The Mexi Avenger skidded along the ground, tumbling through sand and dirt and uprooting quite a number of innocent cacti.

“Oof, ouch, owie,” Kyoko said as if she just chugged a can of bone hurting juice.

The mecha came to a stop, heavily damaged and buried in the sand. But through the power of Kyoko’s and Crispina’s sheer willpower they got back up and shook it off. “It” being the mecha’s grievous wounds, not the sand. There’s no way they were ever getting all of that out. Ever. The Mexi’s sensitive areas would feel salty for the rest of time.

In the distance, stomping away from the city and towards Mexi, was a now-building-sized Lieutenant Maximov, hulking and flexing in a disgusting, provocative manner.

“You are no protectors!” he yelled, but because it was from a couple miles away it was too far to hear it clearly and they heard something more like, “Ear lobe tech hurts!”

“Maybe he has sensitive hearing?” Kyoko asked.

Crispina shrugged. “You know, we should probably attack him.”

“Right.”

The Mexi Avenger threw its sombrero and it whizzed towards Maximov so fast he could hardly react. It slammed into him, pushing him onto the ground, and flew right back into the robot’s hand.

(Watch Captain America 3: Civil War in theaters May 2016.)

Maximov leapt right back on his feet and put his hand through his mane. “Impressive. Not shabby at all,” he said. “But how about this?”

Maximov flexed his arm. He flexed it hard. So hard. So hard a piece of his bicep detached from the rest of his body and zoomed toward Mexi.

“Watch out,” Crispina said.

They tried to maneuver out of the way but the bicep smashed into the mech and exploded in a blaze of kinetic enemy. Mexi toppled onto the ground, electricity knocked out.

“Crap!”

Systems were rebooting, but not very quickly.

“Yeah, crap.” Crispina frowned even more deeply than usual. “Madoka, Sayaka, either of you planning on helping out anytime soon?”

“I’m kinda busy right now,” said Madoka. “Literally hundreds of furries still in the city. Horse guy wasn’t the last one or anything.”

“I understand. Sayaka?”

...

...

She was probably doing something productive. Maybe.

“Well then, how are we going to avoid getting crushed to death in the next eight seconds?” Kyoko asked. This was surely someone’s disgusting fetish, but for sure not hers.

“Let’s wait for a deus ex machina,” Crispina said. “Those usually come about now.”

Maximov approached Mexi and looked down on the downed robot with feigned pity. “Oh dear, is this what I have wrought?” e followed this up with a piledriver, slamming his elbow into Mexi’s cool chest-engine.

“I think we should go nuclear,” said Kyoko.

Literally, of course. Years prior the entire planet was saved when Asuka Langley Soryuu Miki detonated her Eva unit and gave this series its first and hopefully only moment of legitimate emotional impact. If they did it here, though... that’d just be way too much drama.

“Actually... let’s not do that, actually,# she said in a quick turnaround of opinion and in agreement with all parties concerned. “Let’s actually defeat this son of a Seabiscuit.”

“Alright. You know what I think we should do?” Crispina asked.

“Of course I do, I’m in your head,” Kyoko said. It was literally true, considering their minds were connected as they controlled the mecha.

Both women raised their arms into the air and pointed forwards.

“Chest-cannon!”

The engine at the chest of the Mexi Avenger lit up and blasted a bolt of flame onto Maximov, pushing him off of it and giving it the chance they needed.

That was a completely ridiculous move, but it worked.

Actual Pacific Rim would never do something so silly, of course.

They each kept one arm in the air and a holographic sphere encircled them.

“Activate sword!”

On the Mexi Avenger’s right arm, a giant hunk of sharpened steel extended forwards and a glowing laser solidified around it.

It sliced upwards, hacking off Maximov’s own right arm.

“Yeowch!” he neighed.

“We got’em!”

After both of these injuries, Maximov reeled back and his eyes bulged. “You have brought me to desperate measures. I must perform my critical attack.”

His mouth opened abnormally widely.

“Oh no, this isn’t vore, is it?”

“What the hell, Kyoko?” Madoka yelled over the soul gem intercom. “Kids read this story, you know!”

“Madoka, nobody reads this story from any demographic.”

“Will you shut up?” Crispina barked. “We need to counteract this, fast.”

Maximov began yelling with great ferocity, his mouth open past the point of a broken jaw.

“What IS he doing?” Kyoko asked.

“I think I know,” Crispina said. “He’s preparing for a meme.”

“I7m...” Maximov puffed up his chest. “FIRIN’ MA LAZAR BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA”

A giant beam of energy shot out from his mouth, directly towards Mexi.

“Block it!”

Mexi raised its laser sword and diverted the beam away. It deflected and began melting the sand on impact.

The sword was barely holding, and the beam just kept on going.

“What kind of victory could they pull off here?”

A fairly ludicrous one, that’s what.

“Fire the toe missiles,” Kyoko said. The mech followed suit, its structural support going dangerously thin. But a hidden cache of explosives still launched into the sky and impacted all over Maximov’s one-armed body.

The beam stopped as Maximov collapsed onto the ground, crashing onto the surface that now primarily consisted of glass. It all instantly shattered, of course.

He let out one final neigh before going to the big yiff in the sky.

Whew.

That one sure was a hoot.