Asuka and El Guante stood by a pool table. It kind of looked grungy and dirty, but it was actually just in the recreation room of the Magical Girl HQ. Asuka never really liked going out and partying in… That was a lie. She loved going out and partying wherever she felt like.

Tonight, she felt like having a chilled hangout with her friend, the former villain of Mexico El Guante. They never really knew each other before Madoka’s frenzied attempts to capture him culminating in a very strange surprise birthday party, but once he turned to the side of truth, justice, and whatever magical girl stuff Sayaka always went on about, they became very well-acquainted.

Asuka lined up a shot. She had stripes, El Guante had solids. If she made this right, she would pocket the twelve ball, and push the six and seven balls out of the way of each other, so he couldn’t get them at once like he could at the moment. She stuck her tongue out, closed one eye, and let it rip. But she put too much english on the ball, and it hopped over the twelve, landing on the eight ball, and knocking that with enough power to send it flying off the table.

“This must be what Homestuck feels like,” Asuka said in anguish.

“Now it is my turn,” said El Guante, still dressed like Santa Anna because if there’s anything Thedude3445 likes, it’s continuing stupid visual running gags even in a prose story. Don’t forget that Madoka and Kyoko both regularly wear sombreros that match their hair colors, either. Anyway, yeah, he lined up his shot, except not with a pool stick, but rather one of his machine gun hands. It worked, Asuka guessed. Except how was he going to stabilize the machine gun when his other hand was also a machine gun?

Well, however he did it, he did it, because it sent the cue ball flying in all sorts of directions, bouncing all over the table, and pocketing not only the six and seven balls, and the three ball.

“Damn.” Asuka put her pool stick back up on the pool stick holder thing. “You’re too good.”

“I will take that as a compliment, for I am El Guante, the undefeatable!” He burst out into villainous laughter, which he still occasionally did, despite being reformed. The laughter part was one of the hardest parts of the villain to cure, she’d heard from several former baddies. Sayaka was only a witch for a couple weeks and it took her a year to stop cackling when she succeeded at sinister things.

“Hey guys,” Kyoko said as she walked up to the pool table with them. She had been very intense into her work the past few weeks, trying to help Madoka’s insane plan to use interdimensional travel or something to resurrect some of her dead friends, and damn did she look tired.

Asuka walked over to the fridge and threw her a generic brand diet cola. She caught it and began drinking almost immediately. At least her appetite was still the same. “Why are you still here, Kyo?” both El Guante and Kyoko cringed at Asuka’s extremely inappropriate use of cutesy nicknames.

“Just a lot of work,” Kyoko answered.

“Nothing important in the life department? You’re not suddenly pregnant with no idea how you got that way since you’re married to a woman, right?” Asuka asked in a far-too-detailed manner.

Kyoko blinked a few times, and turned to El Guante. “Are there any trainees that seem skilled enough to go with us on our first interuniversal expedition?”

El Guante shook his head. “Not at all. I would not even send myself, or Asuka, with such a potentially dangerous risk. Only the most experienced magical girls are equipped to deal with whatever comes their way.”

“Of course, I’ve done weird space shit before, if you recall from that stupid 3.0 movie,” Asuka said. “So I’d totally be able to help out if you just… made me… a magical girl…”

Ignoring Asuka once again, Kyoko said, “That’s not good. I don’t trust that we’ll have enough [wo]manpower to fight anything ultra strong. Assuming we will need to fight anything at all… Maybe I’m just being a pessimist--” Kyoko took out a pack of Oreo’s and started chewing on them-- “But I feel like everything is going to go very badly when we do this. Experience tells me that interuniversal travel always works badly.”

“Like when?” El Guante asked.

“Sliders. Have you ever seen that? I’m preparing for the worst. Like that episode when Quinn is captured by... “ El Guante and Asuka stared at Kyoko. She brushed the Oreo crumbs off her face. “Um, anyway, I think we should try to get some of our trainees ready to help. I won’t be able to go on the trip because I’ll be monitoring things, so otherwise, we’ll only have four magical girls against who knows what.”

“Yes ma’am, I’ll try,” said El Guante.

Asuka was totally going to ask Kyoko about her clear emotional problems but she decided to let that wait for a later chapter. She thought she’d try to school her in a match of billiards anyway.

She lost the match.

***

“You’re here early,” the bartender said. Madoka sat at the bar, drinking whatever alcohol the bartender poured for her. She didn’t know, and didn’t much care, either. Barely anybody else was here tonight, because the bar had only just opened a few minutes ago. The bartender was still sweeping the floors getting ready though she was still able to serve Madoka a drink almost effortlessly. If only Madoka were as good at her job of policing the country as Sheriff of Mexico…

“I heard Sesame Street was going to HBO for the next few years…” Madoka mumbled. “Sucks, really. Kyoko and I don’t have premium cable. So how are we going to raise our hypothetical kids if we don’t have the newest episodes of Sesame Street to help them learn about giant birds and hobos in trashcans?”

The bartender ignored this non-sequitur and poured Madoka another glass. She didn’t say anything, but continued sweeping. Madoka would start calling her Sweep instead of bartender if she didn’t realize she was drunk and that was definitely a bad idea. Bartender and Sweep were two stock characters that she never wanted to get mixed up, because that would have dire consequences.

Madoka stared at her already half-empty glass. “Man, I remember that time my Mom was telling me to make mistakes while I’m young and all that so I can grow up well. Of course the only thing I took from that was that I should hurry up and grow up so I could get drunk with her.” Madoka laughed softly. “I haven’t even seen Mom in forever. I wish I could go back to Japan sometime… Kyoko and I never did get a chance to go on a honeymoon, what with Sheriff duties and all. Maybe sometime?”

She tried to hold in the inevitable flow of tears that was about to ensue, and, being Madoka, failed miserably. She sobbed as quietly as she could, so she wouldn’t disturb any of the customers that were starting to enter the bar. “Man, I’m such a bad wife. I spent the last eight years being a jerk and now she probably doesn’t even love me anymore. Dammit.”

The bartender took the glass away. “You’re drunk enough,” she said. She began pouring drinks for the other patrons that had arrived and sat on the bar stools next to Madoka. Most of them were really tough guys, probably former fighters for El Chapo, who Madoka had captured all by herself six years ago, and he was never able to escape again, no way.

“Hey! I wasn’t--” She realized the bartender was right. Or something. It was hard to tell, being drunk and all. “I should be less shitty to Kyoko, probably.”

“Sheriff Kaname,” the bartender began. “Maybe your problems start and end with that drink in your hands.”

“Eh?” Madoka looked over and realized she had swiped the glass of the guy next to her. She put it back down and put both her hands on the bar. “Maybe you’re right. If only I could get some way to fix all this that,” she said, ignoring this super obvious drinking problem she obviously had.