"Can I help you?"

I never realized how an offer of assistance could ever sound the least bit intimidating until I heard them be out of the lips of the biggest, bulkiest staff member in black they got staking out at the entrance.

"Yes, um… we're on the list I think," I said, then when his bushy eyebrows slanted at me, added in haste, "Friends of Amanda. Amanda Collins? One of the hosts? You know her?"

Seriously, whoever said size doesn't matter clearly has never had someone he had to tiptoe just to make even eye contact with. Then again, I don't suppose that someone was actually referring to height.

Whatever, point still stands.

"'Course I know her," He grunted, staring out his wary hardened eyes at my party I know. "Tell me this - how can I know she knows you?"

His gaze was a mood setter, and that mood was fright. You fire a gun at him, and the bullet would turn right around and cower back into the chamber before he could even finish blinking his eyes.

"She didn't tell you anything?" I asked.

"Boyfriend," His deep sonorous voice rumbled, spewing the word out like a spitball of poison. "My boyfriend and his friends are here. Please, take good care of them, if you'd be so kind? Thank you."

For some reason, I don't think he likes me very much. Also does Amanda just go around to anybody who has ears telling them that?

"That would be me… and uh, that would be them too," I said, tossing a finger to the back. "Do you need verification or something? Fill out a form? How does this work?"

I think it was the beard. I'm like half-convinced every single strand was steel. Probably added to the intimidation factor a whole lot.

"You're a clown," He said.

"Huh?" I blinked once, lost and confused. Then blinked again, realization hitting fast with the chime of bells. "Oh, right, the costume. What do you think? I look good?"

"I think you look like a clown," He said in a way that gave me vivid images of a group of clowns burning his home to cinders and stomping big squeaky boots on the ashes. "She said to look for a clown, so I guess that's you, isn't it… clown?"

His passive-aggressiveness was less on the passive and more on the aggressive. As confused as I was as to why I was being complicit in his burnt home out of nowhere, I didn't really much mind it… but I couldn't say the same for everyone.

The Knight to my side had ears sharper than the narrowest blade, the things I heard were magnified a hundred times over for her, and as evident by her gaze, she didn't very well like what she was hearing from this man.

I rather not have a confrontation first thing in the afternoon though, so with a light squeeze on her wrist, and my stare pleading to play nice, fortunately, she decided to let it be.

"Wear this - " The man tossed each of us a badge. "Don't lose 'em - " Gestured his giant fist inwards. "Any trouble, you'll hear from me, you hear me?"

"Loud and clear," I told him, then, swinging mine around my neck, motioning for the others to follow. "Let's go, guys."

The bizarre encounter left a bad taste in my mouth, I didn't even need eyes at the back of my head to know that he was still staring at me as ventured deeper into the building.

The hell was his deal?

"Master, just what was that back then?" Ash asked once out of earshot, looking back with her lips parted open slightly. "Do you know him by any chance?"

"Nope, I don't really associate much with giants actually," I immediately said.

"Does he know you?"

I looked back too, and yep, still staring, alright. "It really does seem like it, doesn't it?"

"His… blood pressure… got high… his heartbeat… fast… very fast..." Adalia looked up from the floor, to my eyes, her words spoken like a tuneless piano. "He… doesn't like… you…"

Meanwhile, Sera was over here at the back looking like she just found one of her people.

"Do not fret, Master," assured Ash, thumping her chest plate once with a confident fist. "Shall he ever attempt anything worthy of your scorn, I will surely be there to - "

"Do absolutely nothing," I interjected, lowering her hand down for her. "We're here as Amanda's special guest. We don't wanna do anything that'll make her look bad."

"True, and yet I feel - "

"Do not fret, Ash," I said, throwing her words back at her with a reassuring smile of my own. "Nothing bad's gonna happen. It's a convention. Everybody's here for fun. No one's gonna jump us and cause any trouble."

Ash's dubious expression gradually faded. "Perhaps you're right. Yes, perhaps indeed I'm merely worrying too much. Very well, let us just simply enjoy our time together without any - "

Suddenly, Ash gave a slight yelp and immediately froze in place. Her eyes blinking rapidly and staring so dazed. Then when I hastily turned her way, I went shrieking too as a bright flash of light whitened away everything in sight before dissipating as fast as it came.

I thought many, many things - all of them very bad, and was just about to book it until I heard a high-pitch squealing from whence the bright light came.

"I can't believe what I'm seeing!" spoke a voice before the sound of rapid clicking and a barrage of flashes came again. "Eshwlyn the Elf-Knight! It's like - my God, it's like you're really her!"

There was some blurry-looking woman nearby with a camera, her finger on the button like a woodpecker on crack, spinning circles around a disconcerted Ash, flailing her arm sparing what remains of her eyesight from the harsh glare. Yet alas, her speed could never hope to match the shutter of a camera's lenses.

"Could you do a pose? Any pose? Ooh, do the one on the cover, do that! Can ya? Would ya?!"

"Ah? Hah? Pose - I'm afraid I don't..." Ash became a bumbling mess going up against such overwhelming enthusiasm, trying her best to keep track of the camerawoman snaking all around her body. "Just - for now - please - I kindly ask that you refrain from blinding my gaze with your strange blocky… thing you hold in your hands."

"How you doing that voice?! You talk and sound the same too! Girl, you're a natural at this!" The lady ooh-ed and ahh-ed with every click. "Turn this way - come on - one more, one more - turn, bend, turn!"

It was then I noticed Ash wasn't the only one being made into a photoshoot. The entire lobby was a teeming den of clicks and flashes with rugged warriors and enchanting maidens striking poses front, back, and center.

There was at least an average of three photographers for every cosplayer, with the most being six at a time for a succubus wearing a rather revealing garb.

Then, thanks to all the commotion our photograph was causing, a pair of eyes turned our way, and then it was two… after that, we had three. More commotion, more flashes… from the distance they were all staring at Ash like a predator to prey, salivating… their fingers itchy atop the trigger.

It didn't take more than two seconds to be bombarded with a hailstorm of glinting lenses. There was not a place we could turn to without at all seeing white.

So much pushing and shoving for the perfect angle that in the midst of it all, I lost track of everyone. All I knew was that they had to be somewhere in the chaos.

I looked around, briefly, fleetingly spotting one of them occasionally. Sera motionless, just letting it all happen… no resistance. Adalia was a ghost, a total no-show anywhere.

And Ash… poor Ash.

Swamped.

Completely.

Remember that average? There was no average here, no statistics. Get your maths out of here.

Half the lobby gravitating on her position, like an asteroid belt consisting of nothing but cameras, Ash was trapped in the disarray of "Eshwlyn look here!" and "Eshwlyn turn here, please!".

Let it not be said that I did not try valiantly to fight the raging tide - I tried forcing my way in, but it's like the more I tried to push, the more I got shut out. Calling for her didn't work too, my voice alone was just one tiny whisper in a collective of millions.

Somewhere in the chatter, I caught a person saying something about bringing someone somewhere else. They were murmurs of perfect opportunities and show-stoppers. I'm not sure who that was referring to exactly… the vicinity was an echo chamber going round and round.

May I just add that no one was clamoring for my picture to be taken? No surprises there, right?

Before I knew it, the crowd had dispersed - with my party members right along with it. I was standing there, wearing the garbs of a fool, feeling like a fool, alone and blinking the twinkling stars out of my eyes.

What the fuck just happened? Did I get jumped? Did they seriously just steal them all away from me like that?! Did that just happen?!

They say the man makes the outfit, and in my case… my clothes fit me too well here.

No trouble, the fool claims…

I should never be a weatherman. I'll surely be lynched on my first day.