Chapter 30: I lost myself

I was inside the Lost and Found section after I drowned myself in the shopping mall fountain. I heard a soothing music playing in my head after losing a good amount of oxygen, yet I still had a bit of desire to live.

Mom never came back after a while. I was bored; I had lost my aim since she was gone.

Others gave me a concerned expression but none of them approached me.

I'd say thanks to them; they're really considerate.

Going back to the Lost and Found, I asked the receptionist girl:

"I lost myself—where can I find it?"

She just made an awkward smile.

"I'm sorry, we did not keep it in the first place."

"Do you have any idea where it could be?"

"I'm not sure what you meant...sir. If you find yourself lost in here, why don't you ask the security for directions or just look at the map? It's right over there."

The lady pointed to the stand with a large, illuminated map display; it was always near the escalator and the elevators; another one located in the reception area.

"That's not what I was looking for."

"If I am correct, I can see you here just fine, sir. You're already here—see?"

"You're wrong. I don't feel like I am here. I should really be somewhere else."

"Like your home, perhaps? Do you forget your home address? Umm...forgive me if I seem impolite but, you seem to be an adult so..."

"Sorry for taking your time."

No clue over here too, huh.

Just when I was about to turn away and search someplace else, she stopped me with a loud voice.

"Sir, it's me who should apologize! Forgive me for saying such unnecessary things. I'm just curious."

I heaved a sigh: I guess there are some inconsiderate people out there who just couldn't leave me be.

Well, it's partly my fault for asking her in the first place.

"I don't mind at all. Besides, you work to pay the bills, not to waste your time with someone like me."

"That's not true. If I just want money, there were many better jobs. I like it since I'd have a chance to make someone happy by giving them what they lost."

"How did you know if it was mine in the first place? How did you find it?"

The receptionist girl just tilted her head a bit and made a V-sign with a forced smile.

"Trade secrets!"

"Well, I only care about getting what's mine back. Just my curiosity."

The girl lightly tapped her chin while averting my straight-on gaze.

"I'm not sure if I know if I had what you sought or not, I mean, it's the first time I had been asked for such a strange thing."

"I don't have anyone else to ask."

"Not even friends or family?"

Wow, she's starting to get annoying.

"Do I have any impression of having them?"

"Of course! Nobody in this world deserves to feel lonely."

"I guess I'm just a nobody then."

"Hey, I totally didn't mean that sir!"

"I know, I'm just joking."

"Mou, that totally didn't sound like one! Considering from the very start, you never smiled once—not even now."

Thank goodness I dropped the ball in time. Otherwise, I'd have to endure torrents of unnecessary questions from her.

"I just don't feel like doing that. I'd rather smile when I want to. Forcing them felt painful to me."

There was no sarcasm, although I nonchalantly pointed hers out without actually realizing it beforehand.

"Ehehe...and here I thought you had it even worse than me."

Not again.

"That aside, you have any clues about where to find me?"

"You're not going to ask about my conditions or so? Everyone else does that."

"Don't lump me in with others. Besides, if you still stayed the same even after their support, I don't think it'd made any difference."

"That's right..."

The girl's cheery expression went all slump, but I felt she was easier to talk to like this.

"Well, it's your life. I have no right to barge upon your matters. Even if you told me, I had my hands full on my own troubles."

"I guess—had I been selfish all this time? Thinking that this world was kind, that everyone was there to support me while I'm in need."

She pouted adorably, but I wasn't charmed at all, really.

"It's not wrong in your case. You are cute and kind, so when you ask for help, a lot of people would gladly aid you. As for whether your problems would be solved, it's a different matter."

If I acted the same way, all I got was me getting beat up.

"I think you're different than them, I got the feeling, you could solve my problems."

No, just no.

"Just solve it yourself, it's too much pain for me. I mean, why did I have to trouble myself for you? Why must it be me?"

"Don't you want to find your lost self? I think, if you help me, you could be closer to find it."

"On a second thought, I won't bother about it anymore. I just wanna go home and rest."

...and that was the moment, where my lost self was back. I went home just like that.

As for the girl, I just wish she'd solve what problems she had.

This wasn't romance by the way.

Me and her just went our separate ways and that's all.

It's not like she followed me to my house and said she's my friend, but my parents mistook her for my girlfriend—or a candidate at least.

Believe me, okay?