《Cultivine》Vines

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“I think vines are more 'woven' together than 'stitched',” said the Babylon Sister Koko.

“I disagree,” said the Babylon Sister Pi. “I think that you are completely disregarding the lost Art of the Vine Sewing Technique.”

“Well, if it’s lost, then it means nobody uses it anymore, right?”

“I guess, in a way.”

The Babylon Sisters were pretty lame, not very good point of view characters at all. I’m not sure what idiot thought they would be fun to focus on, because neither Pi nor Koko were anything special at all. Sure, they were Deities that held the title of Lordess over the entire realm, the world of Wueweizi (a name that they themselves consistently forgot due to reasons unknown and unexplained by the story itself), but did that actually make them interesting to look into? Did they really have character arcs and archetypes to examine for any literary purpose? Did they serve any major function in the story or have any allegorical purpose for existing?

No.

They had none of that, because they were boring as shit. Maybe, if the story was popular enough, there could be some out-of-place, out-of-character R-18 chapter where the two sisters decided to find some mortal target to romance in a story beat that was very tangentially related to vines and vinery, but it was very doubtful that the fans were loyal and appreciative enough to actually allow the author to bother making that R-18 chapter to begin with.

“How do we become more interesting?” Pi, the flat-chested*, unlucky-in-love one asked. (*she was certainly still an adult, far beyond that, so she of course had fully developed secondary sexual characteristics, but we are talking about the anime terms here since most readers for this story are nerds and weeaboos.) “Do we have any chance of rising up the ranks in the reader polls like Hei Mei, even though everyone is kinda creepy about her which means that the reader polls aren’t quite worth it sometimes?”

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“They’re worth it to the FBI, at least,” Koko, the big-boobed (and also very much an adult) one said, hopefully. “Right now, I don’t care about becoming an interesting character, to be honest. I care more about researching the Lost Technique of Vine Quilting, so that we can blanket the entire sky, literally, with vines.”

“But we follow the soul crystal system, sister,” said Pi. “We can’t simply switch to the Vine system as if the soul crystal system was some irrelevant piece of garbage. Who would maintain it in our absence?”

“Who the hell cares? Vines are way more popular, so that means we need to focus our branding strategy entirely around the vines. Ain’t nobody care about soul crystals.”

“Good point.”

Then, an explosion—

“WE CARE.”

Two glowing, radiating, extremely angry figures emerged.

Budou and Kiwi!!!! Again!!!!!

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