I met you and hope that we can travel together for a long time to come."

When Friend Theo smiled, it moved more authentic muscles in his face, but she also observed a weariness sagging in him. "Then I'm glad we're agreed on that, but this sort of thing is exhausting to me. I'm going to try to sleep."

"That is fine, Theo. Rest well."

As she watched him settle in, Fiyu sat on her side of the tent, still overflowing with emotions. She could not imagine a kinder way for Friend Theo to decline her question, far from all her fears of incomprehensible emotional reasoning. This way, she could prune that potential future from her mind and focus on deepening the relationship they had.

It also immediately simplified the emotions within her... Fiyu crawled from the tent to sit beside Unknown Nauda.

"You just went and asked him, huh?" Unknown Nauda glanced at her, muscles oddly tense.

"Is that not appropriate on Tatian?" Fiyu asked. She found her gaze retreating from Unknown Nauda as all her conflicting feelings began surging in one direction. "I am... uncertain if you have lifemates there. So many things about your world are confusing, like... like sexmerchants and other strange things."

"Of course we have committed relationships. They don't sound quite as serious as the ones on Ichil, but most people want to find one person to love and stick with them."

"Oh. This is good."

"Are relationships on Ichil really that permanent?" As Unknown Nauda smiled, her muscles held both a wry weariness and a slight sadness. "You don't have people who decide they don't belong together, or just end up going in separate directions?"

"I have heard stories of such things, but have no experiences with them. Ordinarily, companions who wish to become lifemates spend several years traveling together before a final decision is made, to make sure that there are no mistakes. How are such things done on Tatian?"

"I'm... not sure you want to know."

"No, please tell me." Fiyu shifted closer to Unknown Nauda, closer than would be customary between companions. "I care for you very much, Nauda. Even though our worlds are so different, I am glad that I fell into Tatian so that I could meet you. Despite those differences... do you think that it would be possible for us to become lifemates?"

"You're really going to ask just after I listened to your first choice reject you?" Unknown Nauda's face contorted into controlled anger and Fiyu realized that she had made a terrible mistake. Even if she didn't fully understand, her insides twisted into a knot and all of the positive emotions became a horrible flood of confusion and distress.

"Nauda... please do not misunderstand me. I have never asked these questions before. I do not know how. I care for both of you deeply, so I was very confused. I only wanted to be sure I did not make a mistake and-"

"I think it's clear enough." Unknown Nauda rubbed her forehead, her entire body tense, and the negative emotions within her pierced Fiyu's heart. "I care about you too, Fiyu, but don't do this to me. Maybe I don't understand the Ichili way of thinking after all."

"Then... then you decline?"

"It obviously wouldn't work."

This refusal made Fiyu's entire heart ache, but more than that, it made her fear for her companion. "But... we are still friends?"

"We're still friends, Fiyu, but please just leave me alone for now."

Fiyu sat helplessly, drowning in the mix of her own terrible emotions and Friend Nauda's troubling response. This was the sort of confusing reaction that had so terrified her that she almost didn't speak. She believed that Friend Nauda was offended to be asked second, and though it had not occurred to her before, now it seemed obvious that something like that would offend a Tatian.

Causing Friend Nauda pain hurt Fiyu as well, especially because it had been so needless. Perhaps that was her answer. Even with the best of intentions, she could end up causing the woman she wanted as a lifemate great pain. If so, then perhaps she was unsuited for such a relationship, as she might only cause it to crumble as Friend Theo had described.

Just when Fiyu thought she could not be more miserable and humiliated, a voice spoke up from the other side of the island. "No, no, please continue." Warden Tythes sat up in his hammock, sweeping them all with a caustic glare. "We're in the middle of a dying world, floating on a death river, surrounded on all sides by enemies, with time running out along multiple axes. This is definitely the time for a lot of relationship drama."

A soft cry escaped Fiyu's lips and she retreated to the tent. Though Friend Theo looked toward her, offering support, she turned away from him and burrowed into her bed roll. At the moment, she needed no one else, or perhaps could tolerate no one else.

If her new emotions had only caused so much distress, she would cease to feel them. Fiyu stilled her mind and then shoved that part of herself deep within until she could sleep.