《Divine Blood》(ch.189) 3-44: Acceptance

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Arius had just asked for forgiveness, and more immediately questioned her belief in their soulmate connection.

She looked sidelong out of the corners of her eyes.

“It makes absolutely no sense for me to have come this far for you if we weren’t soulmates!”

That much, Val saw as proof that validated his claim. “Yes, I definitely see that.” Really and truly, Arius cared about her but perhaps a tad bit too much.

“Then, can I ask that you give me a second chance? If I mess up again, then yes, I’ll let you have your personal space.”

She was not quite sure if she wanted to negotiate like this with Arius pleading and pushing.

“I’m literally your soulmate, the one man who you will truly love. Even if that’s not the case now, can’t you show me a little compassion when I need help?” That last word sent him plummeting down a new ramble.

“Val, I know how I’m probably not what you expected. I’m a literal god—the one and only god of war, seated second on the Pantheon, right hand to the God Supreme, the favorite son of Suvier. Did I remember all of my titles? And I’m actually a wreck.”

Arius continued, “You literally witnessed that messy break-up that just happened, plus you kindly informed me that an undetermined amount of my memories have been compromised. I dread when I will inevitably have to see my father again. It doesn’t matter if Evalaite only played a trick on me; it’s still a cruel thing that she did! I—I….” He ended up trailing off in favor of dropping his face into both hands.

“I feel pathetic begging you like this, but I’m really not doing well right now. My outburst the other day was a product of that. I’m not trying to make excuses for myself because I recognize that it’s unacceptable either way, but believe me when I say that I’m normally not like this! Can’t you just help me? Be the kind and supportive person that you’re supposed to be as my soulmate?”

She gazed on with narrowed eyes, not quite sympathetic. Val just felt sad watching Arius spiral like this. It was not like his poor mental state was something that she could fix, aside from slapping a bandage on a deep wound with Keep the Peace.

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Guilt ebbed away at her, nonetheless. Lightly, she touched her fingertips to his elbow. “Did I actually make things harder for you when I told you the truth about Evalaite?”

Arius peered through his fingers before composing himself better altogether. After a moment of consideration, he said, “Honestly, yeah. I know you meant well, but fuck me if this isn’t getting to me.”

Frustrated, he threw out his hands. “I don’t know how to cope with this really, other than trying to get along like normal. It still drives me crazy. How much my memory has been fabricated and my identity altered, I have no idea. I don’t know who I can ask about myself from the past without sounding an alarm, except maybe you.”

Val pursed his lips as she recalled her offer to help sort through his manufactured memories. “I haven’t seen much of you in the past yet, but it does seem like you’re doing a lot worse than your usual self….”

His head hung in defeat, seeming ashamed that he appeared like this in front of Val. “Are you willing to help me? This isn’t a good time for either of us. Like Val,” he said, shooting to full attention, “I would prefer not having to deal with your training and youthful mistakes, but I do intend to support you through all of that! In exchange, can’t you be there for me when I need you?”

Those words struck her, the fact that a god could not just accept her but actually need her. As much as Val wanted to feel like an equal person of worth in her relationship to Arius, she was not so sure that this was what she wanted. As he had said, the present state of their lives was not an opportune time for either of them to start a relationship.

“We might be better off dealing with our own issues ourselves,” she tried saying again. At the same time, those words pained her to say.

Back when their relationship had been all wrong, Tavras had offered her a deal. When she became a goddess, he would then reconsider her in a romantic light.

In contrast, Arius had not hesitated to help her while also trying to engage with her in an amorous relationship. Val had really appreciated that—wanted to keep that, but she would obviously need to support him in return.

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“We’re soulmates,” Arius reiterated. “That means we are supposed to be stronger together than we are apart.”

She gazed into those steady eyes, Arius truly believing that they belonged together. “Okay,” she whispered and nodded timidly. More firmly, she nodded and repeated, “Yes, okay.”

“So… do you forgive me?”

In this bubble of Leviathan’s respiration, Val was a demigoddess who sat across from an insanely powerful god—the one who was asking her for forgiveness. Their power differential did not seem so much like a chasm anymore. If Arius could admit where he had gone wrong—wronged her—and ask for her help too, maybe they really could move forward from here.

Even so, Val hesitated to say the words that Arius longed to hear. “Well, um, I still have my concerns.” Not knowing how to suggest this gently, she just said it. “Do you think that you could get some help with anger management or something?”

He nodded fiercely. “Yeah, no problem.”

Her ears pricked at the response, having expected a more combative reply. Given his ego, Arius seemed like the type to resist therapy talks, but then again, perhaps he had already tempered himself in that respect. As a god of war, it might just be appropriate for him to suffer from PTSD or other psychological consequences of harsh reality. A century was plenty of time for him to have seen some things.

At any rate, Val already felt herself relaxing at his easy affirmation and joined him in nodding along. “I think that would make me feel better—more secure about this actually not happening again.”

“I want you to feel safe around me.” Entirely serious, Arius proclaimed that and let the words hang in the air.

“Yeah, that’s kind of important.” Val cast her gaze off to the side at the obscure waters. Slowly, she pulled her hand away so that she could wrap her arms around herself.

When Arius had snapped, she had been fraught with fear. A strong personality she could deal with; Val herself was headstrong and expressive in her emotions. Especially because of that, she could not handle tiptoeing around an explosive temper like he had shown.

Overall, though, she reminded herself that Arius seemed protective in nature. Before his outburst, he had helped sort out the official, legal documentation for her to exist as the daughter of Herrick. Most recently, he had dove into Leviathan’s Cradle to save her.

That last bit was no small feat, and it helped her feel warm inside despite the lack of physical heat.

These endless waters were as oppressive as they were cold and dreary. Already, Val wished to return to the real world. In contrast to her miserable surroundings, she thought of the tropical weather at Bibashie Reef—bright sun and warm air.

Arius had given that up to come here with her.

Even after her discomfort towards him had been dismissed, she kept her arms wrapped around herself in the exact same way to fend against the cold. Of course, she must look disheartened all the same from Arius’s perspective.

Each inhalation was starting to feel thin through her nostrils. Not enough air filled her lungs.

“I really am sorry, Val. I didn’t mean to taint the start of our relationship like this.” Almost immediately, the cadence of his voice lifted for an aside. “Also, I know that you’re uncomfortable right now, but we need to get a new bubble. Oxygen is running out here.” His arms opened up so that she could approach on her terms.

Knowing how cold the water of Leviathan’s Cradle would feel the second time around, Val wanted to be no other place than in Arius’s arms. She crawled forward to accept the hug, arms clinging around his neck.

Arius held her dearly, his tender arms cupping around her back. “Ready?”

She bobbed her head against his broad shoulder in a nod. Audibly, she took a last deep breath for the closest thing to a verbal reply.

The gigantic bubble burst and reformed into many small pockets of air in their wake.

Icy waters flooded over her and sent a shock to her system at once. Involuntarily, Val’s body lurched and shuddered while they descended back towards Leviathan. Her eyes stayed closed as she let herself relax in Arius’s arms, though the shaking of her frame would not cease.

When the newest bubble formed around them, Val saw no reason to pull away from him. Craving the warmth and nearness to him, she figured that they needed to do something while they waited for Tavras, and they might as well stay together like this.

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