Xi Logo and Waifu, our two mask-wearing husband and wife heroes, stared deeply at the brown object in the ground before them.

The Root Vine was here.

I won’t bore you with the details of how they got here, so just trust me when I say, they got here to the Root Vine okay? Okay.

“It’s the Root Vine...” Wifey said quietly, and helpfully in case readers accidentally started with the fourth paragraph due to skimming, though I am sure nobody among this story’s readers skim; they all read very carefully and make sure to absorb all of the information as best as they can. But just in case.

“Are we to destroy it?” Xi Logo asked. “That’s what the Matriarch asked of us, after all. To prevent Yue Ji from obtaining ultimate power.

“But we can’t and won’t,” said Wifey. “You saw what happened with the California Raisins.”

“Indeed I did, but what else can we do? Let Yue Ji gain the exact same power as Kiwi and Budou?” Xi Logo in particular was very hurt by the way his friends had suddenly emerged as ethereal beings composed of energy and without much of humanity left in them (or so he thought—in fact, they had MORE humanity in them than anyone else on all of Wuweizi). Budou, the dumbass who thought he was very clever, and Kiwi, the single-minded simpleton... These two were always such good sports and adventuring companions. He always suspected that the three of them might be together forever, perhaps even in a three-way relationship except that all three of them were heterosexual so that was impossible anyway.

But now... After Xi Logo and Nan Gua (Wifey, if you somehow don’t remember, I mean come on) had married and then Kiwi and Budou disappeared for a couple hours under unexplained conditions, so much had changed. It was like a completely different world where everything had shifted.

Budou and Kiwi were now System Masters, and had taken the place of the Babylon Sisters to become the New Realm Lords. Wuweizi would never understand, but it would eventually be forced to accept just as they all did when a new deity or pair of deities took control. These things simply happened sometimes, and the reasons why were inscrutable and immediately lost to time.

Were they benevolent? Neutral? Malignant? Manevolent? Ambivalent? Circumvent? Circumspect? Retrospect? Retrofuture? It was hard to tell, even for someone who used to be close friends with the pair.

They had to be stopped... or not. Maybe not?

Either way...

“You’re right,” Xi Logo said. “We can’t destroy the Vine Root. Our Vine Magic must be preserved as much as possible. For all the power Kiwi and Budou have, they do not have vines, and that’s what counts.”

“I heard that, before they were killed and turned to dust, the Babylon Sisters were researching vines,” said Wifey.

“Where did you hear that? You’ve been next to me the entire time and we haven’t spoken to anyone.”

“Doesn’t matter. Let us then do with the Vine Root what always must be done with roots.”

“What’s that?”

“Consumption.”

“I see. We eat the root.”

“Together, as husband and wife.”

“Husband and Wifey, you mean.”

“Whatever you say, XiXi.” Wifey cleared her throat. “Now to perform the blessing:

“Vine vines vine vine vine vine vines vine vine vines vines vine vines vines vine vine vine vines vines vine vine vines vine vines vine vines vines vines vine vine vines vines vine vines vines vines vine vine vines vines vine vine vines vine vine vine vine vine vine vines vines vines vine vines vine vine vine vines vines vine vines vine vine vine vine vines vines vine vine vines vine vines vine vine vines vine vine vine vine vine vine vines vine vines vine vine vines vine vine vines vines vine vines vines vines vines vine vines vines vine vines vines vines vines vine vines vines vines vine vines vine vine vine vine vines vine vine vine vine vine vine vines vine vines vine vines vines vine vine vines vines vine vines vine vine vines vine vines vines vine vines vines vines vine vine vines vines vine vine vines vine vines vine vine vines vine vine vine vine vine vine vines vine vines vine vine vines vines vine vines vines vine vines vines vines vines vine vine vines vine vine vine vine vine vine vines vine vines vine vines vines vines vine vines vines vine vine vines vine vines vine vine vines vine vine vine vine vine vine vines vine vine vine vine vines vines vine vines vines vine vine vine vine vines vine vines vines vine vines vines vines vine vine vine vines vine vine vine vine vine vine vines vine vine vine vines vine vines vine vines vines vine vine vine vine vines vine vines vines vines vine vines vine vine vine vine vines vine vine vine vine vine vine vines vine vine vines vine vine vines vine vines vines vines vine vines vine vine vine vine vines vine vine vine vine vine vine vines vine vines vine vine vine vine vine vines vines vine vines vines vine vine vine vines vines vine vine vines vine vines vine vines vines vine vine vine vine vines vine vines vines vines vine vine vines vines vine vines vines vine vine vines vine vines.”

The root flashed and then scorched itself into a crispy, soft, delectable treat.

“That was a really long blessing,” said Xi Logo.

“I had a lot to say.”

“Can we eat?”

“Yep.”

Well, in Ghebville they say- that their small daos grew three sizes that day. and then - the true meaning of vines came through, and the couple found the strength of ten vines, plus two!

Since the Root Vine was not destroyed, but eaten, it actually ENHANCED the vine power, not lessened it. All vine users were now stronger by large multipliers, which was really cool honestly.

And, suddenly, without any clarity before, Xi Logo actually understood everything that the vine spells were saying. It all made sense now!

Too bad the readers weren’t given the translations, but oh well.

Xi Logo turned to his wife and spake a spell:

“Vine vines vine vine vines vine vine vines vine vine vines vine vine vine vine vine vine vines vine vine vines vines vine vine vine vines vines vine vines vines vines vines vine vines vines vines vine vines vines vine vine vines vines vine vine vines vine vines vine vine vines vine vine vine vine vine vine vines vine vines vines vine vine vines vine vines vines vine vines vines vines vines vine vines vines vines vine vines vine vines.”

Wifey turned to Xi Logo and, probably blushing under the mask, replied by spaking:

“Vine vines vine vine vines vine vine vines vine vine vines vine vine vine vine vine vine vines vine vine vines vines vine vine vine vines vines vine vines vines vines vines vine vines vines vines vine vines vines vine vine vines vines vine vine vines vine vines vine vine vines vine vine vine vine vine vine vines vine vines vines vine vine vines vine vines vines vine vines vines vines vines vine vines vines vines vine vines vine vines vine vine vines vine vine vine vine vine vine vines vine vines vine vines vine vine vine vines vines vine vines vines vines vines vine vines vines vine vines vines vines vines.”

Then, with the power of vines inside them... They went home.