A rush of footfalls down the city street. Feet tapping the concrete and stone. Armor and weapons rattling. Breaths heavy. Distant gunfire.

A boom thumped and vibrated just a few blocks away.

I led the charge down the street. Behind me, Jenna and Vil and the Gimp King, and behind them, our forces.

The palace drew near. We hurried closer. Crossing a block, then another, leaping over a barricade, and crossing the last street before the palace walls and--

A building wall erupted in front of us, and a raid tank poured out--debris spilled across the hull and the turret aimed at us.

I aimed my Disperal Arm and fired Liquid Shield across our front line. Glowing blue wires of the protection spell shot up and out of the concrete, hardening just in time for the tank to fire its machinegun at us. Thumps and flashes and sparks rattled across the spell.

This killed our momentum.

Another tank appeared around the corner and waited for the spell to finish, and beyond it, royal guardsmen taking defensive positions.

We were pinned down.

Then I heard it far behind me. The roar of an engine. A familiar one. I turned to see a T-34/85 glittering in dragonscale armor, wrapped in spikes and guns and all sorts of nasty shit, and it zipped by--Jessie's grinning face blinked past--and the tank phased through the manawall and immediately came under fire from the enemy.

Jessie fired in return and didn't even stop. Her main gun exploded one tank, her heavy machinegun shredded the royal guardsmen, and she just gunned it straight past and slammed through the courtyard walls. The last enemy tank tried to give chase, but a pirate shot it with a shoulder-mounted rocket.

The way was open.

When hurried on, making it to the palace courtyard.

The pirates peeled left to take out the armory. The rebels went right to control the political prison. The gimps would circle around and penetrate the rear. Because innuendo.

With the regicide squad ready, we hopped over the wall and through the ruined garden. Jessie's tank idled by the daisies as she dueled another tank. An enemy shell ricocheted off her tank and howled past as we hurried through the plants and to the main doors.

They were barricaded with sandbags and furniture. Vil reached out and yanked them open with a ripping gust of wind, and the debris slid across the garden.

We hurried in, and the familiar smell of the Lambston castle hit me. It seemed just the other day I was here to poison the prince on Marianna's quest and again to kill the royal family. Now I was back to finish what I started.

We sprinted down the castle hallways. Maids scurried away at the sight of us, but for the most part, the castle was empty.

Strangely empty.

Soon, we arrived at the door to the throne room. The war outside was muffled through the thick castle walls, and the chandeliers shook with another distant explosion.

"This is it," Jenna said. She panted from the run over, and her musketeer outfit was burned and dirtied. "This is the final battle."

"Are you ready?" I asked.

She gripped her rapier. "Ready or not, we cannot fail."

I nodded at the others.

Vil nodded back. "It would be foul to chicken out as soon as we got here--three-out-of-three-point-four."

The Gimp King crossed his arms, winked back, and his bulge throbbed with readiness. "The world does not consent to her oppression, and thus she must be punished."

Bulwark arm activated.

Dispenser arm activated.

"I'll take that as a yes," I said.

I kicked open the doors, and they shattered and slid across the marble floor of the throne room.

Dust swirled.

Golden light flooded in from the ceiling stained-glass windows, spraying designs across the walls and the floor, and the velvet carpet ran across the room from our feet to the throne, and there, the queen sat.

Raven hair. Deep red lips. It was Marianna.

Her legs were crossed, and she rested her head on her hand as if bored. The sight of us bursting in, however, brought a playful scowl across her face. "Oh, there he is," she said. "There's that piece of trash. Tommy Magnum, the--what was it?--paladin, yes?"

Who the fuck is Tommy Magnum? "Obi Imsi," I said.

She raised her eyebrows and nodded. "Right. Oh, and--what's this?" She leaned forward in her seat. "Is that--" She burst into laughter. "Is that Victus? The Oppressor?"

The Gimp King's bulge throbbed angrily. "Countess Maria. It has been a long time."

Marianna grinned. "Oh, Victus. You'll love my gift for you today."

A gun fired. The blast echoed throughout the throne room.

It was Jenna. She fired a pistol at her, but Marianna's smile never wavered. Instead, her entire body seemed to ripple, and--fuck!--it was a hologram.

"Goodbye, Imsi and Victus," she sang. "And Vil, the traitor. And the cute little musketeer bitch who tried to shoot me." Her face darkened, and her eyes widened like a menacing wolf. "And say goodbye to all your friends and family and anyone who you've ever known."

She vanished.

And in her place, on the throne, was a large box wrapped in tarp. The gift, surely. Knowing her, it would probably just be a bomb.

Someone started clapping. We glanced around to search for the source, and we found a metal figure step out from behind the throne.

It was...

A trash knight.

Not just a trash knight, but a trash knight with the face of--

Ai-Gee.

He grinned with eyes wild, still clapping, and he said, "Oh, Imsi. The IRONY."

"How the fuck are you alive?" I said. "Dude, I ate your heart."

He smirked. "You don't get it, do you?" He gripped the tarp that was wrapped around the gift. "In order to defeat you, I had to SINK to your LEVEL, Imsi. I don't NEED A HEART." He chuckled. "Because, IMSI, I am now fifty percent man, fifty percent recycler." He thrust his metal fingers at me. "And one HUNDRED percent not gonna let you LEAVE HERE. ALIVE."

He ripped off the tarp, presenting to us a big bomb. On its face, glowing numbers counting down: Three minutes and twenty-seven seconds. Twenty-six. Twenty-five.

The Gimp King stepped back. His bulge throbbed in horror. "A nuke." He turned to me. "Redrim. This nuke will destroy the entire city. Including the ship."

2:19... 2:18... 2:17...

Ai-Gee burst into mechanical laughter. "PREPARE YOURSELF, IMSI!" His left arm reformed into a bulwark shield, and his right formed into a knife arm. "This will be out most EPIC and DRAWN-OUT, final battle that will--"

Shunk--

I stabbed him.

He shuddered in shock and pain and agony, his eyes rolled back, and he clacked across the floor.

Bitch, I had a nuke to worry about. I didn't have time for this shit.

The countdown continued.

1:45... 1:44... 1:43...

The others hurried over to the nuke. The Gimp King rushed to press buttons and fiddle with it, and Vil stomped around the room, searching for a solution.

Jenna spoke urgently through her earpiece comms.

"So, uh," I said, "What's up with the nuke?"

The Gimp King shook his head. "There is but one option. An option I have used once before." He turned to me with the expression of a noble. A man of honor. A king. "I'll use my Brutal Dominion ability to wrap the nuke in a protective bubble."

"But that would trap you in with it."

He nodded. "Yes, brother. But it's a sacrifice that will save countless."

1:22... 1:21... 1:19...

"Nah, don't do that. Why don't I just recycle it?"

His bulge throbbed with skepticism. "It's a bomb, Redrim. Unless you could recycle it all at once, you may inadvertently cause a premature detonation."

I sighed. I still wanted a nuke recipe because of reasons. But I would need to find some way to take it back to the ship and drop it into the main recycling chute if I wanted to recycle it.

For now, I'll just have to--

Hmm-click.

+1 Stop Potion

I pulled out the cork and poured the dark blue fluid across the nuke.

1:08... 1:08... 1:08...

"Cassandra, how long do we have for this stop spell to last?"

"Ten seconds."

Ah, shit. I had to keep pouring more Stop Potions on this shit?

Hmm-click-click-click.

+3 Stop Potions

1:08... 1:08... 1:07...

"What the fuck, Cassandra."

"Imsi," she said. "Stop spells have diminishing returns. At this moment, the nuke is now immune to Stop magic."

FUCK.

57... 56... 55...

"It was a good try, brother," said the Gimp King. "Now stand aside. Allow me this honor."

"No," I said. "I can figure something out. I just need more time."

43... 42... 41...

I rushed through my spell list for a solution. I could try to make the Gimp King's liquid protection spell, but no, that wouldn't work. Liquid magic is weaker than the source, and if I fucked up, it could cost everything.

If only I had a teleport spell. Maybe I could build a jet and send it off? No, not enough time.

22...21...20...

FUCK.

Footsteps tapped in through the doorway.

"Oh, hey, friends. What's up?"

It was Jessie, still wearing her lab coat, goggles, and booty shorts outfit.

She noticed the nuke.

"Oh shit, is that a nuke?"

She hurried up to us.

14...13...12...

And she snapped her fingers.

11... 1:00... 100:00... 999:99

"Dude," she told me. "We should recycle this."

"Yeah," I said. "I guess we could."