It was going to be a day to remember.

Count Victar Leer stood on the balcony of his imposing manor, which overlooked the harbour below. He was a portly man with thin, balding hair. A handsome statue accompanied him on the balcony. His deluded, perfect self-image.

It was mid-afternoon, and he was watching the townspeople of Anchorside going about their daily business. They rushed around, clearing up their lunches and collecting their things. It was time to go back to work.

"Little slaves," he muttered to himself with a wicked smile.

Sunlight danced over the vast expanse of ocean as far as the horizon. The usually busy harbour was empty except for one vessel. The Leer’s Pride. A gigantic four-storey ship that his father had commissioned seven years prior. It had originally been a transport ship, meant to ferry wealth and aid to those in need around Fanswald. The re-branded military galley was now ready for a new mission, one much more sinister. The Count's time had finally come.

A grin washed over his face as he mentally ran through every minute detail of the plan. He had been preparing for this day for over a decade. Once it had been his grandfather's scheme, and now it was his. His gaze trailed over the harbour. There lay the first step of his plan. The empty stockades were to receive an unwilling occupant. The man soon to be executed, was the last thorn in his side.

Edgar Patsy, his accountant, was an innocent and cheerful young man who had crunched all the numbers and given Leer the necessary information to complete his plan. Unfortunately, Edgar knew too much. Victar had blackmailed the poor sod into following his orders in secret. If not, Edgar’s beautiful wife would pay the ultimate price. Victar chuckled at the empty threat.

He would never hurt such a beauty. Edgar didn’t deserve her. She would be his and soon, so would the rest of this unruly land. With his father out of the picture, one could of stop him now.

"Sir?" Jacob, his trusty butler, stood by his side and bowed. "The sheriff has arrested Edgar Patsy and charged him with murder."

"Good." Victar smiled. "And no one suspects your involvement?"

The butler shook his head. “None alive.”

"Good. Ready the guards, it's time to begin."

"Yes, sir!"

The butler turned and disappeared into the manor. Victar waited and watched the busy ants in the harbour below. Ten minutes passed, then a herald with a long purple sash over one shoulder approached the stockade.

"Greetings one and all. Edgar Patsy has been found guilty of murder and treason! He was caught red-handed, conspiring with the leader of Bluehill town to capture and enslave the people of Anchorside. He has been sentenced to death by hanging."

Gasps echoed as shouts of protest were voiced throughout the open space. It was time for Victar to make his triumphant entrance. By the time he had arrived, the entire town had crowded around the town square.

"Edgar Patsy has been conspiring with the Mayor of Bluehill town. Because of this threat, martial law is in effect. Conscription into a preemptive militia has been approved by the Count."

Victar smiled and climbed the high stage above the townspeople. His personal soldiers grunted as they helped push his weight upwards.

"Count!" a woman's voice shouted pleadingly. "My husband. Say it isn’t so."

The beautiful blonde woman fought her way through the crowd to intercept him. Victar looked down at her with an expression he thought was kindness and leered down her top. He could not help but admire her pretty face and her slender waist.

"I'm afraid it is true, my dear. Saw the whole thing myself." He gave out a sigh of sadness. His performance was perfect.

"But Edgar was with me all night," she cried. "He couldn’t have done it."

Victar blanched and thought quickly. "It ah. Happened this morning."

"He was at work." She stated flatly.

Victar shook his head. "He deceived both of us, Sandra. I hope in time we will both be able to live with this atrocious betrayal. Together maybe?"

He looked at her skeptical expression. ‘Why didn’t she believe him?’ He wondered. ‘It mattered little however, you will be mine soon, regardless.’ A wicked smile came to his fleshy lips. A warm feeling of true happiness flooded his heart as he felt all his planning finally pay off.

Victar Leer walked the few remaining steps and stood atop his stage. Edgar Patsy knelt bound and gagged, ready for his end.

This was it.

"Edgar no!" Sandra screamed.

The enormous crowd ambled closer. Many of the faces looked horrified. One, however, did not in the slightest. Victar did not recognise him.

Ignoring the man Victar continued his speech.

"We will soon rid ourselves of the evil that is Bluehill town. They have spread their damn poverty throughout this great nation of ours. We will take the town from the vile Fredreek and punish all those who would enslave our people!" he announced in triumphantly. Victar closed his eyes and waited for the people to cheer.

"That makes no sense!" A voice shouted in the crowd. It came from the stranger.

Victar froze in place. This was not part of his plan. He scanned the crowd, quickly spotting the man from before. He was wearing a large-brimmed hat topped with a white feather. 'A pirate?' He thought. He was handsome, blonde, and obviously arrogant.

"Who is that man?" he asked his butler, who had hurried to his side.

Jacob shook his head in confusion. "No. No idea, sire. He seems to be a pirate."

"I can see that!" Leer spat back.

Murmurs echoed throughout the crowd.

"I thought you said we should sneak through the crowd?" a woman's voice spoke indignantly.

The pirate turned to face some more people behind him and waved off their concerns.

"Calm down Melly!"

"You, there!" All heads turned as Victar pointed towards the pirate. "Who are you to question, the Count of Anchorside?"

The man turned back and smiled cheerfully. He looked delighted at the question and skipped his way through the parting crowd, hopping lightly up onto the stockades. The man was clearly born for the spotlight.

"Why thank ye' sir!" he spoke flippantly. "You claim that this Fredreek fellow wants to attack and enslave this town here?"

Victar stared at the intruder. "Yes, I do. We have evidence that Fredreek himself sent a messenger this very morning to this man here." He pointed at Edgar. "We found the message on this murderer, that Fredreek will attack us soon."

The bound and gagged accountant shook his head violently.

"Edgar!" screamed Sandra.

The pirate laughed. "HA! Fat chance bucko."

Victar gave the man a look that could kill. "How dare you address me you scoundrel? Who are you!"

The stranger took off his absurdly large hat and bowed deeply. "I am Clemiticus the Splendiferous. At your service." Clem looked at the crowd. "Firstly, Fredreek is dead. And yes, it was an accident. Secondly, there's no way the prisoner has killed anyone. Just look at the man. Thirdly, your name is flashing red, so you're probably the next bad guy. And fourthly, you sound like a douche."

A blue light flashed above, and the crowd flinched. "You are correct master." A blue fairy sang. "This man is a douche. A new side quest has been activated. Defeat the evil Count and save the people of Anchorside from his evil plot."

Victar sputtered with incredulity. "Evil? Plot?"

The crowd stared at the count. A look of confusion spread throughout the crowd then outrage.

"But he's a pirate. Why would you listen to..?" Victar stumbled. "How? Guards! Kill the damn pirate!"

Screams and shouts reverberated from every corner of the town square as the crowd surged forward. The soldiers pulled their swords free and moved to defend their count.

"Edgar!" Sandra called out.

"Clemiticus! You dumbass!" Melly shouted.

"Guards kill! Pirate bad!" Victar spluttered.

A few of Victar’s men ignored the angry crowd and surrounded the pirate instead. They pointed their blades at their flamboyant target. Clemiticus nodded casually and fumbled with his belt. He drew his pistol and pointed it at the Count’s head.

"Wait, wait!" Victar commanded.

Clemiticus ignored the Count’s plea and fired. Point blank.

"Clemiticus has missed," the blue fairy announced. The bullet sailed harmlessly overhead and bounced off a random stone wall.

"Clemiticus has learned firearms level beginner."

"Clemiticus has learned the ability ricochet."

"Seriously?" Clemiticus complained.

"What’s the damn point of a gun if you can't fire the darn thing!" Melly exploded.

Victar blinked. He couldn’t believe his luck. "Ha, ha!" he shouted nervously. "Attack the fool!"

The soldiers charged, their blades surging forward. However, neither tip nor edge touched the pirate's body. Clemiticus dodged with the speed and elegance of a drunken sea shanty dance.

“Soldier's attack has missed due to Clemiticus’ luck statistic.”

"Kill him!" Victar roared as the soldiers repeatedly missed.

"Whoa," Clemiticus shouted. "What's going on, fairy?"

The fairy flew in front of Clemiticus and the soldiers backed off bewildered.

"Your firearm accuracy is at level one. Which means you have a ninety-five percent chance of missing until you learn the firearms level intermediate."

"Uh, huh?" Clemiticus mumbled.

"And your luck has decreased your chance to be hit while you are in combat. It’s a trait of a swashbuckler when on land."

"Nice!" Clemiticus smiled. "Do I have any special abilities?"

The fairy shrugged. "Search your pockets, maybe?"

"Um, sure," Clemiticus dug his hand into his pocket and pulled out an old set of mouldy dice.

"Roll them?" the fairy added.

Clemiticus shrugged and rolled the dice as the soldiers looked on in utter confusion.

"Clemiticus has cast the bones."

"Clemiticus has gained a temporary Pirate ability."

"Clemiticus has gained ‘Ultimate Ricochet’."

"Oh, that sounds fun." Clemiticus chuckled and pointed his pistol once more at the Count.

Victar laughed and crossed his arms. "Going to miss again?"

Clemiticus smiled arrogantly. "Hey, come on. I got to try this out!"

Clemiticus fired.

“Clemiticus has missed the target,” Fairy stated helpfully.

The shot flew past the Count's ear, missing him by a clear margin.

The bullet bounced off a sign, then a pitchfork, then clunked squarely into the helmet of a random soldier. The inaccurate projectile whistled as it bounced repeatedly over and over again. The crowd of people all sank to the ground as the bullet sailed harmlessly overhead. The bullet continued three more times before times knocking over a soldier on its final bounce.

Clemiticus shrugged and fired again and again.

“Clemiticus has missed the target.”

“Clemiticus has missed the target.”

“What the hell Clem?” Melly shouted ducking for cover.

The bullets ricocheted, hitting every available surface. Clemiticus' Luck stat was working overtime as another guard wailed in pain while clutching his rump.

Click, click, click.

"Clemiticus has run out of bullets." Fairy sang cheerfully.

Victar opened his eyes and examined himself for cuts or scrapes. He let out a bark of laughter. He had not been hit a single time.

"All that racket and not a single shot hit its mark." The Count jeered, then paused. None of his men were still standing. They had all been knocked out cold. Victars jaw dropped.

None of this made sense. Victar scanned the crowd. The civilians were also unharmed.

Victar panicked and dove off the stage. He had to get away. However, that proved to be his ultimate mistake. As he landed, arms grabbed him. His overpriced robes tore as the enraged civilians held him down.

“I’ve seen this scene somewhere before,” remarked Clemiticus.

"Wait, who are you?" The Count screamed as the crowd ripped at him from every angle. Within seconds, they had torn his robes to shreds.

"Guards?" Victar pleaded. The Count turned to see a slender woman in tight black leather hop up onto the stage. A few of the soldiers had repaired their senses and were now facing the leather courtesan warrior.

"Ow!" Leer screamed at the villagers. "Do you know who I am?"

Melly kicked the conscious soldiers into the crowd, pointedly ignoring the Count's pleas for help.

"Can we get going now?" she asked the pirate.

"Clemiticus’ party has defeated the evil Count Leer. All party members have received thirty percent experience points."