《Trash Knight: System Recycler: A litRPG Satire that No One Asked For》69: Real Heroes Never Get Ambushed

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"How about Recycle Crew?" I said.

Vil shook his head from the driver's seat. We hit a bump, and the adventurers riding on the roof grunted. "Sounds terrible, Redrim."

"Guild Garbage?"

"No."

"Garbage Guild."

"That's the same thing, but in reverse," Vil said.

"I give up," I said.

"Good."

The silence in the tank returned, and there was naught but the hum of the engine. The adventurers rode above us, their conversations sporadic at first, happy and filled with life, but as the evening came to a close, they grew tired.

I had expected them to just follow us on horseback, but the temple had already stolen their horses and sold them off. Not only that, but those conniving little shithead priests even blackmailed them into giving the temple most of their loot. I had a mind to barge into the temple and recycle the flesh of everyone inside, but I knew that it would be unbecoming of an honorable Trash Knight.

Outside, the sun hung low on the horizon, and through the open driver's hatch, I could see the dull blue light of sunset around.

We hit another bump. The adventurers grunted above.

"Redrim," Vil said. "We should make camp soon."

"Why?" I asked. "We're only a few hours away."

"And a day too early," he said back. "We have time. We should rest well for once."

I considered it. Vil still hadn't gotten a good night's sleep since we had been running wild for days now. Besides that, I knew the adventurers above were getting tired from all the bumps, not to mention exhausted from the dragon raid, and I didn't want them rolling off the tank at this speed.

"Go ahead," I told him. "Find a good place for us to camp."

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We rode for a little while longer, the sky got darker, and just before we were unable to see much in front of us, Vil pulled off the dirt road and into a wide grassy area.

I stuck my head out of the hatch to take a look around.

The dirt road sat on our left, and on the other side of it, a forest that thickened further in. On our side of the road was a wide patch of green fields with overgrown grass. On the far end, the forest spilled across the road, and the treeline was maybe 300 meters ahead of us.

"Ah, Sir Redrim," said the knight from atop the tank. "Pray tell will we be sleeping here tonight? We could indeed use a rest after today's battle."

"Verily," I said.

I shot a manipulator arm into a nearby socket to tether with the tank, and mentally I brought up the work order to make tents and food for everyone.

Vil squeezed past me to leave. "We need a night watch," he said. "We can divide our sleeping hours and work in shifts."

"I'll be the watch," I said. "I don't sleep."

Vil opened his mouth to speak, but we were interrupted by a deafening THOONNG!

It rattled the entirety of the tank and slammed me against the back wall. The echo faded, then silence.

No one spoke. The world was quiet.

Then, a distant puff of an explosion, and--

THOONNG!

I winced, opened my eyes, and spotted a large, gaping, perfectly circular hole in the front right of the tank. Was that always there? From the hole, I could see all the way down to the treeline, and there, hidden beneath the darkness of a tree, was a familiar shape.

A distant flash and a thump.

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It was a tank!

An explosion slammed into us. The flames poured into the tank, dust plumed around, then the light of it expired.

Vil gathered himself in the smoking tank and tried to dig his way to the driver's seat. It was missing. The entire front of the tank had been shredded.

Outside, screaming. The adventurers were yelling about something, but I didn't hear. My mind had gone into full battle mode, and I had just loaded a Default-HEAT shell.

Vil squeezed by me to climb out of the hatch. "Retreat and regroup, Redrim."

"No," I said back.

He scoffed and jumped out of the tank.

I looked down the scope to aim. The treeline was too dark. I couldn't see shit.

"He's right," said Jessie. She was still cuffed, sitting by my legs. "At this point, you should escape."

"Shut up." I took aim.

Flashes in the distance. Several! It was more than one tank! Just as I pulled the trigger, we rocked with piercing tank fire. Their AP shells ripped right through the armor, punching holes through us like butter.

Bullshit.

My shot was off target. I tried to load a new round.

My left arm was missing.

"There's no point," Jessie said. "They got the jump on you. It was just bad luck."

"Bullshit!" I snapped back.

My tentacle arms shot out and loaded a new round. HEAT again.

A shell slammed against the turret. The clanging echo pulsed through me.

I aimed.

Click. No effect.

They got the main turret! Fuck!

Jessie snapped off her handcuffs and started to climb around me. "Die if you want," she said. "I wanna keep this body intact for a while."

I boiled over with rage. Through the shredded armor, I could see in the distance those enemy tanks. With each flash of gunfire, with each instant of light revealing their shapes, I could see that they were different. Sleeker. Bigger.

"Fine! Damnit!"

I reached in the crafting drawer, and took all 10 smoke grenades, then lobbed them around. They blanketed the area in thick smoke.

Another tank round ricocheted off the side. One punched through the front and out of the floor. A third thumped in the dirt nearby.

Molt.

I threw the tank in reverse as it shed its outer layer, then I turned and floored it. The engine coughed and sputtered, practically limping across the now-smoke-covered street, and I made it across, now weaving through the trees as I raced into the thick of the forest.

Once I found a spot covered with underbrush, I killed the engine and hopped out. Vil had caught up to me, and with some quick thinking, he cast a few earth spells to cover the tank with moss and ivy.

Back toward the road, the others hurried over. They were struggling to carry someone--the knight. He grunted in agony. His leg was missing, and blood poured from the wound.

Vil went over to help heal. They paused as they stopped the knight's bleeding, the healer put him to sleep, and they carried the wounded hero up to me.

"Redrim," Vil said. "Leave the tank here. You can make a new one if they find it."

I said nothing. I still simmered in anger. When they hurried past me, I followed.

The enemy's engines were roaring down the road now. They may come looking. They may not.

But through the thickness of the trees, I saw it as it blinked past.

A massive, colossal tank. Two or three times the size of my own.

It was a raid boss tank.

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