From Gamer Gril

tex?

To Gamer Gril

what's up

From Gamer Gril

there's a problem

To Gamer Gril

emergency kinda problem?

From Gamer Gril

not a time sensitive one

From Gamer Gril

it's hard to explain. can we meet early?

Tex looked at the time to see that it was noon. After navigating to the group chat, he sent another text.

To Work Group

i know we weren't supposed to meet until midnight, but is there any chance yall can meet before that?

It took everyone about ten minutes to respond.

From Grand Jackass

how long would we be meeting?

Gamer Gril has changed group name from Work Group to Garage Band

To Garage Band

ask Tala. it's her idea

From Gamer Gril

not long. less than an hour, hopefully

From Junji

I am open at eight.

Gamer Gril has changed Junji's name to Spoodge King

From Spoodge King

What is a spoodge?

From Grand Jackass

i can't do anything till nine

From Gamer Gril

compromise. we'll meet at eight thirty

Grand Jackass has changed group name from Garage Band to Garbage Band

Gamer Gril has changed Grand Jackass's name to Supreme Jackass

From Supreme Jackass

hey

To Garbage Band

i'll see yall at nine

Nine came quickly enough, with Tex passing the time with his self-care ritual of a movie, a bubble bath, a half hour of depraved masturbation, and another bubble bath. Thankfully, no one was late and they were able to start at just five minutes after nine.

"So what's the deal?" Tex asked.

Tala fished the Pain Finder Thing from her bag and set it next to her laptop. Tex watched over her shoulder as she zoomed in on a large red dot to reveal a Portland address.

"I don't get it." said Barton.

"This address is for an apartment complex." Tala explained.

"...What?"

Tala used her laptop to look up the address on Google maps, confronting Tex with the image of a lavish apartment building.

"I don't understand how this is a problem." Junji said.

"The radar can only give us a location on the x and z axes." Tala replied. "It can't pinpoint vertical location, so we're kinda screwed if the place is multi-resident."

"Oh."

"It usually ain't a problem, cause you need a big space to tetragram." Tex explained.

"But these are upscale apartments." Tala replied.

"What do we do?"

Tala didn't answer. Fear began to prickle in Tex's stomach at the thought of having to leave some poor souls trapped inside some dipshit's computer to suffer.

"We could cause a mass power outage." Junji suggested. "That might solve the problem for a short time."

"Or we could just bomb Portland." Barton replied.

Tex darted his gaze between the screen of the laptop and the screen of the pain radar. Suddenly, he was struck with an idea.

"Wait." said Tex.

"What?" Tala replied.

"The red dot's been blinking on and off, right?"

"Yes."

"Which usually means that they only got the program on when they're home."

"Why wouldn't you keep the program running?" asked Junji.

"Maybe your computer isn't powerful enough to do it." Barton answered. "Or maybe you want to play an active role as an eternal deity in torturing your subjects."

"Like old testament God." Tala replied.

"So if it's only acting up when he's there," Tex continued, "we could prolly figure out who it is from watching people enter the building."

With a little hum, Tala nodded her head.

"That's a good idea." she replied.

"Yeah, but we'd have to watch it for days." Tex muttered.

"Hmm..."

"What?"

"I could film both the screen of my computer while it observes the front of this building and the screen of the Pain Finder Thing with the same camera. Then I could speed up the footage and watch for correlation between discomfort spikes and people who enter the building."

Along with everyone else, Tex nodded thoughtfully.

"Let's say..." Tala followed. "Three days?"

"Sounds good." Tex replied. "We'll meet again on Sunday."

The meeting wrapped up quickly. Tex took a seat at the table with a cup of coffee in the hopes that it would clear his head.

He almost didn't notice when Junji approached him.

"Hello." Junji greeted.

"Oh, hi." Tex replied. "How's it going?"

"Would you like to go somewhere with me?"

"Where?"

"I don't know."

Tex squinted in confusion.

"After the museum, you agreed with my desire to form some sort of--deal of companionship." Junji explained. "If that agreement was made in pity, please inform me now so we can pretend this conversation never--"

"Oh, no. I was just confused by the way you'd asked. Sure, let's go somewhere."

"Where would you like to go?"

"Not sure. How bout you choose?"

Upon hearing Tex's answer, Junji's expression began to twist itself with distress. Twenty seconds of dead silence passed before Tex realized he should probably just spit out the first thing that popped into his head.

"Let's go to my place." he offered.

After charging the both of them five dollars each, Barton was kind enough to give them a ride to their apartment building. Tex kept up with Junji as they jogged up the stairs and even managed not to pant too hard as he opened the stairwell door to his floor.

"This is where I live." Tex said as he stopped Junji in front of his room.

Junji took a cautious step inside the room after the door was unlocked and opened for him. Tex followed and shut the door behind them.

"It is...clean enough." Junji announced.

"Thanks."

Junji watched in mild confusion as Tex flopped over on his couch and clunked his feet up on the table.

"What?" asked Tex.

"My apologies. I did not believe it when I was told Americans kept their shoes on in their homes."

Hit with a sudden wave of amusement, Tex broke a smile.

"Do it bother you?" he asked.

"As long as you do not expect me to do the same."

"Do whatever the hell you want."

Junji reached for the zipper of his pants.

"Anything but that." Tex followed, quick as he could. "Jesus is watching."

Tex pointed to the spot on the wall where the Jesus painting usually was before realizing that he'd taken it down for his masturbation session. Luckily, Junji seemed to miss the gesture and only scoffed at the words.

"I will sit." Junji said as he removed his hands from his zipper.

It was at that moment that Tex's curiosity finally peaked, although he waited until Junji had taken a seat on the other end of the couch and folded his hands in his lap before opening his mouth.

"Hey, uh," Tex stumbled, "there's something I just gotta ask."

"Then ask."

"I don't think you're gonna like it too much."

"You could ask me if I was the child of two disgraced whores and I would not mind."

"...Why not?"

Junji's eyebrows scrunched together as he thought.

"I've no quarrel with whores." he answered. "Although that was not supposed to be my point."

"What about disgraced--whores?"

"Why are they disgraced?"

Tex scratched his chin as he thought.

"None of this is relevant." Junji followed with a little sigh. "What I am trying to say is that you're not going to hurt me unless you turn into my mother and call me a failure."

"Uh."

"What is your question?"

"Are you a pervert?"

Out of all the responses Junji could have given, a sharp laugh was pretty low on the list of what Tex had been expecting.

"I don't think myself a pervert." answered Junji.

"Sounds like something a pervert would say." Tex replied.

"What do you think a pervert is?"

"Um..."

"Someone sexually detrimental to society?"

"Yeah. Let's go with that."

"Then whether or not I am a pervert would be dependent on what sexual acts you consider detrimental to society."

Tex squinted his eyes in confusion. He understood what Junji was saying, but was suspicious that he was dodging the question.

"Many people would consider me a pervert." Junji followed.

"Many people?"

"Many people would consider many people perverts."

Tex supposed that Junji had a point.

"Do you consider not being exclusive to heterosexuality a sign of perversion?" Junji asked.

"No."

"What about non-monogamy? Or lust for someone who isn't a virgin."

"I ain't a prude."

"Then what would you consider to be perverted?"

Tex saw no reason not to give an honest answer.

"Doing--kids." he replied. "And forcing it out of people."

Junji hummed in amusement.

"What?" asked Tex.

"That is very basic."

After he'd finished speaking, Junji gave no indication that he had anymore to say. Tex widened his eyes a little in expectation, but Junji stayed silent.

"So?" Tex finally asked.

"So what?"

"Do you--do those things?"

"Oh. No."

Junji's words gave Tex an immediate sense of comfort. Still, he had a few more questions.

"Why do you talk so much about sex?" Tex pushed.

"When have I talked about sex?"

"You said you liked looking at erotic art."

"Do you not?"

Once again, Junji had made a good point. Although Tex had no intention of admitting it.

"You seem troubled." Junji followed.

"When you're open about wanting sex, people are gonna guess you think about sex a lot."

"I do think about sex a lot. I ask again, do you not?"

"Never said I didn't. But folks are gonna think you'd try to force it from people."

"Why would they think that?"

Tex couldn't think of a good response. The answer just seemed so obvious to him that he didn't know how to explain it.

"Society," Junji followed with a tiny twitch in his eyebrow, "has come to many interesting conclusions. I have no intentions of allowing the ones that I find particularly foolish to affect how I live my life."

"What are you, some kind of liberal or something?"

"What's a liberal?"

"A type of cheese."

"Then no."

Tex wasn't sure why he had told Junji that a liberal was a type of cheese, but he supposed he didn't care enough to correct himself. So he dropped the subject and turned his attention towards making his guest feel at home.

"You want some tea?" Tex asked.

"I would love some tea."

Tex wandered into his kitchenette. After pulling out two cups, he opened the little cupboard above the sink.

"What kinda tea you want?" he pushed.

"What do you have?" Junji replied.

"All I got is ginger."

"Then why did you ask me what kind I wanted?"

"You want honey?"

"I would like honey."

Tex pulled out the box of ginger tea and set it next to the cups. When he returned to the cupboard, he discovered his honey bottle had run dry.

"I don't have honey." Tex admitted.

"Of course you don't."

After a moment of thought, Tex realized he didn't want to drink tea without honey.

"Let's go get some." said Tex.

"You want to go shopping?"

"There's a Safeway across the street."

"It's ten."

"Yeah, and it's open til three."

Junji didn't put up any more of a fight as Tex made his way over to the door. Tex waited patiently for Junji to put his shoes back on and locked the door behind them as they left, even though they would likely be gone for less than a half hour.

"Sorry." Tex explained. "Feeling a little restless."

"It is alright. I like to exercise."

"Yeah, I can see that."

Junji didn't reply, which only made Tex regret his words more than he'd already had.

"Thanks for coming to our meeting on Wednesday." Tex followed once they'd gotten to the stairwell.

"You don't need to thank me. I will do what is required of me."

"Nothing's required. Kinda the whole point."

After a second of silence, Junji let out a huff that was so deeply soaked in disapproval that Tex had to chuckle.

"I will live." Junji grunted.

"What did you think of us?"

"I thought you were a very Randian bunch."

Although it was more subtle this time, Junji's tone still indicated distaste.

"I wouldn't go that far..." Tex replied.

"You wouldn't?"

"I ain't too big on her."

"Really. What is your quarrel?"

"Well, I don't hate her. Think she was probably smarter than me."

Junji cleared his throat.

"I just don't guess we oughtta be--controlled." Tex explained. "By some elite."

"And why do you not guess this?"

Tex let out a short chuckle at Junji's word choice.

"You're welcome." Junji followed.

"Have I ever told you who the most exceptional person I ever met was?" asked Tex.

"No. Who?"

"It was a lady named Bertha. You could give her any math question from arithmetic to calculus, and she'd spit the answer right out."

"And...?"

"And she couldn't zip up her own pants."

Junji didn't respond, but Tex could tell he understood.

"Now, we didn't have all them fancy calculators." Tex continued. "We--"

"How poor were you?" Junji asked.

"--needed her and she needed us."

"Ah."

"I think people work better together. I just reckon it should be--voluntary."

"So you are an anarcho-communist."

Tex chewed on the inside of his mouth and snickered darkly to himself. As they passed through into the entrance of the store, he did his best to lower his voice.

"I like you a lot." said Tex.

"Pardon?"

"I like you a lot. Think you're real fun to be around."

"But?"

"If you ever call me a commie again, I'm pushing you into the street."

Junji shot Tex a look, presumably to see if he was serious. Tex gave him a glance back to show that he wasn't but also was.

"I do think that some people are just gonna be more useful than others." Tex followed. "But I don't think we're always gonna be able to guess who it is. We've been wrong so many times before."

"I wholeheartedly agree."

"Really? Thought you were pro-eugenics."

"What does eugenics have to do with this?"

Tex thought it best not to comment.

"What are your political opinions?" Junji followed. "In your own words."

It didn't take Tex long to form a response.

"They're pretty straightforward." he answered. "You wanna smoke yourself to death? That's your right. You wanna marry three people? That's your right."

"I--"

"You wanna invent a new super virus that'll wipe out ninety percent of the population? That's your right. You wanna stop someone from inventing a new super virus that'll wipe out ninety percent of the population? That's your right."

With a little hum, Junji twisted his mouth in thought.

"How would you color the prevention of someone else's creation of a super virus different than a regulation?" asked Junji.

"You just--do it. Not cause some king or paper is telling you that you should, but because you want to."

Junji said nothing. Tex found himself searching back to the beginning of their conversation.

"What do you think of her?" Tex wondered. "Mrs. Rand."

"Individualism and anarchy?"

"Yeah."

"Two wrongs don't make a right."

Tex let out a short chuckle. Junji joined him after a second, although only for a moment.

"As for objectivism," Junji continued, "I would prefer to indulge myself on a pig."

"Which you...don't wanna do, right?"

"Yes. I suspect I would have a difficult time indulging myself on a pig."

"You suspect?"

"I've never tried."

They found the honey by the jam and peanut butter. Tex watched as Junji's eyes zeroed in on a fancy looking jar that advertised itself as 'natural', and 'ethically harvested'.

"Ugh." Junji groaned.

"What?" Tex asked.

"Natural honey."

"What about it?"

"Natural. As opposed to what?"

"Artificial."

Junji sneered.

"So when bees make honey, it's natural." said Junji. "But when humans make it, it's artificial."

Tex let out a small hum of amusement. Junji's tone was comically aggravated.

"Think it's called artificial cause it's a result of society," Tex explained, "which is a construct, or something..."

"Do bees not have society?"

Tex supposed Junji had a point. Still, he thought it best to argue.

"Reckon we might be thinking too hard about it." he replied. "The reason the word natural gets used is cause it's an easy way to tell someone that it weren't made in a lab."

"What is the benefit of that?"

"Folks are gonna trust eating shit that humans have been eating for thousands of years more than something that got invented last Friday."

"'Nature' has created many harmful compounds herself. And many safe compounds have been created in laboratories."

"Folks are gonna trust eating shit that humans have been eating for thousands of years more than something that got invented last Friday by a guy trying to save a few pennies."

Junji shot another look at the jar of honey.

"So there is an anti-corporate angle." Junji stated.

"Yup."

"Being monetized."

"Yup."

Tex stared at the jar of honey. A cartoon bee ethically euthanizing itself smiled back.

"In any case." Junji started. "I believe the label to be dangerous."

"Why?"

"It supports arrogance."

"How?"

"The idea that we are somehow above nature, that we are somehow separate from the rest of the animal kingdom, does that not seem unjustifiably arrogant to you?"

Junji's tone indicated that he was genuinely hurt by the existence of the idea, which Tex found more amusing that he probably should have.

"And not only is it arrogant, but it is a lie." Junji followed. "Society should not be lied to."

To Tex's surprise, he found himself completely persuaded.

"You know what?" Tex said. "I agree with you."

"It's funny you would say that." Junji replied.

"Why?"

"Because I have changed my mind."

"Why've you changed your mind?"

"For society to never be lied to, everything would have to be public knowledge."

"...And?"

"And there would be nothing to keep society from crumbling back to cannibalism and feces-slinging contests. What else would I have meant?"

Unable to help himself, Tex began to snicker. He couldn't remember the last time he'd heard something so cynical and naive, but he was sure it had also been from Junji.

"What's so funny?" asked Junji.

"Would you start throwing your shit around if no one was there to stop you?"

"Of course not. What would I have to gain?"

"So why do you think other people are gonna do it?"

Junji let out a scoff of aristocratic proportions.

"A lack of class." he answered. "I was one of very few who received a proper upbringing."

"I don't got class. You think I'm just gonna shit in my hand and start tossing?"

"No. But you are an impressive man."

"Yeah, it's real impressive."

By the time they'd gotten back to Tex's apartment, Junji had squeezed at least a fifth of the honey bottle directly into his mouth.

"I missed dinner." Junji explained.

Tex took the bottle from Junji so that he could make their tea. While the water was still in the microwave, he squirted a teaspoon of honey into his own mouth.

"Goddamn." he muttered.

After returning from the kitchenette, Tex found that Junji had seated himself back on the couch. Tex set both cups of tea down on the coffee table and joined him.

"You like movies?" Tex asked.

"It depends on the movie."

"You wanna watch one?"

"Alright."

Tex didn't feel like pirating a movie or supporting Amazon, so he made a grab for the basket of DVDs under the coffee table.

"Here you go." he said as he placed the basket on the table with a clunk. "Feel free to choose one."

"Why do you have DVDs?"

"Old family heirloom."

Junji pulled a DVD from the box. As Tex snuck a look at the front cover, his blood turned to ice.

It was the 1965 film The Face of Fu Manchu. Tex's eyes only widened further as he caught sight of the yellow coloring and the faux epicanthic folds painted onto Christofer Lee's painfully Caucasian face. With a pounding heart, Tex snuck a peek at Junji to gauge his reaction.

Junji burst into laughter.

"That was given to me." Tex blurted as Junji was forced to steady himself to keep from folding over.

It took Junji a few seconds to respond. His laughter was overjoyed, giddy even.

"As was--hah--as was The Brides of Fu Manchu?" Junji managed as he pulled the next DVD out of the box.

"...Yeah." Tex replied.

"And The Vengeance of Fu Manchu?"

"Never even seen it."

"The Blood of Fu Manchu."

"You're killing me here."

"This one is just a copy of The Yellow Peril..."

"What--I don't got--"

"I'm kidding. I'm kidding."

Even once he'd finished with the DVDs and wiped his eyes, Junji was still chuckling to himself. Tex supposed his reaction could have been worse.

"You are very easy." said Junji.

"And you're a jackass."

Junji didn't seem like he was about to choose a movie, so Tex reached into the basket himself.

"We could watch this one." Tex suggested as he pulled out Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.

"I've seen it."

Tex felt his eyebrows disappear into his bangs.

"You've seen Butch Cassidy?" asked Tex.

"Yes, the night after I met you. I wanted to better understand the way you speak."

"...Alrighty then."

Tex reached back into the basket and grabbed a random DVD. The second he'd pulled his hand back out and gotten a look at what he'd grabbed, his heart was set.

"We're watching this." he said as he walked over and popped the disk into his laptop.

"What is it?" Junji asked.

"It's called Rocky."

"What's it about?"

"Boxing."

"I hate it."

"You're gonna love it."

Although he was initially quite confident, Tex's certainty that Junji would indeed love the movie began to crumble as he started to think more about what he did and didn't know about Junji. Furthermore, Junji's insistence on not emoting at all during the movie rendered Tex's experience two hours of stress.

At least it was fitting for the film.

"Well?" Tex asked once the credits had started to roll.

Tex's voice felt hollow. It was the first thing he'd said in two hours.

"Well what?" Junji replied.

"What did you think?"

"Are you crying?"

"No."

After pausing for a moment to wipe his eyes, Tex looked back over to see that Junji was still staring blankly.

"So what'd you think?" Tex followed.

Junji let out a short sound of amusement.

"I thought it was fantastic." he answered.

"Really?" Tex pushed.

"Yes."

"You don't got more to say?"

"What more is there to say? It was very good."

"Gotta give me more than that."

"I don't know what to give you."

"I wanna hear all your thoughts."

"Would you like me to write a twelve page report?"

"Sure."

Tex still would have liked to hear more, but at least Junji had enjoyed himself.

"I will say this." Junji stated. "That after having worked with Mafioso my whole life, this was the first good experience I've had with an Italian."

"You wash your mouth."

It was two in the morning by the time Junji left. On days that he wasn't up late for his job, Tex usually went to bed around eleven. Thankfully, he'd managed to get his sleep schedule back on track in time for Tala's Sunday meeting.

"So what's the deal?" Barton asked as Tala got her laptop set up on the table.

"I'm pretty sure I know who he is." Tala replied. "I got a picture of him from Google Earth."

"Do you know what room he's in?"

"No. But I do know this."

Tala pointed to the center of her laptop screen as she zoomed in on the front doors of the building. Tex squinted to see a flyer for a charity banquet that took place every Monday.

"The banquet is tomorrow." said Tala. "We got lucky."

"You think we can find him at a banquet?" Tex replied. "I doubt he's really a socializing kinda guy."

"Yeah, but an event would make us roaming the halls a lot less suspicious."

"Good point."

"Some of us could snoop the party while the others go door to door selling--newspapers." Junji suggested. "Or something."

"Can we see the picture of him?" asked Barton.

"I'll show you tomorrow." Tala replied.

"Why don't you show us now?"

"...I forgot it."

Tex wasn't surprised. A notification tone caused him to reach for his pocket, but he stopped when he saw that it was from Tala's phone.

"Sean wants to know if he can come." Tala said.

"How does Sean know about this?" Tex asked.

"I told him we were going to Portland. He's been wanting to go."

"Why would Sean want to go to Portland?"

"He says weed is cheaper there."

"...Is it?"

"Yeah. No sales tax."

The meeting ended shortly after Tala had finished her conversation with Sean. Tex stood next to Barton as she slung her backpack over her shoulders.

"Gotta give it to Portland, though." said Barton. "After you get tired of watching people literally jerk-off in public, you can go uptown and watch people figuratively jerk-off in public."

Tex had only been to Portland once before. All he really knew about it was that it had supported Los Angeles' decision to bomb his home state and tear his mother apart.

"Hey." Tex said to Barton.

"What?"

"You better get along with all them Portlanders."

Barton didn't say anything, although she shot Tex a look as she left that indicated she was not going to get along with all them Portlanders.

"Why would Barton not get along with the Portlanders?" Junji asked once she'd left.

Tex scoffed out a quick chuckle.

"Let's just say that the best kinda people in the world are non-condescending hippies." he answered. "But the worst kind are condescending hippies."

"And?"

"And both of them live in Portland."

"Then shouldn't Barton's opinion of them be neutral?"

"Barton hates both kinds."

Junji still didn't look like he understood, but Tex supposed it wasn't mandatory.