Yoon Hoonsik insisted, "It's okay, sir. I can buy a new one."

"Hoonsik...." This time, there was a firmness in my voice, "Go. Sunyeon asked you to buy it, didn't he? Bring it to him immediately or he will be mad at you if you are late. Don't mind me. I'll be fine. So, see you tomorrow."

Not wanting to hear any response from him, I immediately closed the door with a loud voice. Unable to take it anymore, I slumped to the floor and continued to cry.

In the gloomy darkness, it was like in the past where I kept waiting for him to return for days, weeks, months, without any news. Very painful. However, when I realized that even waiting for him for years, he would never come back even if it drained all the tears I had. It hurt more than any pain.

Slowly I stood on my shaking knees, stared blankly at the clock on the wall, showed 11:30 p.m, then got in the bedroom.

I stopped in the doorway, frozen for a moment. It was the first time I had seen this room again after a long separation. Nothing had changed, even the clock on the table and the books on the shelf were still in the same position before I left them.

However, this room was a bit messy, except for the place where I used to lay down — even it was very tidy as if it had never been touched and was clean.

Seeing this, I immediately realized how Donghwa took such good care of my bed. He probably thought that I would come back to him, so he always looked after my bed as he expected me to come home.

I remembered that I had promised myself that I would never return to this city. And now, I never thought that I would break my own words when Donghwa was no longer here.

Still with bitter tears in my eyes, without turning on the light, I walked towards the bed and lay down on it. In this dark room with silence, I was covered in gloomy darkness.

Gripping the blanket tightly, my tears flowed even harder. Even though I tried hard to close my eyes, not to cry, my tears still uncontrollably, and kept flowing and falling on the pillow. All of these events pierced my broken heart!

Tired of everything that had happened tonight, I forced myself to sleep with pain in my chest, trying to calm myself down. However, no matter how hard I tried, still, I couldn't do it.

I had been having insomnia lately. Also, the unexpected incident that just happened, made me feel not sleepy at all. It was very difficult to close my eyes while continuing to endure the pain in my heart and throughout my body.

However, as soon as my hand reached out to Donghwa's bed to pick up the pillow, I accidentally touched an object under the blanket. So, curiously I took it out and found a box of medicinal pills with a few pills still in it.

Turning on the nightlamp, I squinted to read the small print on the indication.

This was a sleeping pill.

During I lived here, I had never taken pills to give a drowsy sensation even though I had trouble sleeping. So, it was easy to conclude that it was Donghwa who took this pill.

He usually never took medicine because he usually fell asleep very easily, and I was sure he had been taking this while I wasn't here with him anymore.

I didn't know what he had been through all this time. I also didn't know how he had been feeling lately. However, from what was now, I was sure that he had gone through tough days.

When he came to see me in Sokcho, he said that his days were very difficult. But, I didn't care. I thought that he was able to go through all that. However, in reality, he was very weak. He really couldn't do anything without me.

I cursed inside, "I told you not to make me disappointed again. But, what? You don't even want to listen to me ...."

"I'm tired of dealing with your attitude, so I said that to you because I was at my limit. But, you just ignored it. And now, you still burden me with this pain."

"I'm angry ... furious ... but I can't hate you ...."

How could I hate him?

He cheated on me, I should have hated him since I found out he was cheating on me. But, I even stupidly remained silent. I even still loved him and my feelings since the beginning had never changed at all.

It's not that I didn't care about his behavior. Every day for three years, I kept trying to avoid arguing with him because I knew that if I had kept demanding justice from him, what was happening between us now, would have happened earlier. I might have filed for divorce and ran away three years ago.

I was just buying time for him to admit he was wrong or at the very least, to change his attitude. But, I couldn't believe he would stick with how he behaved and I would stay any longer for him.

He accused me of having an affair. I couldn't tolerate that. But, what could I do? Breaking up with him was difficult.

Until one day, I finally had a reason to run away even though it felt as heavy as holding the world and all the bad things in it over my head.

Heh, our life journey was like a comedy stage.

When we were twenty-two to twenty-six, we were both divinely blessed. At the age of twenty-seven, I found him sleeping with several women, but I didn't say anything. Now, entering the new year, we were both thirty-three years old.

Yeah, thirty-three years ... but we had not had much good in these three years. The divine blessing of many years ago was now the worst curse.

However, in the end, I chose to be cursed with him. And now, one of us wasn't long-living, while the other was dying, and soon, he would follow the person who made him miserable into the afterlife.

Yeah, he was poisoned me. I felt that my mind was filled with aphrodisiacs. But, I didn't die because of it, even lived longer for him.

Thinking of this, I smiled bitterly. I opened the pillbox and took out two pills. I was stunned for a moment before finally popping it in my mouth.

It tasted bitter, very bitter. However, I had been through a lot of bitterness over the past three years, so even without water, how bitter this medicine was I would be easy to swallow.

After that, I put the pill near the nightlamp and started to close my eyes. However, the medicine didn't even react. I still didn't feel sleepy and it just gave me a headache.

For two hours, I felt so miserable. Having trouble sleeping made me feel restless all the time. Until finally, I could sleep at dawn.

When I woke up, the first thing that went through my head was what happened last night. It was like a nightmare, even worse than that. What happened last night was the truth that had happened, both the news — what I witnessed — all the sadness — they were really real and hurtful. Even I could still feel them in my chest and bones.

All of that made me want to cry right now, but I held it in with great strength.

I always wanted to cry, even if I saw things that had nothing to do with my sadness, I still felt like crying for anything.

But, I was tired, exhausted even though I had slept. And it made me suffer a lot.

Two months I ran away, but all I got was sadness. During that time, I kept trying hard to smile because I didn't want to worry about someone who had sacrificed a lot for me.

For three years I suffered because my lover cheated on me, and for two months I suffered because of him too. However, just imagine how difficult it was to hide the suffering.

Now, I was sick, could I still show a smile?

Even how hard I tried to lift a corner of my lips, only ended up frowning. I guessed I couldn't pretend to be okay anymore.

Stunned for a moment, I immediately shifted my body to get up from the bed. However, when my feet had just landed on the cold floor, a pain in my head suddenly felt. I gripped my hair tightly and couldn't help but wince in pain.

While holding the pain in my head, I tried to maintain my senses, and trying to stand up, walked towards the cupboard where I had put my medicine.

However, it was just futility. My legs didn't have much strength to support my body any longer, so I fell with a loud thud. My body hit the floor hard enough, the sound could make people think that my body had been crushed, but because of the headache I had right now, then I didn't even feel any pain in my body at all.

In the end, I could only lay down weakly on the floor and endure the pain.

Cold ... as if the cold floor fused with my dead feelings ....