Adel and I continued through traversing through the forest in silence for a few more hours while I climbed down into the chest to check up on Kai who was still asleep during our short breaks. I felt sickened that he had tried to end his life, and disgusted at how The Divine was using him in order to be free again.

But the fact that The Divine was trying to keep him alive indicated that It wouldn’t be restored if Kai died. This solidified my confidence in what we were trying to accomplish.

This is why The Divine opened a path for us in that magical snowstorm, and why it keeps him safe from everyone… even from himself.

All of this mattered little, as we were now in the final stretch of our quest to liberate Kai and restore The Divine. The final stretch, however, proved to be taking much longer than we’d initially thought. We had been in the forest for almost thirty hours, taking wrong turns and writing them down, walking the same path over and over again.

The information that two priests were pursuing us—presumably to kill Kai—complicated things even more. On the one hand, I felt more confident knowing that The Divine would do anything to keep him safe. On the other hand, I had seen mere mortals overtake us with devices that were able to keep magic at bay. No doubt the highly-skilled priests of the Order would have similar, if not worse, tricks up their sleeves.

Then again, this time I had Adel on my side. He had single-handedly de-escalated the situation between Kai and the rest of his group. There was something powerful in the way he spoke now. Something in the way he moved and looked inspired confidence.

His oath to help me with our quest was something I didn’t expect but was happy to have all the same. He was the one person I missed most from my past life, and having him on our side meant the world to me.

But it was clear that his rage was still boiling within him and I didn’t want him to live a life of hatred. It was plain to see by the way he held on to those dual swords of his.

I knew exactly the thing I needed to do in order to show him there was another way to live. That, however, would need to wait.

“I think we should consider that maybe this forest isn’t supposed to be crossed in one go,” I said, as we took yet another wrong turn after some fifteen intersections.

“I was about to propose the exact same thing,” Adel admitted. “I think we should rest.”

“Should we move back to the same place we tried to rest last time?” I asked.

“Yes, let’s hide the chest on the wrong path at the second intersection,” he agreed, “where magic works but no pursuers should stumble upon us.”

I nodded and after a brief run, we arrived at the point where we agreed to take our rest. We moved some distance away from the path, just to be extra safe, and Adel put the chest on the ground while I set up some illusionary magic and protection orbs around it.

“I don’t think you should come downstairs just yet,” I told him, after all of the preparations were complete.

“I wasn’t planning to,” he replied, as he lay down on the soft grass. “Someone needs to keep an eye out here as well.”

“I hope you’re not a snorer,” I said, trying to joke my way out of an awkward goodnight.

“I don’t know really. The only time I’ve ever slept with someone else in the same room was with Kard,” he said, “after we sent off the bodies of the dead in Nara.”

Oh, that was the worst possible thing I could have joked about. Good job, Myriam.

“Don’t worry about it,” he continued, and I could only assume he had seen me change color when he mentioned the funeral. “It feels like ages ago, and I’ve come to terms with it.”

“I saw it, you know,” I said, as I opened the chest.

“What did you see?” he asked, puzzled.

“I saw the procession of flaming bodies in the river,” I said, remembering the night I’d almost died in the ice-cold river. “I’m sorry I left you to do it alone.”

“Myriam, we’ve talked about this,” he said, tilting his head and offering a warm smile. “You have nothing to apologize for. You did what you thought was best at the time and besides, I was not alone. I had my people. The people of the tower.”

“Still,” I said, as I started to walk down the stairs of the chest. “I wish I could have stayed.”

***

I fell asleep almost immediately, even though the rest of it was a mostly restless night. When I woke up some five hours later, I still felt almost as tired as when I climbed down the stairs. I went to see Kai and he opened his eyes as he heard me approach.

“Hello,” I said softly and I sat on the side of his bed, gently touching his golden forehead and cheek. “How are you feeling?”

He didn’t give me a reply but I was not entirely expecting one either. I knew it would take a lot to drag him out of the dark place he was in at this moment. His eyes were on me but I could tell his sight was not focused on me. It was as if he was seeing through me, staring at the wall behind me.

“Look, Kai,” I said, trying to make my voice sound as warm as possible. “I’m sorry I lied to you. It was stupid of me. I thought I was protecting you, but I shouldn’t have done it.”

He didn’t move a muscle. I didn’t even notice the slightest change in his expression. He was lost in his own mind but I had to bring him back. It was my fault he was broken and it was now my duty to fix him.

“You are much stronger than you know, Kai,” I said, as I moved my face inches away from his, clutching his head with my fingers. “You’ve been able to walk around with this monster inside of you, keeping it at bay.”

I knew this would get him to react and I was ready for his answer.

“I don’t keep it at bay, Myriam,” he protested. “I killed all those people on the ship. I had tentacles come out of me and attack our old friends. I killed everyone in Nara.”

“Did you, Kai?” I asked him, squinting my eyes and prompting him to really ask himself. “Do you remember choosing to kill them? Did you want to hurt them?”

He didn’t reply and seemed to consider the question. This was all I needed to pull him back. A glimmer of light in his darkness.

“Did you?” I shouted at him, intending to startle him a bit. “Do you even remember doing those things?”

“No,” he whispered, and I immediately continued my pull, not leaving any time for his excuses.

“That’s right,” I said. “You didn’t. You have a god in you Kai, and I really wonder how you have kept It at bay for this long.”

“It’s hard, Myriam,” he said, his eyes wide open as if pleading with me to understand. “It wants to take over. Every minute and every second.”

“I know. I know,” I comforted him, and hugged him tightly, his head right below my chin. “You’re doing so well.”

“Adel doesn’t think so,” he said, and pushed me back but once more I cut him off before he managed to continue.

“Adel didn’t know any better,” I said. “He had no idea what we’d been through and what we’re trying to do.”

“You mean he is willing to forgive me now?” he asked, and I felt relieved that I had brought his mind where I wanted it to go.

I wasn’t going to offer him forgiveness on behalf of Adel. I wasn’t in the position to speak on his behalf, nor did I want this to end here. I wanted him to come upstairs with me and make sure what I said was true.

“Why don’t you come upstairs and find out for yourself?” I asked, and pulled his hand to get him out of bed.

He needed no more convincing. He didn’t exactly jump out of his bed, but at least he put some energy into standing up and I gave him some privacy so he could put on a new set of robes since I’d thrown away the ones he was wearing yesterday, which were full of holes.

I knew we needed to talk about his second attempt at committing suicide but the time for it was not now. I wanted him to climb out of his hole, not push him further into it.

Once he was ready, we both went up the stairs and exited the chest to find Adel eating a strangely shaped green fruit.

“Good morning,” he said merrily as he saw me, but his tone changed when he saw Kai following me. “Hello, Kai.”

Kai didn’t say anything but he nodded at him. Adel left his fruit on a large rock to his side and came toward us.

“Kai, there is no simple way to tell you this,” he started saying, as soon as he was in front of him. “I’m sorry for the things I said. I didn’t know what had happened and I jumped to conclusions. Myriam told me everything, and I feel so bad about it.”

“Forgive me, Adel,” Kai burst out in a trembling voice. “Forgive me for all the evil things I—”

“There’s nothing to forgive,” Adel interrupted him. “It’s not your fault and therefore not your place to ask for forgiveness. If The Divine reveals Itself, It should be the one to beg for my forgiveness.”

Kai’s facial expression was blank, something that I noticed happening more often lately. He masked his emotions too well and the only sign I saw that he felt relieved was the release of tension from his shoulders.

“Remember our last duel, Kai?” Adel asked, and when Kai nodded, he continued. “I told you that you shouldn’t give up, no matter the odds. I’m happy to see you didn’t quit. I’m happy to see that you reached here, almost at the end of your journey, and I’m happy that I’ll be with you when you finish it. I’ll do everything in my power to make it all go as Myriam planned.”

I smiled at how their conversation ended. Things were not the same as they were before the liturgy, but how could they ever be the same? Things were at least somehow better than I’d hoped.