Chapter 123

Chapter 123 Iris’s monologue

After Tanya prepared my bed for me, I lay down for a bit .

And then after she left, I went to the balcony .

Although it was a bit unseemly, it should be fine at night…at least that’s what I told myself .

I gazed at the night sky, and looked at the street .

It was quite dark . I couldn’t make much out .

It was the darkness of a world without electricity .

But even that kind of darkness made me happy .

“…a wish that I can’t abandon, hm? Like an idiot…”

I clenched my jaw…but still I couldn’t hold back the ugly tears . It was only because I didn’t have to worry about being seen by others that I could allow an expression like that onto my face .

My whispers echoed, then dissipated in the darkness .

More and more tears flowed down my face .

With the tears came the sobs that I tried my hardest to hold back .

…I wasn’t ignoring what Tanya said .

It was actually the opposite .

Tanya’s words were a signal to me .

Sleeping deep within my heart was… . a wish that I couldn’t abandon .

I was the idiot .

I had encountered painful, awful experiences, and the emotions that should have been locked away spilled out so easily .

How fragile .

I had realized it . Even though I pretended I hadn’t .

I made up excuses, even lied to my own heart .

If I could just face myself, it would be easy .

Why did I rely on him, flirt with him?

Who did I reveal my pains and my emotions to?

Why did I get so deep into the trenches of ugly jealousy?

It was because even though my heart understood everything, my mind had stopped thinking .

But I…could not fail any more .

What I might lose was of too much importance .

The people following me, my territory . And the people who lived on this land .

Facing all of this, I felt that I was turning back into the idiotic self of my past . Thinking about the desperation of being betrayed…made me so scared .

I don’t want that .

Uncertain things that I couldn’t confirm with my eyes, things that I was powerless against–why would I chase after them like this?

Although I was so afraid, there was also an intense emotion in my heart, waiting to erupt .

“I like…”

Trying to say it made my heart drop to the ground with a thud .

I hadn’t said that in front of him .

Because my yearning would never come true .

A love that went past identities, a story that was more like a dream .

Cinderella was also a noble .

Yuri was also a duke’s daughter .

That’s why I didn’t tell him .

…I couldn’t throw away all that was so important to me .

So I hid my true feelings again .

And then, looked away .

Tomorrow, my smile would be the same as always .