Madoka

Former Sheriff Flint and Current Sheriff Madoka traversed the unforgiving terrain that was the deserts of Mexico. It was quiet, and Madoka quickly realized that in the two times she had spoken to Former Sheriff Flint before and after he died, she knew next to nothing about him. So they kind of just awkwardly walked together.

“So, uhh…” Madoka said, trying to start a conversation. “Do you have any family. Er, did you?”

Flint stopped in his tracks-- er, his… path of floating in the air. “Yes. Yes I did,” he said. He turned his head and met Madoka’s eyes. He was crying.

“Sir?”

“I had a beautiful wife, and two twin boys, and they just…” He couldn’t continue for his tears were too much.

“It’s okay!” Madoka yelled as she tried to lay a hand on his shoulder and accidentally phased through him. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to bring anything up that you didn’t want to talk about.” Madoka tried to hold back the tears. Hahahaha just kidding, Madoka was bawling like usual.

“No no,” he said. “This is important backstory… It helps me be more sympathetic so my death is more emotional…”

“But you died five years ago…”

“I know, I’m just saying… it would have been better if this came up in Madoka in Mexico…” Sorry, I didn’t realize I was making a stupid series of a hundred fan fictions out of one silly story. “It’s okay.” Thanks.

Up ahead was another town. “Look,” Former Sheriff Flint said. “Is that where you are supposed to be headed?”

“Oh geez…” Madoka facepalmed in such a way that, if it were represented graphically, it would become a reaction image used by hundreds on various message boards and comment sections.

“What is it?”

“I just realized, we’re going in completely the wrong direction! We’re supposed to be going north, but we just went west for an hour! I feel really dumb.”

“Don’t worry,” Former Sheriff Flint said. “We all make mistakes sometimes. It doesn’t matter much to me, it cost me almost no energy to float next to you for a while.”

“I wish I could say the same… I’m parched!” Madoka fanned herself as if she were an aristocratic old lady. “I guess we could stop by that town for a bit to pick up a drink…”

And so they went.

But wait… once they got to the town, they couldn’t find anyone around. Not a single person. Not even a bartender. “But bartenders are awesome…” Madoka said. Little did she realize that a bartender, introduced in the sequel-spinoff to “Once Upon a Time in Madoka,” would become one of her greatest enemies, and her greatest allies… (Will become, that is)

Madoka couldn’t find any water or soda pop in the town’s bar (in addition to the already-missing bartender), so she grabbed some alcohol and poured herself a shot.

“I don’t know what legal age for drinking is in Mexico,” Madoka said. “But I’m too thirsty to care!” She downed the shot like a pro.

As she downed shot after shot, she began to feel like sheriff of the whole world, not just of Mexico. She began getting really grand ambitions about protecting the entire world, being a savior of the waking world AND the dreaming dead. This was not caused by the alcohol. Suddenly, Former Sheriff Flint phased through the wall in a hurry.“Miss Sheriff,” he said. “You need to get out of here, now.”

“Oh yeah? Why?” Madoka felt stronger and more confident than ever. This was caused by the alcohol. “What is it, a bunch of Kyubeys out of nowhere?”

“No, it’s El Guante!” And as Former Sheriff Flint said this, a hailfire of gun bullet shots pierced through the windows and wooden exterior of the bar. They phased through Madoka’s ghosty pal, but Madoka had to duck to avo-- OW! Madoka was shot in the knee! She fell to the ground and writhed in pain. She tried to put the pain out by stopping, dropping, and rolling, but, much to her dismay, that only worked with fire, not gun wounds.

El Guante stepped up to the saloon doors of the bar, and kicked them open. They swung back and hit him. He kicked them again and ran through the entrance before the doors could close on him. “Hahahaha!” El Guante laughed. (AUTHOR’S NOTE: Why would you specify a character laughing when the character is laughing in the dialogue? Fix this in proofreading.) “Beware, Madoka Kaname! For the pain you feel in the knee is only the beginning!” He held up his machine gun hands and shot them into the air, re-enacting that one cool scene from Point Break except he was in a bar and dressed up like Mexican dictator Santa Anna and his hands were the guns. Wow this guy was nuts.

“You’ll face justice, El Guante!” Madoka exclaimed, slamming her fist on the wooden floor. Clenching her fist and staring at the ground in anger, she made her passionate speech: “I will not rest until you are caught and until you pay for each and every one of your crimes! For I am Sheriff of Mexico, and I stand by my word!” Madoka looked up and he was already gone. “Darn it! I never get any cool moments…”

Madoka stood up, though her right leg was in considerable pain for obvious reasons. “Where did he go?”

“There’s only one place he could have gone,” Former Sheriff Flint said. “Your house.”

“Darn it!!!!!!!!!!”