In the end, holding back from crying in front of Donghwa was useless. I had always been weak in arguing with him. Always giving in and obeying his words since time immemorial was a bad habit that was so hard to break. I didn't like it, neither did myself. But, what else could I do? I couldn't change anything other than hard-faking everything.

As my tears fell, I remembered how I had hoped for good things from him but he never wanted to do it.

Did he only realize his sin after the person he had, left him without caring?

From the time I lost the precious people in my life, from when I was a child until I grew up, every time I close my eyes, I always hoped to see lots of cheerful colors again. It's like when I watched TV when I was a child, on the screen, there were many beautiful colors, which I thought would always be that beautiful. However, the reality wasn't like that, it was even more gloomy and dark.

During that period, I never gave up wishing that I would see the colors I often saw on TV. I always told myself that there would be a time when someone would be present in my life; gave me redemption for my hopeless and dark life; brought me light and dreams; and always gave me his colors to decorate my gloomy life after I had lost so many precious things in my life.

And, once the light and my dreams came to my house and give colors to me, my life seemed so amazing. I kept asking, 'Is this the world I live in? Is it this beautiful?'

However, like a light and color, one day they would fade away. Gradually, the light was getting dimmer, fading the beautiful colors in my eyes, as well as destroying the dreams that I dreamed when I had Donghwa. But, he had found his own new light and rolled with him the whole time, while his old light kept trying to keep shining in the gloomy darkness. Until one day he really died and was unable to shine up on anything anymore.

Then, why should he come to me again like a new light? It was as if he was an eternal light that would keep coloring my life all the time like when he came for the first time as the light I was waiting for.

After all, I had struggled for years to keep shining on it, and I couldn't possibly sacrifice another year again to shine on the same person.

I sighed silently, trying to calm my heart as well as my broken mind, but I couldn't. Everything was scattered everywhere like broken glass on the ground. I couldn't put it back together like I used to. Even if it was formed, there would be pieces that could never be found no matter how much I tried to search for them.

Tears rolled down my face like a broken dam blowing tons of floodwaters. Logically, I felt embarrassed to cry, but emotionally I had no shame in sobbing in front of someone who didn't deserve to cry.

No. Actually, it wasn't Donghwa who made me cry, but all our memories. I didn't expect, when someone had a broken heart, that incredible happiness would become so painful, it felt like you wanted to die immediately. No wonder so many people committed suicide out of heartbreak. The people I once thought were stupid as they were desperate to end their precious life.

Besides depression, heartbreaking was the most sadistic killer. It didn't kill you instantly, but slowly. Starting from your heart, your mind, your body, then completely numbed your soul. You would experience extreme suffering that you would never imagine in your life.

Even if you heard the person who caused your heartbreak to apologize, you wouldn't feel any better sense, but it would hurt you more and more, and there was more pain you would feel at once.

The depiction was like that. But, when someone experienced it by himself, I believed that it was much worse than what I described in words.

I lowered my head, hiding my crying face. Showing it was the same as bringing down my stubborn pride. I might be stubborn but I didn't want to look that way.

Seeing me crying, Donghwa immediately exclaimed, "Chunghee!"

Surprised, Donghwa immediately got up and hugged me tightly. However, the more I sank into his arms, the more hurt I felt, releasing all kinds of emotions from within myself, and making the sobs I was trying to hide sound gentle from my lips.

It really felt unbearable to be with him but it hurt so much to leave. However, after all, running away was the path I had chosen and I had to face it no matter what, even at the expense of my own heart.

I didn't move as Donghwa embraced me with love, made me feel… comfortable.

"Chunghee, please, give me one more chance. I will fix everything, I promise. This time, I will not disappoint you." While saying, he rubbed my head gently.

In his arms, weeping all the time, I thought in my mind, 'Why did he have to come? Why didn't he, as the one who disappointed me, run and hide? Why is he so confident and asking me to come back?'

How could I accept all of that?

After being in a relationship for a long time and making love like any other pair of lovers, it was all too good to remember and painful at the same time. I had high expectations to live with him forever. However, he heartlessly destroyed all the beauties that I always imagined every moment. Then, after he broke my heart, he came to me to apologize so easily as if forgiving one mistake was an easy thing to do.

Perhaps, for him, it was easy, as easy as saying "yes, I forgive you". But for me, forgive him or not, the result would still be the same. Even if I came back, the relationship wouldn't be the same as before. It's easy to say "I forgive you," but very hard to forget many painful things that happened.

"Chunghee, give me one more chance. I beg you."

Hearing the same words once again, I lifted my gaze, then tried to remove his arms. As soon as he let go of his embrace, I immediately pushed him away from me a little.

With a misty gaze filled with tears, I tried to stare at him seriously. As soon as I looked at him, Donghwa suddenly fell silent as if he was scared. Until I tried to ask one question, "Why did you do that?"

"It's because I don't want to break up. I want us to go back to how we used to be," he replied immediately.

"It's not that!" I confirmed. Gritting my teeth, I said my question more clearly, "Why are you cheating on me?"

By the look on his face, Donghwa looked surprised. He suddenly fell silent for a long time like a statue in silence.

The question was a question I had been wanting to ask for a long time. However, as I didn't want to argue with him, I could only swallow up the question along with the pain inside.

Now, having parted ways, I supposed, there was nothing better than asking about it.

Not getting any answer, I wiped the tears in my eyes, then sneered, "Heh, you can't even answer that question. Do you want to make any excuses again? It's useless, you know."

Donghwa showed a pang of guilt on his face. He then slowly lowered his gaze, then as soon as he lifted it back up, his gaze was filled with deep regret.

He sat facing me, holding my hand, and said in a low voice that trembled slightly, "I don't love him."

Furious, I raised my voice as soon as I replied, "I'm not asking if you love him or not! I don't care at all! I just want to know what your reason is, why you cheated on me!"

Donghwa didn't answer and just kept showing a look of regret which made me sick.

"Why don't you want to answer? Do you think I don't know about your affair?! You think that with me being silent all this time, you feel like you've succeeded in hiding your bad behavior out there?!" Sighing, I continued in a tone that was calmer than before, "Since a long time ago, you've always accused me of having an affair. I never even thought of looking for someone else because I've made you the only one in my heart. But, what do I gain? only disappointments all the time."

"Not only that. You didn't only make me disappointed but also hurt me because of all your nonsense about the affair. With great effort, I stand for you but you even accused me of having an affair, where is your conscience? You said you love me. Then, what? You see now? You made me have to make this decision."

"Chunghee ... I'm sorry ... I'm sorry ... I was wrong. I'm sorry ...."

Donghwa kept apologizing.