"Bullshit!"

"It happens," Jessie said behind me. "Sometimes you run out of luck."

"I don't need luck," I snapped back. "What I need is a better tank."

Vil looked around the forest. "Keep your voice down. They're still searching for us."

Tch. I looked back. Sure enough, electric lights from the tanks were moving around in the distance. They turned and headed back West, and right after, a line of other vehicles passed by. They were trucks. Like motorized covered wagons. Several of them.

Jessie was right. We had run up between two parts of the same army, it seemed, and there was no doubt it was the empire. I gripped my fist tight. Once I had the chance, I would rip them out of their fancy big tank and skin them alive. Then I'd wear the skin and act out their most embarrassing memories in front of them.

Truly, the most horrible way to kill a man.

We walked further into the forest, almost to the point of getting lost, and we stumbled upon a small pond. Fireflies glittered around, casting magical little glows in this fairy tale place.

The hero party laid the knight down in the grass. He was pale and breathing heavy, and he seemed unconscious.

I wanted to gloat at them, to tell them that they should've known what to expect, that if I wasn't there in my tank, that they would've been worse off at the dragon fight. But no. I didn't say that. For some reason, seeing all of their young and innocent faces twisted with distraught for their wounded comrade--it made me feel sorry for them.

A buncha wounded puppies. Weak and stupid.

I stepped over and towered over the group. They looked up at me with their sad little puppy dog eyes. Stupid little cute idiots.

"Your--your arm," the healer said. "Please, allow me to heal you."

I raised a hand to stop her.

"Cassandra, scan him."

She answered. "Scan complete. His wounds have been cleaned and closed by healing magic, but he has lost blood pressure."

"Measure his leg," I said.

"Complete. Shall I make him a spare?"

"Go ahead," I said.

Hmmm-click

+1 Artificial Leg (Common)

I pulled it out of my slot and dropped it beside him.

The heroes were taken aback. The mage furrowed his brow at me. "What manner of forbidden magic is this?"

I glared down at him. "Recycling magic."

He scratched his chin in thought.

Vil stepped over to join me. There was a hint of worry in his eyes, but his voice never betrayed him. "What's the plan? Can you still drive it, or do you need to make another?"

I gave it some thought. "I can't waste time making a new one. I'll go back and start work on it once I know we're safe." I looked at the others. "I'll make fabric for tents, and I'll craft some food and water for everyone. After that, I'll be working all night."

Vil took a deep breath and looked around. "Looks like I won't get to sleep much tonight either."

We both looked at our de facto group. The party sat around the knight's unconscious body, and Jessie just stood around kicking rocks. At least she had her clothes on.

It was time to get to work. Night had just set in, and if I wanted to at least upgrade my armor, I would need to start now.

I printed out the supplies the group needed, and when I was ready, I headed deeper into the forest. The mining lasers were loud, and I knew they needed their rest. Besides, I wanted to be alone for a minute.

Even with my left arm missing, I was able to activate Mining Mode. Once I was primed and ready to go, I pointed at the grass and started.

Bzzzzzz--

+10,200 Earth Element

--zzt!

+1,020 XP

Holy shit, it was loud. I needed to go deeper.

I walked along between the dark trees that towered ahead, zapping at things here and there, looking for a nice, quiet place to do my deed. Rocks, trees, flowers, even a squirrel. Nothing was safe from getting lasered tonight.

Before long, I found the bottom of a short cliff. I thought to climb it so I could see over the forest and look around, but something stuck out to me.

There was a cave entrance here.

Not just any cave entrance, but a familiar one. Obviously, being a man of noble name and station, I went in. Always go into strange caves alone.

It was dark. I crafted a few torches to light the way, and I used my tentacle arms to hold them around as I aimed my laser arms at any possible threat.

The caves were empty. There were some old bones here and there. A bunch of dust. A skeleton. A human skeleton. It wore leather armor that had long been eroded with time. In its little skeleton hand was a sword, just as rusted as anything else here.

This wasn't a cave. It was a dungeon.

The walls were chiseled with perfect edges and designs, and the floor was a patchwork of hewn stone. This was, without a doubt, a full-fledged dungeon.

Feeling confident, I went deeper in. Not necessarily to go dungeon diving, but--yeah, I was dungeon diving. The thought of fighting a monster boss in my current form sounded exciting, and consuming monster hearts gave me neat abilities, and more was better, right?

But this dungeon seemed... abandoned. There were monster bones scattered about. What kind? I looked closer. These were goblin skulls. Those things had been extinct for at least a century. How old was this dungeon?

Each room was an aftermath of a battle. Goblin skeletons ripped in half. Skulls shattered and scorched. Some still had arrows tucked in the rib cages.

Normally these dungeons would respawn the mobs after a victory since dungeons almost always won over their attacking adventurers. I myself had tried it once, to dungeon dive, aiming for that deepest level, that final boss, for the ultimate treasure within. But I was young then and under-leveled.

Not anymore.

I continued through the maze of rooms, all were looted, and I soon found the stairs to continue deeper. I hurried down.

As soon as I turned into a long hall, I stepped on a square the depressed into the floor--a trap!

I braced.

Something clicked on the far end.

Nothing happened.

I shrugged and continued on.

Did the last adventurer group slay the dungeon? Maybe they found the dungeon's core and killed it. Surely that was why this place was empty.

I kept going deeper through the floors until I reached the first boss room. It was a wide area, an arena, with a single throne at the end. Several braziers had been set up the length of the room but had extinguished ages ago. The fuel had finally burnt out.

And the mid-boss? Dead. It was a chunky, meaty goblin judging by the size of its bones, and judging by the long spear that pinned it to the far wall, I knew the dungeon delvers had slain it.

I dug around for the loot.

The chest was empty.

I wasn't done yet. I needed to know what happened after. Maybe the heroes died? Maybe there was still a boss waiting for me. The dungeon called for me, and I answered.

I hurried through the floors now, down several more levels, until I found the next boss room. It was a snake boss. A dead one. An axe had been buried into its skull, and the loot was missing. Surely a better axe was in it.

I continued down, deeper, through some dozens of more rooms until I finally reached the final boss floor. I could tell it was the final floor because it was shaped like one.

A scarlet-red carpet ran the length of a great hall, statues stood proudly on either side, and on the far end, massive doors that glittered with gold.

This was it.

As I walked over, I could hear something. Sounds--no--it was music. Boss music! I sprinted down the hall and burst through the doors, aiming my laser arms like cannons, ready to blast anything.

There was nothing.

It was a huge room lit by mana lights all around the walls, and the entire place seemed etched with gold designs. The scarlet-red carpet led to a mighty throne in the center, which was empty.

But I had finally found what remained of the heroes.

The final boss was a minotaur. It was on its knees, held up by a spear in its chest. The arms and head dangled. Its skin had been mummified by some kind of ice spell, but its organs had rotted out forever ago. Kneeling in front of him was the paladin, or rather, a skeleton wearing the paladin's armor. He must've bled to death, judging by the stains in the carpet. His sword and shield had been dropped beside him, and from his posture, I knew he died a warrior's death.

On the far wall, the mage, or what was left of him. His robes had been ripped to shreds along with his bones. Maybe he died like that, or maybe rats came in to scatter his remains. There was no telling.

On the ground nearby, the bones of a healer. The robes looked intact, but I wasn't sure how she died. Maybe from the heartbreak of watching her comrades get slain.

But there was one missing. The spearman. At first, I didn't see his body, but I found a clue. A thick trail of blood. Judging by the stains in the carpet and floor, he must've been mortally wounded, crawling along to get that final chest. I followed the trail, and I found him.

A skeleton in leather armor, one arm reaching for the final chest--unopened.

Loot!

"Fuck outta here, loser!" I kicked the bones way. They scattered in dust. Then, I kicked open the chest.

It hissed.

I readied my lasers to blast it.

Green smoke shot out. Poison gas. Really? Even if those dungeon divers beat this place, they would've just been choked to death by the poison. That is unless the healer was alive. And she wasn't.

I looked inside and saw nothing but a now-empty gas trap. Nothing I could even recycle. What a waste of time.

I turned to leave but paused.

Then, I felt my metal skin crawl up my back.

Why did I still hear boss music?

A cage slammed down in the middle of the arena, casting a snapping echo. The metal bars clinked off and plinked around, revealing the true final boss.

A dead final boss.

It was probably the goblin king, hiding up there in the cage, waiting for the perfect time to strike, but... obviously, that never happened. The swollen skeleton just kinda sat there sadly. Maybe it starved to death?

Tragic.

Not the fact that everything fuckin' died, but because I couldn't use shit in this place. Not even the leftover armor was enchanted. It was just regular armor.

I groaned.

But wait. Where was the dungeon core?

"Imsi," Cassandra said. "I'm detecting trace amounts of Cosmic Essence. Shall I activate Cosmic Field scanning?"

"Do it."

The vision overlay blinked on, and for a while, I saw nothing different. I looked up, down, across, and when I turned around to look behind the throne, I spotted it. The faintest puff of blue mist from behind the wall.

Bzzz-

+10,200 Earth Element

--zzt!

+51,000 XP

It was a false wall that led into the chamber of the dungeon heart, a small room with four pillars, blood red, and in the center a pedestal. It held what looked like a scarlet crystal, but the color had drained from it long ago.

Maybe it somehow got stuck and forgot to reset. Maybe it got bored. Maybe it just died from old age.

I shrugged, then I zapped it.

Bzzzzzt!

+5,100 Fire Element

+5,100 Blood Element

+51,000 XP

+1 Dungeon Core