"Chunghee!"

I gasped from sleep with my eyes widened open. Staring at the ceiling that looked both strange and different, breathless and with a pounding heart.

Cold sweat poured down my temples, made my whole body feel cold with fear. The nightmare I just had was really making me more anxious than before.

I gulped difficulty before sweeping my gaze to all directions, eyeing the entire room.

As soon as I turned sideways, my gaze suddenly stopped when I saw Yunhee, who was currently sitting next to me while looking at me with a surprised look.

"Nightmare? You kept saying Chunghee's name when you slept. But, I didn't dare to wake you up."

I ignored his words, and slowly got up from my position and sat on the bed. I asked, "Since when were you here?"

Yunhee replied irritatedly, "Since last night. And because of you, I left my wife at home. She's going to put me to sleep outside tonight."

I frowned instantly when I heard the answer. I returned my gaze across the room, eyeing it carefully, before asking to make sure, "Is this in the hospital?"

He sighed heavily, then asked, "Don't you remember anything?"

I shook my head in response.

Yunhee sneered, then explained, "Heh, yes, you're in the hospital right now. Last night you were drunk until I found you faint in your apartment. Luckily, your door wasn't locked, so when I arrived at your apartment, I saw you laying like a very pathetic fool on the floor. If I didn't come to your place, who knew you would rot in that place?"

I turned my eyes in a different direction, trying to remember everything again. But, still, it's just a vague glimpse that was hard for me to conclude.

In my head, what was ringing was how I argued with Daehyun last night. And after that, I couldn't remember anything anymore and suddenly woke up in a different place in a daze.

In the middle of my current thoughts, a fold of paper was thrown and hitting my face. I glanced at the folds of paper that were lying on the bed, then took it, and read it immediately.

It's a diagnosis sheet. After reading the writing in it, I showed a cold smile, glanced sharply at Yunhee who was looking at me with an angry gaze. I ripped the paper into small pieces, then said, "Heh, I don't care."

Yunhee's face turned flat and his eyes turned colder. He asked, "Since when did you have a cardiac issue?"

"It's been a long time."

"Does Chunghee know about that?"

"No."

"Heh, you two are just as insane. Stop drinking and smoking. How long are you going to be like that, huh? Until you die? That will only shorten your life you know," he said worriedly.

I lifted my gaze, looking at Yunhee with a look of despair. "Then, what should I do? I just keep feeling restless and you know that I will smoke and drink alcohol when I feel restless, right?" Paused for a moment, I added, "The doctor warned me to quit the habits, but what can I do?"

"Heh, I'm sure that Chunghee wouldn't want to see you like this either." Sighing, he tried to persuade me, "What if he finds out that now, the person he left behind is getting sick like this? You don't want to make him feel sad, do you? You will only make him even angrier with you if he sees your condition. So, from now on, stop drinking and smoking."

Hearing his words, I slightly lowered my gaze as if something was stabbing my heart deeper. I replied in a low voice that sounded pathetic, "I ... don't want to die. But, even if I have to die, at least, I die after seeing his face. I can't die before I see him."

"Heh, you idiot! What the hell are you talking about? Are you still drunk so you talk such a bullshit?!" He emphasized.

I smiled but it didn't reach my eyes, Its curvature was just a falsity that lined the corner of my lips.

"Hey, Yunhee, you know, throughout my life, there have been many people who reprimanded me about my bad habits. However, I won't listen to anyone, other than it was Chunghee who said it." There was a nostalgic tone when I said my words. "If it wasn't Chunghee, I would never stop doing that — never would."

I touched my chest which felt tight as if it was squeezed by the tightening of my ribs, like pressing my chest with great force when I remembered how Chunghee used to always reprimand me about my habits, but I never wanted to listen to his words and just kept saying, "I'll work on it".

Now, when I had started to fix things up, he had left me instead and it's because of my faults.

All of our memories suddenly flashed through my mind, made the pain in my heart hurt even more penetrating the bottom of my heart.

I muttered, "I ... I miss him so much ... I want him to scold me like he used to ... I want to see his smile when he welcomes me home. I'm even always waiting for him to come home in the living room. But, why, why didn't he come home until now?"

"He once said that he accepts me for who I am and will never leave me, but why is he doing this to me now? I want him to come back. I want us to make up. I don't care if he doesn't want to talk to me, as long as we can still live together, that's enough for me."

This feeling made me want to shed tears. But, I had been crying too much out of this sadness.

People might see me as a strong man but inside of me was completely shattered to pieces.

These two days I cried too much so that my tears didn't remain even though I really wanted to vent my emotions, regret, guilt, for my own stupidity right now.

"I really miss him ... I really miss my Chunghee. I even always come to his grandma's house, but there's no one in that place." With a pause, I squeezed my hair, feeling frustrated by my mind that had never found a common ground for goodness in our relationship. "I ... I want to ... see him. He's still my lover. We haven't broken up. I know that Chunghee left me because he just wanted to threaten me. So, I ... I ...."

"Hey, Donghwa ...." Yunhee squeezed my shoulder as if he also felt the sadness that I felt.

"I...."

"Hey, Donghwa!"

My lips were trembling. There were many things I wanted to say but it was too much to say in words.

I closed my eyes, took a deep breath to relax, made the words on the tip of my tongue swallow up like thorns that tore the skin of my neck after Yunhee slapped me!

He shouted, "Donghwa, stop being stupid like that. Stop thinking about him for a while and start caring about your current condition!"

"Yunhee, I told you, I only care about Chunghee right now. I just want him to come home. And I think ...." I paused for a moment before continuing, "I guess ... I can't live without him."

Yunhee snorted, then spoke, "Donghwa, come on, stop acting like that. After all, there's still Sunyeon, right? You once told me that Sunyeon reminded you of Chunghee when you were at university. Why don't you come to him for a while to treat you— "

"Goddamn you!" I cursed.

I knew that Yunhee intended to comfort me. But, saying that, made me feel even more guilty for what I had done so far.

So, I shouted furiously, "They're still different! He will never replace Chunghee! But, why are you still cracking a joke in a situation like this?!" Due to the unbearable anger, I immediately jumped at Yunhee and grabbed his collar tightly when I heard the rotten words leave his lips, causing the IV that was attached to the back of my hand removed without me noticing it.

"How dare you say that! Don't bring my words back up. That's bullshit!"

Yunhee took a deep breath, then let go of my hand from his neck. "Alright, alright then. But, come on, don't act like that."

I kept shouting, "Then, what do you want me to do?! Stay calm when Chunghee is with someone else out there?! I have always been so desperate for him not to be glanced at by other people, am I going to let this situation be? I can't do that!"

I slowly stepped back, then sitting down on the patient's bed limply, helplessly.

"After graduating from university, we looked for work together and shared the same food. When I was fired from my job, he helped me to find a new job. He was even willing to give the savings he kept for a year just to help me when I really had nothing." I was silent for a moment, smiling stupidly. As I reminisced about our past, I felt my chest tighten even more. I continued, "But, now, I lost the person who was always there for me; the person who always supported me to become like this ... I'm afraid ... I'm really afraid if something bad happens to him ... I can't. .. I can't...."