Pa treon - 30 chapters ahead.

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Rei and Konan came into Mizukage's office as they were called.

The Mizukage noticed Konan's quite obvious limp and smirked widely.

"Ara, ara~. I see you had quite a funny weekend, Rei-kun~. I wonder~, how did young Konan end up in that state?" He wiggled his eyebrows at them, making three ANBU snicker, revealing their positions as the fourth female ANBU groaned and glared at the males.

"Too much lightning chakra through my nerve endings." Konan deadpanned, making the people in the room freeze.

Suddenly the female ANBU fell from the ceiling to the ground, a trail of blood flowing from underneath her mask as she giggled perversely.

The three ANBU were giving Rei an Elfman-patented stare of 'Otoko!' with thumbs up while the Mizukage was gaping. His mouth continuously opened and closed in speechlessness as his mind was deciding if he should continue with his previous attitude and go all 'Men~' at Rei or actually do what he wanted and promptly bang his head on the table as he groaned before he started facepalming!

The elemental chakra was aggressive. To push it to the body of another person and NOT damage something was hard as hell. That's why medics needed superb control! Yet using it during sex? Mizukage shuddered as his lower part was getting uncomfortable and he was glad there was a table in front of him. A luxury his ANBU guards didn't have, he noted with his trained eye.

If only they didn't shed all these manly tears... He mused as he tipped the Kage hat down, ashamed of his ANBU.

Rei saw the conflict on Mizukage's face and was about to say something, completely ignoring the twitching female ANBU between them but then the Mizukage's face split into a lecherous smile.

"Oho~. You are quite skilled, aren't you, Rei-kun~! With your 'skills'," The smile on Mizukage's smile widened as he eye-smiled and continued. "can poor Konan-chan even keep up with you by her lonesome self?"

"Of course, she is very skilled with suiton chakra!" Rei cheerfully exclaimed, ignoring the three thuds all around the room as the three remaining ANBU fell to the ground, only masks hiding their elated, dreamy expressions.

And they say the security in Kage's office is the best one could find... Rei mentally deadpanned but his face was still smiling as even the Mizukage planted his face on his hard table with a groan.

I win~... Rei's smile got positively Cheshire.

The Mizukage finally raised his head again and his expression twisted into seriousness.

"I called you here for a mission. It is an emergency. The Daimyo's son was kidnapped."

Rei stared at Mizukage in exasperation. Konan dreamily stared at Rei while the Mizukage stared at his four ANBU quite irked at the groans they released.

Since when do we employ perverts?... He thought, a vein pulsing on his forehead. Poor him, he forgot the golden rule of Narutoverse. All chakra users were perverts! Even Kaguya was slugged into her face due to Reverse Harem no Jutsu!

"You are certainly taking your time, then." Rei uttered boredly.

"Ah?... ah!" The Mizukage understood what Rei meant and just waved his hand from side to side in a dismissive motion. "It's the son of the Daimyo. If that scu-, ahem, boy died...," The Mizukage shrugged. "Who cares? Bring his bo-, ahem, him back, will you? We were already paid for at least attempting it. Oh! You may consider taking one day off before you depart! That little shit said my mustache looks ugly. One day with kidnappers regretfully won't kill him! I am 'positive'."

The Mizukage's face was beaming and Rei knew that 'day off' was more of an order than a suggestion. He shrugged as a smile tugged on his face as they left the office.

...

Kakuzu sat in the chair in the room where he and his little band of misfits momentarily hid after they kidnapped the scum of the Daimyo of Water.

To be perfectly honest, even he was disgruntled by the things the boy did. Sure, he was shinobi and for MONEY he would do anything. But he felt that the boy took the candle. His morals were so skewed that he would make a fine shinobi!

If only he was not a pampered little shit.

But alas, the survival of the little prince all came down to one thing only. Money.

No money, no life.

No sweet 5 billion Ryo, no more privilege of keeping his head on his shoulders.

That was Kakuzu's motto when dealing with things like kidnapping a target that could potentially start another shinobi war. Ah, the woes of nuke-nin life~.

Kakuzu, despite everything, fancied himself a reasonable man. Unlike everybody surmised, Money was not his hobby. Money was his priority. His lifeblood. His soul force. His 'bruh' for all purposes!

But not his hobby.

His hobby was simple. Knitting! Oh, how he like-

'Creak, creak, creak.'

And oh, how he hated annoying little shits especially when they woke up...

Kakuzu stood up with a grunt, alerting the swordsman in the corner. He gestured to him to not worry and proceeded upstairs into the room they held their prisoner.

He opened the door and entered only to see the reason for the creaking sound.

The little shit was naked on the bed, moaning heatedly as a woman rode him with passion.

Kakuzu blinked. Why would she? Did the boy perhaps offer her money? Sure he too wou-, NO, bad Kakuzu! Don't be blinded by money!

Then he blinked again and a lightbulb went on in his head. He put his hands into a hand sign.

"Kai."

The Genjutsu dissolved and the boy became quickly clothed. Still writhing and moaning as he still saw himself enjoying the ethereal beauty on top of him.

Kakuzu turned to the corner to his right.

"Why do you make him believe you're fucking him?" He exasperatedly asked the woman sitting there while boredly cleaning her kunai set. She was not nearly as pretty as the one he 'saw' on the boy but with a striking resemblance.

Karumi, the genjutsu mistress he picked up on his travels after she massacred the team from her village and unfortunately got caught, making her nuke-nin, just raised her head disinterestedly.

"Well, if this fails, I can still become one of his courtesans. These have a nice life, I heard..." She shrugged and looked at the boy in disgust. "Not like I would have to do much."

"Ah, money." Kakuzu nodded in understanding.

"Maro won't be happy. He liked doing you." Kakuzu grunted. Maro didn't ask for much money. As long as Karumi pretended to like him.

"And since when do you care?" Karumi rolled her eyes.

"Money." Kakuzu grumbled.

"We can always find someone else." Karumi shrugged with her left shoulder.

"But Money." Kakuzu gave her a meaningful look.

"I already tasted Maro. He's bland. Average in the sack and in fights. All he has going for him is that special kenjutsu of his." Karumi defended her cause.

"M-o-n-e-y!" Kakuzu spelled it for her. Why the heck couldn't the girl understand his plight? He was talking in the intergalactic language after all! Was she that dumb!?

"Fine! I will do it with Maro. Sigh, I hate that he is too strong for genjutsu... But you will raise my pay." Karumi glared at Kakuzu. She knew the life of a nuke-nin wasn't that great. But... surprisingly, it wasn't that different than work in the village.

Go there, sleep with that guy, slit his throat, that noble wants a taste of kunoichi...

Ah, the life of the Seduction Corps. Why the heck did she become shinobi again?

Uh-oh. Tarou Mokuro, the last of the Mokuro clan... I wanted to 'cure' his heart... Karumi thought in depression when she remembered her fangirl phase and where it led her.

"Money." Kakuzu simply grunted as he shook his head in dismissal.

Before Karumi could argue more, Kakuzu was already out of the room, leaving her gaping at his back, only heated moans of the noble shit and the creaking of the bed accompanying her. It was official. Her life sucked.