Let it not be said that I did not have my misgivings about the training regiment that Irene was proposing. I remembered telling myself when we first began that I'd be willing to do whatever it takes to pull off this impossible feat.

Now, with Ria slumbering so peacefully by my feet, blissfully unaware of the proceedings that were about to take place, I'm starting to question just far I was willing to take this 'whatever'.

It was amazing how quick my imagination was to quickly set up the stageplay in my head of the worst-case scenario that could happen. A Legless Ria, an armless Ria… fucking headless.

Thanks, brain. You're really doing me a solid here.

I know she wouldn't die… Irene assured that they'll regenerate in a flash of embers.

But then I'd have to do it again. Over and over and over. Until I get it just right.

"How about we just stick to apples?" I suggested, realizing the image of a sliced apple wasn't really fazing as much as the prospect of torn limbs.

Gee, who could have thought?

No dice, unfortunately. Irene had me beat with facts and logic.

Fruit does not equate to a sentient being. Even if I did manage to vanish them apples, that skill won't translate to something that's alive. I'd essentially have to relearn the process all over again.

Wasting precious time, and precious energy. It was faster to just skip over the elementary course and jump all the way to Grandmaster.

"Just remember the tennis ball," Irene said to me, her voice calm and assuring. "Remember that feeling when it disappeared. It's the same thing. Ria's the tennis ball… your magic is the process of you throwing that tennis ball. Focus. Determination. Intent."

My uncertainty wasn't what was bothering me the most, though. It was a factor, but not the biggest. The biggest was the casualness of it all, the lack of precariousness, the lack of worry… Irene's face was as stoic as it can be, and that honestly perplexed me.

"How long have you known Ria?" I asked.

Irene gave a slight pause before answering. "Almost my whole life."

"And you're okay with this?"

"Ria's been through worse, much worse. What were doing with her is nothing, less than nothing even."

I shook my head. "I didn't ask that."

Another pause, a longer one this time, one that drifted her gaze over to the dim orange light, shimmering her dark hazel eyes bright.

"Yes," She finally responded, a little waver in her voice, her stoicness. "I'm okay with this."

That slight waver was all that I needed to hear. This was going to bother her a lot more than it was going to bother me.

And still, she wanted me to do it.

Whatever it takes…

Slowly, I lowered myself onto bent knees, mere inches away from the blanket, inches from the stray strands of smoldering hair. I readied my hands, felt them clutch an imaginary ball, I felt the pressure, a faint tingling sensation in my palms… closing my eyes, I blew out a breath.

"Tell me what to do."

An hour later, I was back to training.

Irene left shortly after giving a brief rundown of the fundamentals. Ash tagged along, taking Mr. Black along with, departing quietly with only a smile of encouragement so as not to disrupt my focus. I appreciated it all the same.

The seconds ticked down, and I could feel every moment of it, like a muscle being strained that stretched beyond the reach of my palms, only this muscle was intangible, mystical… magical, it's able to do a lot of things that a normal muscle can only dream of doing.

If I wanted it to make something disappear, I can… I just needed to control it, refine it, contort that muscle to do exactly as I desire. When it came to down to it, that's essentially what magic was - flexing an invisible muscle.

In a way, magic users were just very toned bodybuilders… and if I ever want to stand among the mystic musclemen, then I needed to bulk up.

Focus, determination, and intent.

Like alarm clocks indefinitely chiming, they took turns blaring themselves in my head. Everyone had a motto to adhere to, those three words just so happen to be mine.

Eventually seconds in silence, became minutes in monotony… I stayed kneeling there, my knees aching, joints stiffening but I did not break focus.

The stripes on the walls, the rings of bright whites and dark blacks… Irene said colors played a vital role in certain magical procedures. Summoning and un-summoning needed a precise amount of black, and a precise amount of white in order to be extra effective.

Yet even with the added assistance of painted walls, Ria remained where she laid.

How long already? I didn't know. Couldn't look at my phone, didn't have any clocks anywhere to drift my eyes to. The sunrays that poured out the windows outside only told me it was getting brighter, higher… was that an hour's passed, two hours worth, or maybe three?

It was quiet here, so quiet. All I could hear was my breathing gradually growing heavy… and Ria's, so light, so faint. It was a disparity I couldn't help but notice.

Here I was, struggling with all my effort, unable to even wipe away the sweat dripping from my chin, contrasting that, the face before me couldn't look more peaceful unless it was placed atop a bed of white roses.

Ria slept the seconds, the minutes, the hours, all away, never once stirring, never in the slightest moving. Sleeping a sleep so blissful, peaceful… and unending.

Why did you choose that?

Ria, why didn't you wake up?

What is in there, that you can't get out here? Just what do you dream? Who do you see? How do you feel? Are you happy being in there?

Being out here… weren't you? All those smirks, all your teasing, your taunts… were those smiles ever real?

I knew you were hiding something, I had a feeling there was always something lurking behind those jokes and jeers. I never knew what exactly, and even now I still don't.

You pushed me when I ask. You'd change the topic, drop the subject, every time I even think about bringing it up. Ria, why didn't you wanna talk about it? You kept pushing this lofty image of you being bright and boisterous, you never once broke away from it, even in times when things got so dire…

What was the point of reinforcing that image, if you were just going to shatter it just like that?

You ran, Ria… and you're still running.

Why are you running?

I don't know your past, and most likely I never will. If you don't want me to know, that's fine with me. But don't think you can just fade into your make-believe and expect me to understand why you did it.

Because I don't understand.

Instead, I'm just bitter, I'm upset. I resented…

I resent you.

And that, more than my aching joints, more than my heaving breaths, pained me more than anything.

The embers smoldering, the cinders swaying, the warmth of her flames… I stopped feeling it. The room began to pulsate, the blacks, the whites, circular beams of light converging at the center, converging around her.

Emotions.

Bask in misery, Mom said.

Well, like it or not, here I was… basking in my resentment, my bitterness… after hours, after a long while of dead air, I could feel the magic, like tethered strings on my fingertips, and they were conforming, enveloping… bending to my will, and it showed.

Ria was becoming see-through.

Before my very eyes.

Her glowing locks, the curls, the strands… inch by inch, they were fading. Gradually it started to spread, from her forehead… to the long lashes of her eyes, the bridge of her nose, the red of her lips.

They were still visible, but it was like looking through white steam that had taken the shape of her face.

I didn't have time to be in awe, couldn't afford to break focus, I continued the magic, my emotions… all the way through to her neck, her chest, her long slender arms.

Before long, she was halfway gone, and I was almost done.

But I should have known there was no such thing as first-time successes. At least, when it came to me…

Ria stayed halfway gone. The rest of her body stayed, from her hips all the way down to her feet… they refused to fade along with the rest of her.

No matter how much I kept exerting, how much I tried to focus, I couldn't envelop her anymore…. the strings on my fingertips were pulled to their limits.

That was when worry started to take over from my resentment. Emotions are a fickle thing… you feel one thing one second, then the next… like a flip of a switch, you feel another.

I tried to keep it, cling that dreadful feeling near and dear to me, desperately trying to retain that bitterness… but the more I tried, the more I worried I couldn't… and I worried, and worried… until eventually.

The strings snapped.

The colors stopped glowing.

The magic had gone, and it had taken her along with it… half of her was gone.

And half of her had stayed.

In a flash, I saw blood spurting, soaking… spreading all around, then in an instant, just as fast as she had gone… Ria returned.

All of Ria returned.

Like she never left.

But what I saw in that split second, in that one fleeting moment of failure… it was a clean-cut, like a hot knife through butter, no jagged edges on her… split cleanly in half.

I didn't even have time to scream before her other half returned… and if it hadn't been for Irene and her incantation… I don't even want to think about it...

But she was here now, she came back… Ria was still breathing, still sleeping… unaware of what the hell just happened to her body.

I wanted to stop right there, I didn't want to do it again, I didn't even want to touch her again, because I never wanted to see that ever again.

And yet… I still reached out, still hovered my hands, steadying my breathing and clearing my head once again for another long few hours of silence.

Because I have to do it again. Over and over and over. Until I get it just right.

Whatever it takes.