“Have a taste of this!” Madoka summoned a magical rocket launcher and shot a giant pink missile at Walpurgisnacht. It exploded in a blaze of magical energy and pushed Walpurgisnacht a kilometer away from the city. If anything, that would at least save some lives.

Madoka turned to her companions Sayaka and Negasayaka, who floated in the air next to her with their cool magical girl jetpacks that would have been extremely useful back when they were fighting in the previous universe. “Let’s finish this job!”

“Jobs are pointless excursions created by the machinery of capitalism,” Negasayaka said as she flew towards the monstrous witch and tossed four or five cutlasses at it. All of them bounced off and flew off in different directions, hopefully not hitting anyone on the ground and impaling them as they tried to escape. That would be really unfortunate and bad.

“She is the worst fighter I have ever seen,” said Crispina, who was playing the part of defense, intercepting and deflecting any attacks that Walpurgisnacht sent their way.

“I feel like it’s getting weak,” Sayaka told Madoka. “But I don’t think we can finish it off alone. We need to call in... “

“Call in who?”

“The OCs.”

Sayaka somehow summoned a really big magical whistle and blew it. At this, all the magical girl trainees and colorful OCs that had been fighting the familiars on the ground flew up into the air and began attacking Walpurgisnacht.

“The final assault!” Sayaka shouted. “Honor! Triumph!” Before Madoka could ask what the hell she was talking about, Sayaka got into her all-new samurai stance and blasted towards her foe.

“I’ll help her not die,” Crispina said, flying off as well.

Madoka kept firing her magical pistol, but now she could only make the occasional attack because of all the extras that were in the way. She really didn’t want to hit any of them by accident, after all!

Sayaka and Negasayaka made a great pair, it seemed. They locked arms back-to-back and began making a really cool spinning move, slicing and dicing Walpurgisnacht a hundred times in just one attack. Madoka didn’t know how--

Why couldn’t she move?

Oh no.

She turned around--not of her own will--and saw Kiiko floating there right in front of her. “Uh, hi there!” she said, attempting to wave but being unable to move any of her limbs.

Kiiko’s red eyes flared up. “Where is Aaya?” she asked, frowning intensely. She was not scowling, however.

“Uh, I don’t know!” Madoka attempted to shrug but was once again thwarted by the powers of psychic control.

“I want her to be with me while I crush this city. She needs to be punished for her actions in the previous universe.”

“Oh… she wasn’t that bad, really! I was fine with the way she violated me and made out with me just to make you go into a berserker rage.”

“I can’t feel her in the city. She is either unconscious or dead, and neither of those options are preferable to me.” Kiiko lifted Madoka up higher and began strangling her in a way that was similar to (but not enough to be able to sue) a force choke. “Tell me, now.”

“I really don’t… have a clue!”

“Then there is no point in letting you--”

Kiiko began flying at top speeds towards Walpurgisnacht, as if she had been swatted away like a fly. Madoka could finally move again, and realized that the perpetrator was none other than Kyoko!

Oh wait.

Kyokannibal. It was Kyoko, but she looked orange right now and was rapidly engulfing a sack of fruits and vegetables she had in one of her arms.

Wait… “Kyokannibal?” Madoka asked. “How are you…”

She began changing colors rapidly. “You guys made a portal outta my universe but it didn’t close for like half an hour. So I decided to help you kill Kiiko before I kill you for killing Gyuhey.”

“But we didn’t--”

“Ah! Shut it!” With this, Kyokannibal, who was flying without a jetpack due to, uh, some food-related powers she guessed, sped towards the rest of the magical girls all battling around Walpurgisnacht and Kiiko.

Madoka followed suit, and reached the massive orgy of violence and mayhem in just a few moments. There were so many blasts of energy and dead nameless characters falling to the ground that she could hardly even comprehend it.

Kyokannibal and Negasayaka began fighting together, and, holding hands, dealt a massive blow to Walpurgisnacht’s upside-down head thing.

The witch screamed out (with such a powerful decibel level that several nearby magical girls were obliterated instantly), and then began to evaporate into gears and chandeliers. A giant grief seed popped out and crashed onto Mexico City below.

The storm had finally stopped.

Dozens of OCs rushed down to the grief seed to attempt to power themselves up, but they quickly realized that that was a bad move. Or they didn’t, because they were killed too quickly. Kiiko was already down there and began slaughtering all of them.

“I want my girlfriend!” she shouted up to the magical girls still in the sky.

Madoka looked back to Sayaka, Negasayaka, Crispina, Kyokannibal, and the other magical girls. “Let’s give her her girlfriend then,” she said. “By that I mean let’s attack her.”

All of them flew, fell, or otherwise came down to ground level to attack Kiiko at once. Several of them were killed before they could even reach the rubble below, but most of them made it, and they were dueling with the main antagonist almost immediately.

Kiiko’s powers seemed diminished in this universe. She wasn’t able to simply implode people around her instantly, and actually had to put up a fight as all these people swarmed her. It was either that or she was simply too bored to actually put up a decent fight. Madoka desperately hoped it was the former.

The sounds of clashes of swords and metal abounded throughout this scene of carnage. It was like one of those medieval re-enactments, except people were actually dying and everyone was dressed in frilly dresses and futuristic battle armor. Madoka saw a slo-mo shot as Negasayaka plunged towards Kiiko, but was sliced in half with a blast of psychic energy. Blood spewed out of her and got all over Kiiko’s face, though, which blinded her for a moment and let everyone else take a bunch of hits on her.

Kyokannibal dashed over to the upper half of Negasayaka’s body. “Negasayaka! Are you okay?”

“I think… there was a reason for this,” she said. “My magic isn’t healing me like it used to… But it was worth it. I think… I made a good choice.”

In a burst of darkness, Negasayaka’s body exploded and turned into a gigantic witch-- no, a monster. One even bigger than the witch they had defeated only moments earlier, and with two giant swords in its hands.

A cybernet panel popped up next to Madoka. There was a message from Neoakemi, reading, “That’s Oktavia Ultima. She is stronger than Walpurgisnacht. Tell everyone to run. -Neoa”

“EVERYONE RUN!” But it was too late. Kiiko took the moment of panic to kill most of the remaining OCs around her. Crispina was knocked away into the sky and made one of those Team Rocket sparkles as she disappeared. Sayaka and Kyokannibal began attacking Oktavia Ultima, but it was obvious that they were doing little to no damage.

Kyokannibal pushed Sayaka to the side, and the girl fell to the ground next to where Madoka stood.”I’ll deal with this! You guys stand back!” A single tear dropped from her green-colored face and fell to the ground.

Like a giant female Kirby, Kyokannibal began sucking in all the air around her. Her mouth expanded to cartoonish size, and Oktavia Ultima began to struggle to stay upright. It grabbed onto a nearby building… but even that wasn’t enough.

The witch was sucked right into Kyokannibal’s stomach.

And then there was a rumbling sound.

Kyokannibal turned to Madoka and Sayaka. “I’m so sorry,” she said, just before turning bright blue, expanding to a huge size, and then… turning into a witch herself.

Another prompt popped up. “That monster is Hamlet Omega. It possesses the powers of Ophelia Ultima and Oktavia Ultima both. Please run. -Neoa”

Madoka and Sayaka did just that.

Madoka looked back. Kiiko raised her hand to Hamlet Omega. The monster did not attack her, but instead stood still… and then turned its gaze to the two of them.

“This is bad,” Madoka said. “We’ve got to make it back to Neoakemi and the others or else we are toast. Burnt toast.”

“This couldn’t possibly get any worse. This is the absolute worst situation we could possibly be in,” Sayaka said.

“No! Don’t say that! Do you not know the law of--” Hamlet Omega swung its polearm at Madoka and batted her clear across the city. Madoka flew so far so fast that she very quickly blacked out--

***

--and then realized she had crashed into the bar she was such a frequent visitor of. She was in fact laying on the bar at this very moment.

“Are you going to order a drink?” the bartender asked with an absolutely emotionless tone. It was disturbingly like Kiiko, but without the insanity and with a refreshing wave of calmness. Maybe Kiiko wouldn’t have snapped if she had become a bartender instead of a godlike psychic.

Madoka got off of the bar, wiped the wood from where she crashed through the ceiling, and sat on the barstool. “One whiskey please.”

“Coming right up.” The bartender began pouring the drink. “Why aren’t you out there fighting right now?” she asked.

“I suck, that’s why,” Madoka said. “I got whacked a hundred miles away from the battle in one blow and now everyone’s going to lose all because of me.”

“You really think that.”

“Yep. I’m a bad wife, a bad friend, and the worst Sheriff of Mexico ever. Sheriff Flint would be so disappointed in me, just like Kyoko already is…”

The bartender sat the drink down. “You’re mistaken about all of that. You may have some problems, but we all do as humans. You can’t shoulder the burdens of the entire world, you know. And you can’t fix anything by running away and hiding out.”

“Hmm…”

“Listen. I’ve talked to your wife several times,” the bartender said. “She loves you as much as you love her. You are just worried about your drinking problem affecting things. It is, but not enough that you can resort to self-pitying so quickly.”

“I have a drinking problem?”

“Yes. But I’m not here to judge. I’m just here to serve you alcohol and take your money. Do whatever you want.”

Madoka gulped down her whiskey, slammed the glass upside-down on the table, and stood up. “You’re right. I can still win all of this. I’m going to defeat Kiiko Kawakami with my own hands!”

“Hopefully. Death is not good for business.”

Madoka turned around. “Oh,” she said. “I’ve been coming here for… well, a while. But I never even knew your name in all this time.”

“It’s Samantha Flores. But my name doesn’t matter as long as I peform my duties, and my duties are bartending. What are yours?”

At this, Madoka sprang out of the hole in the ceiling of the bar, reactivated her jetpack, and flew back towards Mexico City.

Hopefully she’d be able to get there before it was too late!