Chapter 90

Chapter 90: Resolve

When I came home, I really wanted to just sleep till the next morning, so I crawled under my covers after my bedtime routine .

But my mind was strangely alert, and I didn’t feel a wink of tiredness .

… . My thoughts reeled the conversation with Mother and the view of the tower .

“… . To prevent sadness from further tragedy, to preserve the spectacle before us . ”

My mother’s face was extremely beautiful as she said that .

It wasn’t really because of her natural looks, but more like… . I saw an affectionate mother who loved everything around her .

I looked back upon myself, what were my feelings towards my people’s emotions… . ? As I pondered this, I laughed unwittingly .

Am I not the same as my mother?

When I met Miss Mina and the children at the orphanage… . Or, even earlier than that . I had already steeled my decision when I was touring the fief .

At that time, I wasn’t involved in politics yet, but I had power . A power called the “Authority as the Feudal Lord Representative” .

My path forward, as well as my responsibilities, is deeply connected with the people’s lives .

That includes the piles of papers sitting on my desk . When I scrutinize each file, I always can feel the pressuring burden on my shoulders .

It’s all to protect the citizens’ way of life .

Haven’t I had that resolve since a long time ago?

It could be because… . After the excommunication, that courage had weakened .

Isn’t my existence absolutely beneficial to the fief’s governance? If that’s true, then all of what I did and all of my progress has brought the fief forward, right?

… . It’s always been fact that there is never a time to lose faith .

Because I’m already moving full steam ahead, my direction has pulled the citizens’ lives and the fief in with it .

After all of what happened in the past, I couldn’t still say “I haven’t made a resolve yet . ”

I’m striding onward to fulfill my own dream .

I won’t lose my objective . If I get lost in my way, then the people behind me would fall apart, too .

I should only do what I can in the best way possible .

As I thought about all of this, my feelings of displeasure and worry melted away, and my mind stabilized .

With a satisfying thought, I plunged myself into the world of dreams .

The next day, I called Ryle and Dida back .

“What do you need, Princess?”

“Mm, I just want to let you two know my resolve . ”

After hearing my words, Ryle widened his eyes in surprise . Dida started to smile in amusement .

“… . Yesterday, Dida asked me if I was sure of my resolve . ”

“Indeed . ”

“Although my stance was wavering a bit… . After thinking about it, I figured it shouldn’t have taken until yesterday to ask this question . ”

Dida’s jaw dropped from my response .

*TL note: In my opinion, author is being a little filler-y and melodramatic . Urgghh just get with the story

“Because, I’ve already decided in my heart long ago- I want to protect this fief, and shield the residents of this land . ”

“… . To achieve that, will blood be spilled?’

“My answer is ‘yes’… . But also ‘no’ . ”

Ryle and Dida tilted their heads in confusion .

“My shoulders have carried the burden of hundreds of civilians’ lives since long ago . My mission is to protect this fief… And the lives inside it . If violence falls into the path of that goal, I will order our soldiers to action . Then, I will assume all related responsibilities . ”

Worlds without pain do not exist .

I’ve understood this long before anything .

“However, to prevent such a travesty from happening… . I will resist the hardest I can, until the last second . I’ll seize every opportunity to prevent things from flowing in those terrible directions . Compared to agonizing over how to win wars, figuring out how to prevent them is far more superior . This is the most important priority, and I will follow this plan . ”

Have I switched the positions of goals and methods?

That is indeed a mistake I’m making .

I’ve always been thinking- if war breaks out, who is going to assume responsibility? What will be the Duke’s position on the whole matter?

But, that isn’t what it should come down to . Because there is more than one method to achieve our goal .

Predicting future events, and utilizing both intelligence and counterintelligence . My pen, mind, and words will be my weapons .

Military force will be my last card . But before playing that hand, I must learn to use all of my deck to its fullest potentials .

This is my true mission .

“But… . If, no matter what… . Force will be the only path to walk on, I will have to rely on Dida, Ryle, you guys . Even a drop of blood spared will be worth it . But I’m the only one who can shoulder responsibility, so that will be covered by me . ”

After I finished speaking, Dida started to laugh for some reason .

… . Did I say anything out of place?

No, that was all in a very serious tone… .

“A very elegant resolve… But also an incredibly naïve one . ”

“Dida… . !”

Standing next to him, Ryle looked very angry .

“But, alright . The reason why we’re willing to serve the princess is precisely because of what kind of person you’ve always been . The princess can go protect the things she cares about . ”

… . Then, is that approval?

“… . Just spit it out already . ”

Ryle spoke exasperatedly .

“Missus, we are your shield and sword . The wrinkles of your worries will be smoothed out by us . Whenever you feel that force will be the only path to take… . Please rely on us . We will defend you with all our might . ”

Ryle kneeled on one foot .

Dida also kneeled .

“Mm, thank you… . Ryle, Dida . ”

I don’t want to lose them either… . They too are what I wish to safeguard .

Then I’ll keep fighting, for my fief .