Melly stood transfixed by the two cubes of fate as they flew before the crazed swashbuckler. The magic dice held an unknown power of uncontrollable absurdity. The cubes sailed across the deck bouncing once, twice, then rolling down the length of the ship before landing directly in front of Melly.

She looked down and saw painted skulls on each dice as the enchanted blocks teetered on an edge. Only the crack between the wooden boards prevented the disastrous outcome.

Thud!

An immense weight launched the ship skywards sending the dice up, over the railing and into empty space.

Melly sighed with relief.

“What was that?” Thea screamed.

“Squid!” shouted Rupert.

A massive red tentacle snaked its way over the port side of the ship.

“Kill it!” Derrick screamed as he lunged for the appendage. His axe bounced off harmlessly. The creature was just too massive.

Melly gave Clemiticus a glowering look. “Your damn dice nearly popped up with double skulls!”

“Oops!” he replied with a nervous chuckle then stabbed the tentacle with his cutlas, “I guess I’m still lucky?”

Bing!

Fairy flew above the raid party and announced happily, “Clemiticus has cast the bones!”

Melly glared at Clemiticus once more.

“Clemiticus’ raid party has received the temporary buff: Chaotic Mirror Party!”

“Chaotic what?” Nuecus asked.

Fairy ignored the thaumaturge and continued, “All raid party member’s shall have their highest and lowest statistics switched!”

“Bloody hell!” shouted Derrick as he swung his axe again at the tentacle, “What’s that mean exactly?”

“All members shall also receive temporary roles depending on the new stat allocations!” Explained Fairy in its most cheerful voice.

Bing!

“Melly has gained: Luck. Melly has received role: Dishonest Gambler.”

“Derrick has gained: Charm. Derrick has received role: Monster Lothario.”

“Thea has gained: Demolition. Thea has received role: Explosives Expert.”

“Nuecus has gained: Agility. Nuecus has received role: Martial Artist.”

They all turned to Clemiticus who strode behind the helm and replaced Rupert at the floating ships wheel. The swashbuckler grasped the wood feeling the ship under his control and smiled.

“Clemiticus has gained: Wisdom. Clemiticus has received role: Supreme Strategist.”

Derrick whistled, Thea smirked, Nuecus posed and Melly swore.

“All hands-on deck!” Clemiticus ordered, “Thea go downstairs and help our boys light up the calamari. Melly head to the bow and keep our way clear. Nuecus protect the deck.”

The old man twirled his stick in a whirlwind then nodded.

Clemiticus looked over to the dwarf, “Head to the stern and protect our rear from any sneak attacks.”

Fairy clapped once more and announced, “The Emperor Mercrab Lich has just cast the spell: Whirlpool of Undeath!”

“Fire!” Thea shouted from below.

Boom!

The tentacles recoiled as the remains of the squid fell back to the salty depths below.

Melly raced to the front of the ship. Peering over the edge she could make out the giant whirlpool that had formed around the orange monarch. Wind howled as the twisting deluge spiralled out of control sending a wretched stench upwards.

“Ugh! Yuck!” she grimaced with disgust.

The chaotic torrent below sent a jet of water towards the ship. It struck the red balloon above and splashed the deck with a pool full of new enemies. Turtles, sharks and Merkin covered the deck ready for battle.

“Defend the ship!” Clemiticus ordered.

Nuecus dived forward and bashed a nearby shark across the face with his stick then kicked the stunned creature overboard.

The closest Merkin growled at Melly then began to charge. She was about to nock her first arrow when the Merkin slipped and fell right past her back down into the ocean below. “This damn luck stat is way too strong,” she muttered to herself.

Derrick, defending the rear of the ship, had quickly found himself surrounded.

“Ah! What do I do Clem? My multi-tool is playing up.”

The device had shrunk back into a dull form. Derrick pressed its button and a plain spanner appeared.

“Damn! Your multi-tool has an intelligence requirement!” Clemiticus replied quickly, “Try blowing the turtles a cheeky little kiss.”

“Seriously?” the dwarf asked.

Clem nodded with a dopey grin and a disconcerting gleam in his eye. Derrick sighed and turned to the shelled creatures and blew them a kiss. To the dwarf’s surprise a pink burst of clouds hit the turtles who then immediately turned on their Merkin allies. Derrick laughed.

“What on Fanswald?” the dwarf said clearly bemused.

Boom!

The cannons below fired again sending shockwaves through the water below.

Dog stirred. A loud banging sound had woken him. The little whale stretched out leisurely and yawned. He was having such a great nap but it sounded to Dog as though his new friends were having a good time. Noisy little legged things, he thought as his bubble rose and wafted away from his waterproof bed. He swam down the hallway and saw a whole bunch of the crew racing around the gun deck.

“Good morning!” Dog said to his pirate friends as they zipped around inserting giant metal balls into long steel tubes. He didn’t particularly understand these creatures on two legs but he liked them all the same. Even if they acted a little whacky from time to time.

The girl called Thea ran past and placed her hand on one of the metallic balls saying, “Create explosion on impact!”

“Mistress Thea we only have a few dozen more shots,” one of the crewmen reported.

“Well then, let’s make them all count!” she replied then repeated, “Create explosion on impact!”

Dog wished that they wouldn’t make so many raucous boom boom noises. It was far too loud. The bubbled whale then decided that he was sick of the stinky powder of the gun deck and it was time to go upstairs. I wonder if Clemiticus is back? he thought.

Swimming up the stairs, Dog was met with an amazing display fit for a grand circus. Nuecus was twirling a stick while doing a forward flip while Melly was directing monsters who seemed to be having a diving competition off the ship beside her.

“Good morning!” he greeted the busy two legs.

The blue fairy hovered above and was spouting dramatic lines such as, “Nuecus has gained EXP, Derrick has charmed a sea eel.”

Everyone looked incredibly interesting. Dog looked up to see his ‘bestest’ friend Clemiticus at the wheel. He was pointing at the other two legs directing their dances with a look of determination on his face.

A jet of water flew across the deck and smacked the swashbuckler across the face sending his extravagant hat overboard.

“Noooooo!” Clemiticus cried.

Dog swam out to join the spectacle and heard the fairy announce:

Bing!

“Dog has been added to the raid party!”

“Dog has gained: Mana. Dog has received role: Aquatic Magician.”

Dog shrugged off this new bit of news and swam beside his best friend. Clemiticus was wringing the sea water from his hair when he spotted the floating whale.

“Aquatic Magician?” he asked.

“Good morning!” said Dog.

“Ah, morning mate,” Clemiticus answered the optimistic bubble whale then pointed at a Merkin. “Ah, Try squirting that thing over there!”

The creature was a bulbous stinky fish with arms and legs. It held out a sword and was running towards them.

Without a second thought a giant jet of water shot out from Dog’s bubble like a spear and struck the monster, sending it flying.

“That was easy,” said Dog with a goofy grin. “That was fun!”

“Want to do that again?” Clemiticus asked.

Dog nodded.

His swashbuckler friend pointed towards all the creatures around him, “Knock all the smelly ones off the ship!”

“Yay!” Dog cheered.

Bing!

“Clemiticus has gained EXP!”

“Melly has gained EXP!”

“Derrick has gained EXP!”

“Nuecus has gained EXP!”

“Dog has gained EXP!”

Melly loosed an arrow and was annoyed to see it miss yet another intended target. Instead of hitting an easy shot, the projectile flew past her foe only to bulls’ eye some other undead monstrosity. She couldn’t believe how much her loss of agility affected her aiming in archery. Clemiticus little magic trick had swapped out all of her accuracy for luck.

“Damn that idiot!” Melly shouted as another Merkin fell over themself to get to her. She kicked the screaming creature over the rail and went to grab her next arrow. But to her shock she had none left.

“Reeeeee!” a bow wielding Merkin shouted. It fumbled with its quiver and tripped over an angry sea eel, spilling its arrows over the deck and towards Melly’s feet.

“Now this is just getting ridiculous!”

Boom!

The cannons below shook the deck and forced the ship to tilt forward. Gravity worked its magic and collected the arrows into a conveniently neat pile.

Scooping the shafts off the deck she asked, “How is this not cheating?”

The confused arrowless Merkin archer only gurgled in response as a flying shark landed on the deck and crushed the poor pufferfish. Nuecus then used the shark’s momentum to send it back off the deck.

“Well done everyone!” Clemiticus shouted. “Let’s clear up the rest of the ‘adds’ and start working on the Boss!”

Nocking yet another inaccuracy arrow, Melly loosed her fury on the final Merkin warrior which missed. It somehow connected with Nuecuse’s staff. Rebounding it struck the Merkin’s flanks and it instantly keeled over the side.

Melly let out a sigh of frustration then stormed towards the helm.

“Oh good,” said Clemiticus. “I was just about to grab you.”

Melly huffed, “For what?”

Clemiticus directed her to the wheel and signalled her to turn the vessel around. Melly turned the wheel causing the ship to bank to one side. They watched the temper tantrum of the orange Emperor in clear view. The sea water around the Mercrab had receded, revealing every direct hit Thea’s explosive cannon had landed.

“Fairy,” Clemiticus called to his azure announcer, “it looks like we can’t harm the big guy.”

The fairy nodded then pointed towards the horizon, “Looks like you will have to beat the tide to the ocean.”

Clemiticus fished out the Ocean Pearl from his pocket and stared at its iridescent surface.

Mumbling he said, “All we need to do to win is beat the water…”

Melly angled the ship towards the horizon as she watched the swashbuckler who was deep in concentration.

He looks like he’s properly thinking. This can’t be good, Melly thought.

A wicked smile appeared on Clemiticus’ face.

“Derrick!” Clemiticus shouted.

“Yeah?’

“Send your new love-stricken minions towards the Emperor. We need to slow him down.”

“Aye! Aye!”

“Nuecus! Tell Thea to use the last of her shots on the rear guns only!”

The thaumaturge nodded then leaped towards the stairs and vanished below.

“Dog!” Clemiticus pointed to the red balloon.

“Yes buddy?”

“Get behind the fluffy red cushion and shoot your magic water until there’s none left!”

The whale soared towards the red balloon and began its water propulsion.

“And Melly, our lucky charm!” Clemiticus said confidently.

She gripped the wheel tighter, “Yeah?”

“Bring me the horizon!”