“You missed one crucial element. I AM Kyubey.

What. “What.”

“I've always been a decent shapeshifter, so when I found Sayaka and Madoka, I decided to test how well I could destroy these young girls' lives. And that is how 'Homura Akemi' was born. You and Mami were simply added bonuses.”

“You're... You've always been Homura?” Kyoko asked.

“Every second. The time travel stuff... That was all a lie by the way. I'm good at that.”

“Yeah that's your speciality.”

Madoka turned her head downwards in realization. “You mean... I... We... But... Ewwwwwww!”

“The original plan was to create a seeming love triangle and break everyone's friendships apart,” Kyubey said. “However, once I realized that Madoka did not love me as I thought, it became much simpler. The marriage itself will be her undoing; the greatest witch of all time will be born!”

“You're an asshole,” Kyoko retorted.

“Touche.” Retort successful.

The judge eyed Kyubey suspiciously for a second. His composure then reaffirmed itself and his blasting words made themselves clear. “It is obvious now that this wedding cannot occur,” his voice sang out in a burst of kinetic force. “It is illegal for a human to marry an animal, much less an alien animal. I will not allow this.”

“Well then,” Kyubey said. His eyes suddenly glowed blue and his bunny things, Madoka's red ribbons tied around them, shook and rose up, pointing towards the sky. Out of the dozens of colorfully silly gondolas came more Kyubeys. Thousands more. “It's always fortunate that I plan for even the most unlikely of circumstances!”

Kyoko pondered this statement. “Actually it was a pretty likely outcome when you think ab- ohohohoh!” Madoka pulled her away as a dozen Kyubeys jumped at her with their razor-sharp teeth ready to chomp.

Sayaka took one look at the situation and started walking away. “Yeah, this ain’t my problem. I’m gonna go make out with Kyosuke. HEY BRO C’MON!” And they left the wedding, just like that.

Regardless of this, Madoka was unhindered. “This is something only one woman can handle.” Madoka pulled out her pink sombrero and tossed it as Zeus would a bolt of lightning. It plowed across the stage and cut through thirty Kyubeys in one fell swoop, and then flew back into her hand. She put the sombrero on her head. “Sheriff Kaname of Mexico is ready for duty.”

In an instant, Madoka's bow was drawn, and she began firing pink beams of light at a rapid pace. Kyoko acted less swiftly but with much more force as she drew her lance-nunchuck thing and made a 360-degree swing around her body, destroying all nearby Kyubeys. One magic arrow flew towards Kyoko, but she deflected it at more Kyubeys, who were instantly fried.

Kyoko bashed the butt of her weapon at a Kyubey behind her, but before it went down for good it grabbed hold of her ponytail. “Get it off! Get it off!” With marksman-like aim, Madoka shot it dead. Kyoko whipped her hair to swing it off. Her hair clip flew off as well, but she caught that. That… was important. She turned to face Madoka and thank her, and saw a heavy blush across her face. Then Kyoko realized her hair had fallen down. This wasn’t exactly good for combat, but she had to make do.

This battle continued for quite some time. The audience, which consisted mostly of magical girls already… Kind of just sat there. Kyoko got frustrated as she beat back this horde of hellspawn demon-cats and the guests did nothing.

“What are you guys doing?!” she barked.

Sakura raised her hand. “We don’t want to impede on your climax; if we all joined in it’d be too easy.”

“That’s… Really dumb, ok!” Kyoko struggled to find the right words to convey her sheer anger as she sliced four Kyubeys in half.

One of the thousand Cures now spoke. “Well consider that your enemy has just unleashed his final attack. That means he’s desperate, that he knows he’s about to lose.

“Am not,” said the glowing blue Kyubey in the center of the stage. The ribbons tied around his ears unfolded themselves and struck Madoka. They twisted around her neck and held her straight in the air.

“Ahh!” Madoka shrieked, gasping for breaths.

“Looks like you’re going to be strangled by the red string!” Oh no he didn’t. Only Kyoko could make puns that bad. She stopped fighting for a second to glare at his face, and he be nasty. She was immediately mauled by fifteen Kyubeys.

“Nooooooo!” Madoka reached her hand out and tried to shout, but she couldn’t manage it anymore. The sudden attack caught Kyoko off-guard, and she dropped her weapon, leaving her defenseless against the monsters.

As the Kyubeys bit at her relentlessly, all she could feel was pain, then sorrow-- she realized how worthless this whole journey, her whole life was--, then agony, then nothi