Chapter 145

A Spy’s Monologue (2)

I became lost in thought as a hazy memory filled my mind .

At the end of a narrow alley was a ghetto surrounded by old, crumbling houses built from stone .

Run-down huts lined side by side against the stone walls . The recently tread down dirt road was always muddy from the endless sewage continuously thrown out from the second floor windows .

At the end of the path were animal carcasses, bones, and garbage, all thrown away to the flies all year round . The air here was stagnant from poor ventilation, carrying with it the absolutely foul stench of something reminiscent of vomit .

All residents, regardless of age or sex, were nothing but bones . They walked with dark, murky eyes and a hunched back as if they had no life left in them . The more I spent every day living here, the more I felt it sucking away at my own spirit… It was that kind of place .

The Skeltz Kingdom—a country ruled by a war-crazed lunatic .

I was born in the lowest of slums at the edge of the capital .

This country, always skirmishing with her neighbours, never saw any state of wealth . Only the few born into the royal family and the handful that served in the army lived a blessed life . Most of the common folk had lost their homes, property, and young to the wars and were forced to live in poverty .

And yet, I was still below that . I crawled at the very bottom .

My limbs resembled sticks, and my black hair turned dull . My skin was also caked in filth until it was black .

When I was little, I probably looked a lot like sewer rats .

No… I didn’t know what to eat, so I had the same diet as a rat . I ate rotten garbage, tree roots, and even insects . I was a rat standing on two legs, barely able to comprehend human words .

Skeltz was full of orphans, so what I had wasn’t that unique of a story .

However, in my case, I wasn’t really one of those many orphans . That’s because, while I have no father, my mother was still alive .

That may be great news to some, but reality is often disappointing . Living with my severely bedridden mother who hated me was downright hell on earth .

Formerly a prostitute, she bore the child of a wealthy customer . With me inside her belly, she was supposed to sit by his side as his mistress .

But soon, she was found to be ill and was discarded on the spot .

With no one to rely on, along with the fact that she couldn’t go back to the whorehouse, my mother raised her little child on the streets all on her own .

At first, my mother was able to stand at the street corner and take in a lot of customers, but over time, her symptoms got worse and she became unable to move soon after .

Apparently she was quite the beauty, but all I could remember of her was at the end of her life when her nose had rotted flat, wrapped hidden underneath the bandages . Despite being as thin as a skeleton, I could clearly remember her harsh glare peeking through that messy black hair . As she screamed from the pain of the disease that was eating her alive, she continued to curse me .

‘I wish I hadn’t given birth to you . ’ I stopped counting when those words repeated for the hundredth time .

Still, being a kid, I desired love, and attentively listened to everything she said .

My mother taught me how to speak and how to perform simple calculations, so I told myself I wasn’t entirely without affection . It was like a brat comforting himself .

Thinking about it now, she was just selfishly using me to handle the customers instead of herself .

After all, you would be easily deceived when receiving payments if you can’t speak or do simple math . But, of course, I hadn’t realised at the time . On the days she gave me love, I clung to that fleeting illusion and followed my mother obediently .

In the end, she died never saying a kind word to me .

All alone, I had lost the will to live before being picked up by an old woman when I was at death’s door . The old woman, who had only lost her husband recently, gave me food and a bed .

A warm home and a warm bowl of soup . Feeling kindness for the first time ever since I was born, I couldn’t stop the tears rolling down my face . The old woman patted my head, but the tears continued .

Though I had felt the compassionate touch from another human being for the first time, the world wasn’t so sweet .

I was sold out while I was fast asleep, and I realised that soon after the fact .

What do you mean, ‘I could never abandon someone I think of as a grandson’? Imagine playing with the feelings of a dying kid, this old hag . Go fuck yourself .

My buyer was a mercenary group full of bandits .

They gathered orphans like me and taught them how to kill people . It was a country always embroiled in war, so the demands for troops could never be satiated .

Was I lucky or unlucky? Apparently, I had a knack for killing people .

Because I was one of the most skilled people in the group, I was eventually scouted out to be one of the assassins under direct control of the king .

“Newbie, what’s your name?”

That was what I heard the leader say to me .

With a slender, feminine face and a soft-looking body, he looked ridiculously like a woman . He sent me a gentle smile . However, my eyes were cold, and I wasn’t in a laughing mood .

“Call me what you like . ”

The man furrowed his brows as if he was in a bind at my bluntness .

“Don’t you wanna tell us?”

“Not really . I just don’t have a name . ”

‘A name is for the extravagant, which doesn’t apply to me . ’

‘I don’t recall my mother giving me one either, and we got by just fine . ’ Upon hearing my explanation, the man quickly surveyed me . ‘Hm…’ the man muttered, clearly thinking hard .

“That’s right… Then how about ‘Crowe’?”

‘You have beautiful black hair, after all . ’

For that reason alone, Crowe became my name .

“Whatever’s fine . ”

“Then I’m looking forward to working with you, Crowe . ”

A name without any particular meaning was more convenient when working as a team . It shouldn’t be that much different from ‘Hey, you!’ or ‘That dark-haired fellow!’ anymore than it already was .

But for some reason, my chest was buzzing .

I didn’t know the reason then, but I do now . That was because for the first time in my life, I had something that was given only to me .

That being said, I never got familiar with the leader guy . And he didn’t pry more than necessary .

Betraying his considerate outward appearance, he only taught me the bare minimum . Not to mention he was crude and hopelessly lazy .

But surprisingly, he had ability worthy of contending for first or second place in the unit .

He travelled around the world so much that we hardly saw his face in the first week . Domestic intelligence gathering… A far cry from the honeytrap jobs I get dumped with .

“I’m more envious of the fact that you get to play with beautiful girls everyday, honestly . ”

Whenever we meet, he would say something that gets on my nerves .

The corner of my mouth cramped up .

“…If that’s the case, let’s trade places . You have a more beautiful face anyway, so you’ll fit right in . ”

“Nah… It’s practically impossible to copy that unique Crowe sex appeal thing you’ve got going on, y’know?”

Thanks to inheriting my mother’s facial features, I was quite popular with older women myself, but I wasn’t the least bit happy about it .

At the time, I still couldn’t give up the love and affection I felt for relatives . It was very difficult for a coming-of-age kid to get together with women as old as his own mother .

Whether it was a fine lady or a noble daughter, I soon realised they were mere women when laid on the bed, and the concept of women in my head was beginning to wane away .

“Women aren’t anything worth talking about . ”

Recalling this and that in the bedroom, I muttered something to shake off the nausea, but a serious look instead appeared on the man’s face .

“You’re a bit off there, Crowe . ”

I was taken aback by what I thought at first were gallantries .

Surely you’re not going to say something revolting like, ‘Women can’t do anything wrong,’ with a gentlemanly smile, right? This guy’s only pretty on the surface, after all .

The man continued to look at me with a serious gaze .

“It’s not just women . Human beings as a whole are just as worthless . ”

I thought he was joking at first .

But his straight face and emotionless eyes told me that he meant what he said from the bottom of his heart . Perhaps he had seen a hell far worse than my own .

“…And Crowe’s work is better than mine, isn’t it?”

Said the man who went back to his usual playful smile .

It wouldn’t be a year later that I finally understood what he meant .

“Today’s watch duty . It’s an easy one this time . ”

The man, with his back against the iron door, laughed with a wide grin . But I couldn’t laugh with him . I didn’t have the energy .

Although our unit may be called an ‘elite’ group, real assassination missions were actually few and far between .

Apparently, the king wasn’t a fan of assassinations and preferred flashier methods . What foolishness . If that really was the case, then I’d like it if he didn’t form this unit in the first place . To be honest, I thought the establishment of our group was little more than a case of being able to see your power on display . It was probably a hobby of some sort .

Then if you’d asked me whether we had lots of free time, the answer would be a resounding no .

There were quite a number of jobs that couldn’t be executed publicly .

The abductions and torture of people that had offended the king, for example .

Even if we wanted to dispatch off the target quickly, we couldn’t, as we had to set examples out of them . Hence why we tortured them till they die .

The work assigned to me at the time was part of that routine .

Beyond the door laid a terrifying sight that would make anyone want to cover their eyes .

The man glared at me, face crumpled in pain .

“…Crowe’s not too fit for this job, huh?”

“…”

I looked down in silence .

I’d never thought about whether I was suitable or not before . No, I never had a choice even before that . I did everything to survive . Maybe, from now on too, I will continue to do anything just to live on .

I could vaguely catch a glimpse of my hands dyed in red from the corner of my eyes .

The piles of human bodies perished by my hands already surpassed two digits . Why now? Why now, of all times, do I hesitate?

Is it in any way permissible for someone to kill others just as a pastime? I wondered .

Perhaps I thought if I went any further, I would no longer be able to turn back .

“You better look for something else you want to do . ”

“…Hah?”

I couldn’t react .

The man’s eyes crinkled when he saw me stunned .

“I think if I save up enough money, I’ll open a shop . Maybe a restaurant would be good . ”

The man kept on speaking without paying me any mind . His eyes stared far into the distance as he spoke with a lump in his throat .

Being hired by the Skeltz kingdom, I didn’t think he’d be granted freedom that easily .

Will we die or be abandoned on the day we are set free? Those were the only choices given . There was no other path that we could have taken for ourselves .

I knew otherwise that it was out of my reach, so I had pushed it aside as a mere dream . I looked up at the moon amidst the night sky .

“…I’d never want to eat at a restaurant of a former assassin . ”

“Even if you can eat dishes that can’t be found anywhere else?”

“Absolutely don’t wanna go near it . ”

“A warm country might be good . Flamme… is way too hot . But Nebel is…”

The man laughed in the middle of our stupid conversation . Instead of his usual snake-like smile, he seemed to be genuinely happy, but there was a tinge of sorrow mixed within .

“Yeah, Nebel sounds like a nice place to be . How happy would it be to live in such a beautiful country . ”

After telling him to ‘dream on,’ I averted my eyes from him .

For us, living in Nebel was something impossible . We were fated to spend our whole lives serving this rotten country until we perish .

One day, I will set foot to the other side of this door, slice up a human-shaped object, kill it, and end up feeling nothing .

However, a turning point abruptly came .

The situation changed dramatically when the king poked his nose where it didn’t belong and failed to kidnap some Nebel mages .

The kingdom of Nebel and Wind declared war on the Skeltz kingdom . Then three more countries adjacent to Skeltz issued a statement showing their support towards the allied forces of Nebel and Wind .

Even the king, who was known as a war-crazed lunatic, wasn’t optimistic enough to enjoy the situation .

For the first time ever since I was assigned here, actual assassination work had fallen into my lap .

However, it was an impossible task . I’d like to ask the king whether this was a death sentence . It was such a big job that if it weren’t for that guy going on another overseas trip for his intelligence work, it would never have been my role .

I was tasked to assassinate Randolf von Wervard, the King of Nebel .