Chapter 49

DD – c49 Complicated Feelings

“Sorry, I seem to have drunk too much . ”

I thought Grandfather would be the only one in this morning, but Ryle and Dida were also in . Grandfather tends to be rather zealous sometimes, so the two being brought with him as escorts can’t be helped .

“Tanya, can you make sure these two get plenty of water?”

“Certainly . ”

Whilst directing a request to Tanya who had been standing at my side, I sit down in the seat opposite from Grandfather .

“Grandfather, even if it’s you, drinking too much will be bad for your health . Shouldn’t you lessen the amount of alcohol that you drink?”

“Kuh…”

Grandfather grimaced… He does love alcohol after all .

“And so, how much did you drink last night?”

“I was drinking with the guys from the Order and the Army . So… . I may have had too much fun and decided it wasn’t enough, so I took these two and went out drinking . ”

“Geez . . ”

The cause of this is that last decision . Since long ago, Grandfather would take the two out to drink, trying to teach them their limits, but the two would come back unconscious every time . Grandfather has taken a liking to the the two so he sometimes ends up forcing drink after drink on them .

“…Please excuse the interruption . ”

“Oh . Tanya, what is it?”

“Rudeus-sama has come to pick up Sir Gazelle . ”

“…What!”

Grandfather suddenly panicked . Since Grandfather rarely shows that side of him, I laughed .

“Tell him I’m not here . ”

“…But…”

As Tanya was thinking about how to pass that information to Rudeus, he appeared from behind her .

“So Grandfather… I’ve heard that you drank a store dry again . ”

“No, that’s…”

“How many times do I have to tell you to please restrain yourself? You’re a very influential person in this country . It may be peaceful now, but if you were suddenly attacked while you were unconscious, there will be nothing we can do . I beg for you to drink less outside!”

Hearing Rudeus’ argument, it seemed like Grandfather’s shoulders shrunk smaller and smaller . Rudeus is my mother’s brother’s son . . Basically he’s my cousin, the head of household and heir to be of the Anderson House . Incidentally, Marquis Anderson says frequently that since he’s weaker than Grandfather he doesn’t want to be affiliated with the Order or the Army . Similarly, Rudeus isn’t affiliated with either and is simply studying to be the successor . Though I don’t know what he’s studying in particular… As one would expect, he is Grandfather’s grandson . His athletic ability is similar to that of Ryle or Dida, and his physique is slender but well built .

“It’s been a long time, Rudi . ”

“It has been a while, Iris . Ah, sorry . Although it’s a long-awaited reunion, we meet because of this kind of reason . ”

I’m 2 years older than him, so we met during one year at the Academy . But since we were in different years, meeting him was difficult, and near the end I was also banished from the Academy .

“It’s fine . I was also telling Grandfather that he should drink less . ”

“Is that so? I’m thankful that Iris is telling Grandfather the same thing . Grandfather won’t listen to what I say, but surely he’d listen to you . ”

“Surely that’s not true . Oh, would you like to have some tea as well?”

“I’d love to accept such a rare opportunity, but I have something to do afterwards . Alright then Grandfather, time to go home . ”

“Ugh . . ”

“Grandfather, thank you for bringing Ryle and Dida home . You should also go home and rest your body . ”

“Can’t I stay here?”

While creasing his eyebrows, Grandfather pleaded .

“What’re you saying? We’re going home now . ”

Rudeus shot down Grandfather’s plea . As I thought the conversation between them is amusing .

“Iris, let’s have a proper conversation next time . ”

With that, Rudeus pulled Grandfather out of the room . I thought to myself, where does Rudeus hide that sort of strength .

Like a tornado that passed, the surrounding got extremely quiet .

“… Tanya, could I get one more cup?”

“Certainly . ”

As I was planning to take a bit of a longer break, Berne walked into the room .

“Could I perhaps join in too?”

“Of course . Sit over there . ”

Upon my words, my excellent maid, Tanya, places a cup of tea in front of Berne .

“It’s been a while since we’ve had a conversation like this . ”

The last time we met was when the Foundation Day party was held, and even then I didn’t talk to him . I had my own duties to attend to while Berne was following father around doing work .

“Yes… that is right . ”

Berne nodded in affirmation, and drank some tea . The tea fit his palette and his expression relaxed .

“I thought that you’d be going back to your fief soon . ”

“Yes . I’ve already been away from my fief for a long time, it’s probably about time I should head back . …So, how have you been, Berne?”

“… . I’ve learned a lot working under Father . I need to recover the time I’ve been wasting up until now . ”

“It’s not like you’ve been playing around so I think it’s fine, isn’t it? And since it is something unique like academy life, I don’t think it’s too bad . ”

I reminisced my previous life . If I remember correctly, school life is one of the vital moments . You don’t realize it until you enter the work force . You work with, study with, fight with people of the same age…You sometimes have bitter moments, but in the end it’s enjoyable . In my opinion, the time when you finally understand the joys of youth is a bit after you finish your school life .

“…But I’ve stolen that precious time from you . ”

“…?”

I couldn’t hear Berne as his voice got quieter . His facial expression changed so I understood it was about something bad .

“… Nee-san . I have something I need to apologize for . ”

“I was thinking about what you were going to say, but what exactly are you apologizing for?”

Even if I didn’t ask what the reason was, I could see that he was talking about my banishment from the academy .

“… The banishment from the academy . ”

I asked the question anyways since I wanted to know his motive .

“You don’t need to apologize for that . It was my fault that I was stubborn . So it was my mistake, not yours . ”

“You said that last time too . But I don’t think what you said is correct . At that time I was moving solely based on wanting to be loved by her . Working off of just my emotions lead to where we are now . ”

“So what you wanted to show me was that you’re aiming for the position of Prime Minister, and this apology was to show your resolution for it?”

I interpreted his apology as, “I won’t be swayed by my emotions anymore” . He came to that understanding while working under Father most likely .

“That is one reason, but it’s not only that . ”

“…What else is there?”

“When I was attracted to her, I moved on nothing else but emotion, similarly, I acted condescendingly to you who acted on her own emotions . You also have a heart of your own, and I failed to understand that your heart must have also been scarred . Knowing that, I’d like to apologize as a family member . ”

“… . ”

I had no words regarding Berne’s reason . I felt a bit cross that he noticed now, but I also felt a bit glad .

Ever since that ending, I couldn’t see Berne as a family member . During that time, during that moment, Berne had chosen Yuri over me .

In my previous life, I thought that siding with the girl you liked was obvious, but at the time my self as Iris was yelling, “Why… Why! Why do you not understand . I just loved him so much . Even you Berne, why would you throw me aside?” . I can understand my feelings more than I can understand myself . I sympathized with the yelling inside of me .

To be honest, I didn’t care so much about Dorsen or Van because they were less involved . But I felt different towards Prince Edward and Berne . Since I was engaged to Edward, I felt attached to him . As for Berne, he was my precious family member . And so when the two sided with her, I felt shocked that I had been tossed away so easily . Furthermore I was disgraced even further by the two .

I was denounced in front of a great number of people . It was good that my memories of my previous life resurfaced then, but if that had not occurred I may have fallen into a state of panic . Then and there, I also swore that I would never fall in love again, and on top of that I would never fully trust people . I was even thrown away by someone I considered family . The event that turned me into who I am made it so that I couldn’t simply forgive him .

The cold part of myself couldn’t help but think “It’s too late now”, but the other side of me wanted to forgive him .

“…I accept your apology; however, I cannot forgive you just yet . ”

If it was her… If it was Yuri, would she have forgiven him right away? A useless thought surged through me .

“That is enough for me . ”

With that, Berne took my apology as is .