Now, back to the main story…

Madoka had scarcely enough time to dodge a gigantic beam of light headed right towards her. It actually hit the side of her magical girl uniform and singed it quite badly, which sucked because she just got this new uniform three months ago and was already going to have to replace it.

Beside her, the Madoka with a giant scythe, draped in black, looked beaten badly but more determined than anyone she had ever seen. The black Madoka saw her and pointed at her with her scythe-free hand. “You!” she shouted. “I don’t know who you are, but you need to help us!”

“Uh, from what?”

“From that!” She pointed, with her scythe, at the being floating at the sky, who several other magical girls were currently dueling. “Her name is Kiiko Kawakami, and she’s completely wrecked our planet!”

“Huh?”

The emo-looking Madoka motioned over to someone, who dropped down from one of the many nearby derelict skyscrapers. It was none other than… this universe’s Homura Akemi! Yes! Finally! Madoka ran over to hug her, but was instantly repelled by the other Madoka, blocking her path with her scythe. “Neoakemi, if you would, please give these magical girls the information we need.” Madoka took a closer look at this “Neoakemi” and realized that she had some marked differences from the Homura she knew and formerly loved. She had a robot eye, for one, and a bunch of weird transparent technology instead of her normal weapons and shield. She also had short hair, for some reason. This was really weird and different and Madoka wasn’t sure if she liked it. All of these changes seemed really bizarre and out of place, though she was sure that if she asked, there would be a completely rational explanation for all of it.

Neoakemi actively tried not to make eye contact with Madoka… maybe it was the sombrero, or maybe the magical girl battle armor was too cool so she kept staring at that. It was one or the other. Still, she spoke to her, and said, “I will send you all the information on our current situation through the Cybernet. Please read it as quickly as possible and help us defeat Kiiko Kawakami. Please save us from our destruction.” Within seconds, bunch of screens popped up, floating in the air beside each of the magical girls, and then Neoakemi jumped away, continuing her fight against the person in the sky.

Sayaka was extremely frightened by all the screens floating beside her, and tried running away from them, though they kept following her around. Nagisa seemed deep into reading already, while the three green-haired OCs didn’t even get any screens because they weren’t important enough to get the relevant background information/exposition.

Madoka walked over to Crispina. “I’m somewhat confused right now,” she told her.

Crispina shrugged, and then crossed her arms. “Read all this stuff and maybe you’ll stop being baffled by everything.”

“That was kind of rude. You’ve read it all already?”

“No, I was just saying you should read everything. I need to do it too.”

Madoka shrugged this time. She guessed she should read everything, despite how inappropriate it was to catch up on all this context during the middle of--

“I CANNOT ALLOW YOU TO INTERFERE!” Madoka turned around and jumped out of the way of a dozen cannon blasts, because apparently her entire life had become narrowly dodging attacks from people. It turned out that the person who was firing at her was none other than… Mami Tomoe? In an army uniform? What?

“STAND BACK, INTRUDERS! GYUHEY’S CREW IS HERE! AND GENERAL TOMOE IS THE LEADER OF THEM ALL!” said… General Tomoe. Behind her were several nameless magical girls, along with a bunch of hair soldiers. Madoka thought she saw Oriko and… Umika Misaki? She was glad the author of this story never bothered reading the side-mangas, or else the spinoff characters probably would have already gotten a lot of screentime in all these stupid fan fictions.

“Who the hell is Gyuhey?” Sayaka asked. She already had her cutlasses in her hands, and Madoka realized at this moment that this was the first time Sayaka was battling with her signature weapons in the entire The Madoka Series.

General Tomoe did not seem like the type to answer questions with exposition, and she was not; instead of answering Sayaka, she shot at her. Luckily, Sayaka was a deft fighter, and deflected every shot… accidentally sending one over to one of the green-haired OCs and hitting her in the knee.

“Ah!” that girl shouted. “Now I can’t be an adventurer!” She was then shot in the head and killed by General Tomoe, in an act of divine retribution for her outdated and unfunny reference.

“Where’s the beef?” Sayaka shouted at General Tomoe. She threw one cutlass at her, knocking the rifle out of her hands. Sayaka jumped, caught the sword, and then hacked Tomoe’s head off in one blow. Her head hit the ground at precisely the right angle to shatter her soul gem and kill her for good. Sayaka made a three-point landing, putting one of her hands on the ground and crouching. She gave a thumbs-up to Madoka-- just before being pummeled into a wall of an already-ruined building. In her place appeared another Sayaka, one with a very desaturated color palette. This Sayaka turned to Madoka and her team and gave Madoka a blank stare, but was quickly blasted backwards by Neoakemi and the other Madoka.

“Nice work, Shinigamidoka,” said Neoakemi. ... Shinigamidoka… Madoka was getting more and more confused by all these names as time went on. Extremely confused.

“Why are all these guys fighting all you guys? What about that really powerful Kiiko person? I’m so confused right now!” Madoka was so confused, much moreso than the readers, who actually could follow what was going on, considering Chapter 7 was very detailed in leading up to everything that was currently going on. Madoka wished she didn’t skip that chapter, but it just looked so long… why was it in four parts…

Suddenly, a tiny evil alien monster appeared beside Madoka. It was… Kyubey, except with blue fur, and with green eyes. “Madoka Kaname… I am Gyuhey,” he said. “I’d like to welcome you to our universe. All six of you will make for very good witches, and will provide a very good energy source to us in the future.”

“Uh…”

“I didn’t think you’d understand, but it’s fine.” His permanent smile was eternally creepy and Madoka wanted nothing more than to wipe the blue mush of his corpse off the floor. But that’d be unprofessional and unbecoming of the Sheriff of Mexico, wouldn’t it? Gyuhey needed to stand trial for his crimes, just as Sayaka did all those years earlier. Except he’d be found guilty because it’d just be a really elaborate show trial.

Gyuhey continued. “Because you killed poor General Tomoe, I think that I’m going to have to have all of you killed, though. I’m sorry about that, but she was one of my best. Since Kyokannibal is still dueling Kiiko Kawakami… Sayakan’t, can’t you destroy them for me?”

“My name is Negasayaka,” grayscale Sayaka said as she jumped in front of Gyuhey, apparently to protect him from attack, without realizing that he had like a billion copies of himself and didn’t even care about being killed.

She charged at Madoka, Shinigamidoka, and Neoakemi, carrying herself like some sort of quick-moving (and very bored) zombie, but tripped and fell, skidding along the wrecked pavement. She tumbled along emotionlessly, as if she didn’t care one bit about the immense amount of pain she was probably receiving. In fact, when she stood back up, she actually shrugged her shoulders,before continuing to charge at them.

Neoakemi threw a holographic disc at Negasayaka/Sayakan’t/Whatever and knocked her over once again. She stayed down this time.

Negasayaka laughed sarcastically. “I really don’t care enough to keep--”

A giant explosion, er, exploded next the group, killing another one of the green-haired OCs who was caught in the fireball. The final surviving one began freaking out, realizing she, too, was about to be obliterated. And, soon after, she was lifted off the ground with incredible psychic energy, and then imploded into a tiny wisp.

“Arrivederci, Ragazza Magica,” Madoka said, shedding a single manly tear (and then bursting into sobs immediately afterwards).

Kiiko descended to the ground and began throwing around leftover hair soldiers from General Tomoe, who were still running around, despite Mami having been killed several minutes ago. Kyokannibal also hit the ground; Madoka found out why she was called Kyokannibal, because damn, like, apparently she had eaten a grapefruit or something, because she was purple, and also shaped like a grapefruit. Actually, she wasn’t sure why she was called Kyokannibal after all.

Just then, Kyokannibal used her lance as a spear, stabbed one of the nameless magical girls working for Gyuhey, brought her next to her, and then opened her mouth, consuming the magical girl like a vacuum cleaner. Within moments, she transformed to resemble that nameless magical girl, and even got her weapon, which was a shiny-looking nunchuck (oops, this fan fiction is now censored in England).

Madoka raised her (magical) pistols and turned off the (magical) safeties, aiming it at practically everyone around her because there were way too many enemies, but Kiiko noticed this, raised her hand, and the barrels of the guns bent upwards like in a Looney Tunes cartoon or something. Annnnnd now Madoka’s weapons were useless.

Great.

Also, in the middle of all this chaos, the wreckage of a skyscraper nearby began lifting into the sky. Madoka looked up and realized that Walpurgisnacht was like, just kind of floating there too, which did a good job of explaining why Mitakihara City was now a wasteland.

Even better.

Crispina and Nagisa readied themselves for battle, though it didn’t really seem like people were really too concerned with them. The current cast of characters gathered around here was so massive that it was really hurting Madoka’s head to keep track of everything going on. This would have been so much easier were it a movie or a comic book, but when there’s… uhh, let her count… Neoakemi, Shinigamidoka, Madoka, Sayaka, Nagisa, Crispina, Kiiko, Negasayaka, Kyokannibal, Gyuhey, four extra magical girls, and Walpurgisnacht… Okay… but when there’s fifteen characters all in one giant scene together, not counting everyone who already died, it was pretty hard to coordinate all the stuff going on. Uh, this is what Madoka thought, not the author, of course. Oh wait-- sixteenth person: Some light-haired girl walked slowly up to this gathering of magical girls.

Kiiko turned to her. “Aaya, where have you been?”

“I was having sex with Negasayaka earlier, and I fell asleep. Sorry about that.” She laughed and took Negasayaka’s hand, pulling her up from the ground where she was still laying.

“It’s true,” Negasayaka said. “I don’t have enough sense of self-preservation to lie about it, so I’m just going to admit it.”

Kiiko didn’t say anything in response, but a four-story building behind her DID crumble and explode, so Madoka realized she was probably not very happy about this.

“Aaya, I am going to punish you later,” Kiiko said. “You’re going to love me forever, remember?”

Aaya blushed. “Of course! I do love you forever. I just like teasing you.” She kissed Negasayaka on the cheek.

With a flat expression on her face, Kiiko closed her fist, and then a shockwave exploded from underneath her, knocking nearly everyone down. Only Gyuhey was motionless, as he stood on top of a bent-over Stop sign.

A bunch of dust obscured Madoka’s vision for a few moments, but once it cleared, she saw Kiiko fiercely battling Negasayaka, Shinigamidoka, and Kyokannibal, already in the sky again. Above everyone, Walpurgisnacht began tossing buildings at Neoakemi, who was trying to shoot at Kiiko with long-range blasts. She was hit by one, and disappeared into a cloud of smoke and pile of rubble. Shinigamidoka diverted her attention from the battle at hand and rushed to save the girl.

Nagisa called out to Madoka. “Hey, Madoka! I think we should run away!” Crispina and Sayaka were nowhere to be found, so they apparently had already fled.

“Never! I never give up, never give in!” Madoka was then picked up through Kiiko’s psychic powers and started floating a few feet in the air. “Okay, I take that back! I want to run away!”

Aaya stood next to her and giggled. “I don’t know who you are, but you look very strong. I can’t believe she hasn’t simply exploded your head, or devolved you into a Tritylodon and sent you back in time to the Triassic period.”

“Can she really do that?” Madoka asked, spinning quite rapidly as she orbited around Aaya.

“I have no idea,” she said. “But her power seems almost limitless at times! It’s such an exciting experiment to watch her grow and expand her abilities. I love every second of it.”

“Why is she killing everyone, though?!”

“I think I made her a little upset in the last universe we visited. But that’s a story for another time, and another reality.” Aaya stepped up close to Madoka and grabbed her by the waist so that she’d stop moving around, though she still levitated a foot off the ground. “You look just like that other pink-haired girl… You’re from another universe, then?” How did she figure that out so quickly? “What’s it like?” Aaya asked. “Is it similar to this one? Because this one just hasn’t been that fun…” She pulled Madoka closer and closer, to the point where their noses were touching. “I like fun universes…” Aaya dragged her in and stuck her tongue into her mouth. Augh! Gross!

A giant bubble popped behind Aaya, knocking both her and Madoka over onto the ground. It was one of Nagisa’s bubble attacks from her (magic, obviously) trumpet! This one second seemed to be enough to break Kiiko’s psychic hold on Madoka, since she was distracted by her battle with Negasayaka and Kyokannibal. Aaya started to get up, but Madoka kicked her in the face, knocking her out cold.

“Come on!” Nagisa said, running away and motioning for Madoka to follow her. Madoka was extremely thankful for Nagisa’s extremely helpful attack, but she was still extremely confused why Nagisa continued to use that extremely inefficient bubble-trumpet weapon after she’d already grown up (and up, and up, to six feet three inches tall). Even Madoka finally switched from bow-and-arrow to (magical) dual-wielding flintlocks eventually… though those weapons were useless now, so maybe Nagisa had a good line of thinking in keeping with tradition.

As Madoka ran away, she saw Shinigamidoka, still pulling Neoakemi out of the wreckage. Neoakemi was still dazed, but she still had the strength to embrace Shinigamidoka and kiss her for several seconds. Madoka saw how much those two cared for each other… It reminded her of, well… Her own relationship with Kyoko. Her own Homura was never that affectionate. She was mainly just controlling and cold. Granted, she was actually Kyubey in disguise, but she always felt bittersweet about her relationship with her, as if she could have made something of it, if only she tried… despite how completely silly that line of thought was.

Suddenly, the ground rumbled, and knocked Madoka over once again. She really had it with falling over. It was the lamest of things to happen.

Kiiko flew over, in front of Madoka, Shinigamidoka, and Neoakemi. Nagisa was already far enough that she could keep running, but she turned around to try and help. Madoka made extremely obvious gestures to get her to stop. “Keep running,” she mouthed loudly. Nagisa stopped, shrugged, and started running again. Madoka knew Nagisa would have been crispy, Charlotte-shaped bacon if she tried to face Kiiko, so she was glad that the girl wasn’t so stupid.

Too bad Madoka couldn’t do the same. Kiiko held out her hands, and once again held her captive in the air, along with Shinigamidoka, who was struggling much more to break free of the psychic grip.

“Two Madoka Kanames…” Kiiko said. “What an interesting instance. I am very curious as to how this happened.” She began flying away, with both Madokas in tow. “You’re coming with me.”

Madoka was absolutely not fond of this plot development at all, but she couldn’t move, as much as she tried. She looked down at the ground, and the city getting smaller and smaller as they rose higher. The city was almost completely destroyed, with debris and sand everywhere. It almost made Madoka want to cry, seeing her hometown so utterly obliterated…

But she didn’t cry, because she saw several tiny figures among the rubble. She instantly knew who they were-- Sayaka, Crispina, and Nagisa. It looked like they were safe, at least for now. They were going to save the day, and she knew it, because they had to. They would complete the mission, no matter the cost.