Chapter 58

Translator: Kay

He asked again, looking back at the colorful potions in the display case, “That’s the result of a day’s work? You’ve never learned it before?”

“Uh, that’s right. I’ve never been to an academy before, so I wouldn’t have been able to learn how to make potions.”

“Ah, I shouldn’t have said that…….”

Felix made an apologetic face at his thoughtless words. He seemed to mistakenly think that his careless words had accidentally touched my wounds.

Not at all.

In fact, I had a chance to attend an academy last year, even though I was old enough to have already graduated.

Hugo suggested it to me directly and mentioned that he would support me. In fact, back then, I thought a daughter-obsessed fool was trying to keep me away from Claudia somehow.

But then or now, I never had any intentions of going.

Honestly, I hated it. I passed the CSAT1 after twelve years of elementary, middle, and high school, and I even graduated from college after four years, so why would I want to study hard again? The thought made me want to puke.

Of course, it would be great if I was allowed to study only the fields that I was interested in, but I could not do that in an institution.

I’d be forced to learn unnecessary liberal arts, live a typical dorm life, and above all, compete with others to achieve grades.

At that moment, the image of me sleeping three or four hours a day and shedding tears of blood while studying to get admission on a full scholarship instantly flashed past.

“Oh, sh*t…….”

I murmured faintly as I recalled those days. My stomach churned just from imagining it.

“You know, for every choice I make, I always try my best. Hence, I have absolutely no regrets. And when I say I have no regrets, it means that I won’t look back. So you don’t have to make that expression.”

Felix seemed to have a great misconception that I was a sacrificial older sister who put her dreams behind to support her younger sister.

No, I guess he had no choice but to think so since he didn’t know that I was from another world.

I didn’t want to ruin his fantasy by saying I didn’t want to study, so I glossed over it as much as I could.

“Of course. I already know that.”

Felix responded to my words in a soft voice. If he hadn’t been entangled in an ill-fated relationship with Leraze, he would be affectionately patting my head by now.

“Irene is always on the right path.”

It was a talent to say what others wanted to hear, and sometimes I thought that Felix and I were a little alike in that respect.

“In fact, I know it’s not very good to praise talent2, but……”

Felix cast his eyes down for a moment, perhaps thinking about Claudia, and then said shortly afterward, “You have talent.”

“No, you don’t have to say that…….”

“I’m not saying nonsense. All I can say is, it’s a talent to be able to create something like this from self-study without having learned professionally.”

No, I didn’t expect Felix, the master of magic, to say such things. I started to get excited as I wondered if I might be a potion master.

My mood already reached beyond the sky. I felt like I was waiting for a breaching whale and coughed in vain to try to quell the anticipation that arose.

“W-well then, shall I make some more……”

“If you want, I can spare you some time once in a while.”

“What? No, Felix is busy, too.”

I glanced quickly at where we were now.

Felix seemed terribly reluctant to be alone in an enclosed space, so we deliberately met in a spacious hall as vast as a playground.

On the floor of the hall, there were mountains of books and parchments presumably scattered by Felix during his magic research.

I imagined that he would work on it neatly, but maybe it was because there was too much to research? Surprisingly, he was making a mess. Anyway, let’s put that aside.

He looked more tired than when I was a senior in high school. He looked worse than when I was writing my graduation thesis while I was looking for a job. He was reaching the peak of decadence.

“If you do that, you’ll die from overwork.”

Felix responded firmly, “I’m busily trying to find ways to help somehow. Please don’t take my pleasure away from me.”

Then he smiled shyly and added, “Thank you for your concern.”

If words had a taste, everything he said would be as sweet as sugar. I had no clue how on earth he managed to choose and say such pretty words.

Before I knew it, I nodded like an ant3 bewitched by sugar.

‘He’s no different from the old Felix.’

Whenever I approached him, he would react sensitively, so I inevitably had to stay away, but wouldn’t it get better after he got used to it?

If we steadily continued to get closer like this, one day he might stroke my hair again, and I could give him a lap pillow – just like before.

It looked like the power of the devil was also being purified by Felix’s integrity. It’d ascend to heaven soon, so I must have worried for no reason.

I hummed to myself as I walked out of the cottage. Unlike before, I could now see a vague hope.

* * *

–You said you wanted to be alone last time.

Felix completely ignored the devil’s words.

Leraze felt like he was going to die from a heart attack. As he watched them for the past few days, he realized that it was a total disaster. They were polar opposites.

One side was filled with determination to conceal his heart, let alone his desire, and the other side didn’t notice at all and was clueless. Neither seemed to have any experience at all.

–I’d rather you were asexual with no libido so that I could have given up early on, huh?

Felix took off his glasses which had been in the way since earlier and flipped through the parchment. Now that Irene, who came to visit him daily, had left, it was time to get back to work again.

–How the hell can the outside and the inside be so different? This damn thing is worse than the devil.

Felix just researched magic every day.

It was a monotonous daily routine, no different from being alive or dead.

If he tried and failed, he would approach it in a different direction, and if he failed again, he would approach it in another direction. It was simple.

Being with someone who casually interrupted and enlivened his daily life every day did not change anything at all.

Nothing had changed.

Nothing should have changed.

As the days passed, the devil’s words of becoming more assimilated into his body the longer he was confined lingered in his mind.

The words were not wrong.

His patience was growing thinner and thinner and, sometimes ridiculous impulses crept over him.

‘Only you and she are in this cottage. She said that whatever you do, she’ll readily accept you.’

‘To say that you’ll hug me to hell – you shouldn’t have said anything you couldn’t take responsibility for.’

‘From head to toe, I’ll engrave the sin of carelessly teasing me with your words.’

‘I’m sure she’ll willingly embrace my sins into her arms and fall to the fiery pit of hell.’

It was impossible to tell whether these were the devil’s thoughts4 or his own as everything was jumbled up.

A person as pure as an angel wouldn’t have such thoughts.

Benjamin referred to him as a hypocrite who deceived his desires. In fact, he wasn’t wrong.

He was no different from those (rice) kernels5. Sometimes he would be startled by the dispassionate, cruel, and terrifying thoughts he had.

An angel?

He was just good at concealing it and enduring the limit because he had a reason.

But now, even that was being challenged.

He had to tell her not to come to visit and meet him again, even if the desire to be alone was ridiculous.

“But Felix, I think you’re getting thinner day by day. Are you eating properly?”

Now that Irene had left and he was alone, Felix finally took a deep breath.

He felt a burning sensation in his throat.

* * *

The summer sky was capricious.

At dawn, when the rain had stopped falling, Felix suddenly opened his eyes.

Perhaps it was due to the strange unpleasantness of the damp air on his skin. Or maybe because he could no longer use cooling magic.

He accidentally ripped off the sweaty shirt that stuck to his skin and frowned. His head burned with the strange heat that he had felt earlier.

“I’ve treated you, so you’ll recover soon, but you might suffer a high fever for a few days.”

Felix slowly lifted his eyelids as he recalled the doctor’s words.

It seemed that he was now suffering from a high fever because he had strained himself for the past few days and had reached his limit.

‘I must have unknowingly relaxed my mind.’

Letting a fever in was identical to allowing a devil to enter due to weakened willpower.

His eyes were out of focus. Through his cloudy, blurry vision, he caught a glimpse of a silhouette.

Although he didn’t feel any movement, his opponent was sitting on top of him as he laid in bed.

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T/N: Another late upload (sorry >_

1. The “College Scholastic Ability Test (CSAT)” is a standardized test accepted by universities and colleges in South Korea.↩

2. In case someone wanted an explanation, studies have shown that it’s better to praise effort, not talent/ability/intelligence. A fun article for anyone interested to read: https://medium.com/swlh/heres-why-you-shouldn-t-praise-people-on-their-abilities-2c58210cfef7 and https://www.themuse.com/advice/4-reasons-to-praise-employees-effort-not-talent ↩

3. Ants are known to be attracted to anything high in sugar like jelly, syrup, honey, candy, and juice.↩

4. The thoughts above jump from “she” and “you” when referring to Irene, and “I” and “you” for Felix since the author’s showing how his thoughts (and the devil’s) are being jumbled up. ↩

5. This relates to Benjamin’s extended metaphor likening people to rice husks/kernels. Ch36: “In the rice field there lies the eyes of a hypocrite who deceives desires. If you peel off the smooth shell and dig down to the bottom, the essence will be the same monster as me.” ↩

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