The huge face of a dragon thrust out of the cave. The scales a gradient of red and yellow and black. Eyes wide. Claws the size of three men. It even had a legendary mane.

It opened its mouth--a mouth full of fangs--and roared.

A blast of hot wind pulsed out from it. The forest trees shook. Branches cracked and toppled. Leaves faded from green to red.

"Scan complete," said Cassandra. "This is a level 99 Elder Dragon. It is listed as a Raid Boss."

"I know."

I pulled the trigger. The main tank gun fired, the shell zipped across the length of the forest clearing, over the heads of the terrified heroes, and exploded right as it made contact with the dragon's nose. A honeycomb web of glowing blue lines shot out, trapping the dragon in the cave.

It wouldn't last long.

The knight stepped back. I could see the fear reaching into him.

I yelled. "The tank! Get back in the tank!"

The party shook off the fright, turned on their heels, and bolted.

The manashield spell began to blink. It wouldn't last long enough.

We could continue to shoot at the dragon while it was distracted with the adventurers, but they'd die in a hurry, no doubt. Or we could save them.

I made my choice.

"Floor it," I ordered.

The engine howled as Vil put us at full speed ahead, rushing to make it to the adventurers in time.

Forty meters there.

The manashield began to blink away.

Thirty meters.

The dragon dug at it with its claws.

Twenty.

The archer stumbled. The knight stopped to help her up.

Ten.

The spell clicked off. The dragon shot out, showing us all the extent of its size and power. This thing was a monster. The size of several airships put together, and for a split second, I felt the hopelessness of despair.

It galloped toward the heroes. The earth trembled beneath its weight and power.

I fired again--Spidersilk HE.

The shell hit the dragon's cheek, then exploded in countless white threads. The threads snapped off with ease--it was ineffective!

I thought quick.

Hmm-click.

+1 Beast Lure Potion

Vil hit the brakes hard, and we slid to a stop right before the party.

We weren't fast enough! The dragon pounded right up to us--

I opened the hatch with the potion in hand--

The dragon reared back its claws to attack--

I threw the potion, aiming for the trees--

The potion slipped out of my fingers--

--and shattered on the hull of the tank.

The dragon paused.

The adventurers stopped.

Vil groaned beneath me.

And the spell of the potion plumed a pink fog.

The dragon stomped toward us--perfect! We'll be the bait! It worked out!--and just as I loaded a default HE round, it slapped the side of the tank, and we spun over. I slammed against the wall, Vil was knocked out of his seat, and the tank shook and rattled.

We were stunned, and since I was tethered to the tank, I felt the pain across my metal skin. Fuck, it stung.

I struggled to my feet--slam!

It hit us again. We had spun around completely!

Then, the unexpected.

The dragon shuffled over us, pinning the hull of the tank beneath its torso.

What? What is it doing?

The dragon took a deep, deep sniff of my tank and let out a low growl.

The adventurers gasped.

"Redrim!" Vil shouted. "What's happening?"

I didn't answer. I couldn't. Not because I didn't know what was happening, but because I did know. I knew too terribly well.

I was tethered to the tank, so the skin of the hull was my skin, and I felt everything.

This wasn't a girl dragon. It was a dude. And I felt the heat of its massive dragon dong slide beneath the tank--no--beneath me.

My eyes widened in horror. "Oh, no."

"Redrim!"

"Drive!" I shouted.

The treads squealed and gripped at the grass and gravel, but--oh no--the dragon gripped us on either side with its claws.

"We're stuck," he said.

"It's gonna fuck us!" I snapped.

The dragon thrust. The tank shook.

I stumbled, got my bearings, and wheeled the turret to aim--fuck--the turret couldn't aim at its head! It was too high!

"What was in that goddamn potion, Redrim?"

"It was a beast lure!"

The dragon thrust again.

I tried to turn the turret around. I would shoot it in the gut.

Slam. Slam-slam-slam.

We were getting fucked by a raid boss! The raid boss was fucking the tank! My skin crawled, my hands trembled as I gave up spinning the turret--it was too slow.

Hmmm-click.

+1 Nullify Potion

I opened the hatch and smashed the potion on the metal of the turret. The spell shot out a shockwave of cleansing blue air, dissipating the beast lure spell.

The dragon thrust once more then paused, took a deep, deep whiff of my poor, violated tank, then dismounted me.

It let out an angry roar of sexual dissatisfaction, the wings flapped out wide, and it took off. Wind and dust swirled behind it, and it shot up into the air, howling along the way.

I opened the hatch and waved over the young heroes. "Get the fuck in!"

They hurried over, faces still red with the embarrassment of having seen a very personal moment between a dragon and a battle tank, and they climbed in, squeezing past me to shuffle inside.

The hatch slammed shut.

The dragon roared above as it circled us.

"Drive!" I ordered.

The tank revved, and we took off toward the treeline. Where there was once a green forest was now a sea of red and yellow leaves, bright and vibrant and vivid.

"Sir," gasped the knight. "What in the nine hells is this poor woman doing all chained up?" He pointed at Jessie.

"Now is not the time," I said as I loaded another tank round.

The healer scanned Jessie's body. "Your poor woman," she said. "Has this man kidnapped you?"

I looked through the scope. The dragon zipped around too fast for me to aim. "Don't bother her," I demanded. "It’s a fetish thing."

Jessie nodded.

"Redrim," shouted Vil. "Above!"

I elevated the turret, and through the scope, I spotted the dragon just sort of levitating in one spot. Its mouth was open, and magic energy was flowing into it as liquid and gas. It was casting a spell!

I pulled the trigger--Anti-Creeper HE.

It slammed against the dragon's gut and exploded as a cloud of purple smoke--a sleep spell--but, oh no, the cloud of smoke pulled into the dragon's cast. It was absorbing it!

The dragon's spell stopped channeling. It gulped hard, then opened its maw again. Purple smoke reformed into--oh shit!--a tank shell! It aimed at us, then fired.

The tank clanged with a hard echo, and the purple smoke of a sleep spell poured into the tank from the vents, and almost instantly, everyone dropped asleep. Vil, the heroes, even fuckin' Jessie. But I was not affected, no, for I was the Trash Knight, and trash cans don't have lungs.

I started to reload--Default Armored Piercing--and then I heard another roaring hum of power. It was the dragon. From its jaw, a prismatic array of colors formed and swirled into a magic circle. I had read about this, I remembered. It was the ultimate attack!

My crew was asleep! We're fucked!

Hmm-click.

+1 Nullify Grenade

I slammed it onto the floor of the tank. The blue air of the spell pulsed out, and everyone jolted awake.

The dragon shrieked in victory. It reared back its head for the final cast.

And shot it.

A beam of pure light energy and condensed mana erupted outward, a shockwave that ripped the grass and dirt and trees and set the air ablaze, and the spell hit us, the sheer power of this spell consuming the tank, all around us, and--I blinked.

We were alive? We were alive!

The healer and mage had raised their staffs and were channeling a protection spell--Manawall.

"I-I can't hold it," said the healer.

"We'll last as long as we can," said the mage, trying too hard to sound cool.

Together they yelled in a battle cry, a rising crescendo as their voices blended together, the roar of the dragon's ultimate getting stronger, the light brighter, the heroes wavering, and just as the healer passed out and the manawall clicked off--

The dragon's spell finished.

We lived! Take that, you piece-of-shit dragon raid boss!

I looked back at the dragon. It landed for a quick rest. Around us, a forest of dead trees, the red leaves scattered across the ground, and a dragon glowering down at us.

I aimed and fired.

Thoom!

It was an armored piercing shell; there was no way it couldn't--

It plinked off. The dragon's skin rippled with magic protection, but it didn't penetrate. It was only enraged.

Fucking bullshit.

Vil fired the front-facing machine gun--tak, tak, tak, tak, tak.

It was a waste of time. The tracing threads of machinegun fire just plinked right off the dragon, causing its protective aura to shimmer. There was no telling just how much HP that thing had.

The dragon stomped over. Now it was time for a brawl.

Bulwark Mode (Left) activated.

Turret Mode (Right) activated.

Heart of the Masochist activated.

Emergency Power activated.

I should've had my masochist buff on this entire time, but now was the first chance I had to use it.

The dragon rumbled closer.

An auxiliary, tank-length shield was built on my left and a cannon array on my right.

I reloaded--Nullify AP.

I pulled the trigger.

The dragon clawed us, and the tank shook and fired off-target. My bulwark shield soaked the damage.

The dragon roared, then clawed again. No, it was practically punching us.

The tank rocked and rattled, the young heroes screamed and held on tight, Vil fired the machine gun until empty,

I couldn't aim the cannon array without seeing, so I raised the guns and fired blindly.

Explosions slammed against the dragon, and it howled in pain. Yes! We were chipping it away.

The dragon gripped the right cannon array--metal twisted and screeched--and he ripped it right off.

I loaded a Default-HEAT shell. Took aim.

The dragon reared back as it cast a spell--

The mage cast a manawall--

And hot white flames bathed the tank just as I pulled the trigger.

Vil reversed us several meters to get out of the fire.

"My magic!" the mage said. "It's nullified my magic. I can’t cast anything."

I looked through the scope. I had hit the dragon in the mouth, and smoke and flames blossomed out as the dragon shook back.

"You got it," shouted the knight. "Press on the attack, Sir Redrim! With your help, we'll defeat this foul beast!"

The dragon shook off the fire and darted up in flight again.

I reloaded--another Default-HEAT shell.

Beside my leg, the healer rustled awake, and the archer fed her potions.

"We're sitting ducks here," Vil said. He put the tank in gear and started off.

The dragon howled and roared above us, circling around like a vulture.

It dove and breathed a line of fire at us. "Vil!" I commanded. He yanked us to the left to dodge. Violet flames shot past us, so hot that the trees melted. What the fuck?

The tank spun out in the grass, and I used the momentum to swing the turret over. I saw the dragon flying away, its rear facing us, and I fired.

It missed completely.

The knight drew his sword. "Drive me closer! I shall best the creature with my own sword!"

"That's probably the worst--" Too late. Before I could finish, the knight and the rest of his party filed out of the hatch and stood on the tank.

"Vil," I ordered. "Don't let us get hit!"

The knight's voice was muffled above. "Fight me, dragon, you coward! Show me your power, you dumb beast of the forest!"

The dragon turned in its flight and came back.

This ballsy little shit was gonna get burned to a crisp. "Vil!"

"On it," he said back.

The tank speed through the dead trees and we broke into the part of the red forest untouched by the battle. The bright red canopy of leaves hid us from the dragon.

"Drive us back!" shouted the knight. "I wish to hit it with my sword!"

"Get back in the fuckin' tank!" Ugh, these idiots. I would need to do everything for them.

Hmmm-click.

+1 Tank Shell: Nullify / Emulsification HEAT

My magnum opus. The nullification half of the payload would hopefully kill its magic aura, while the emulsification poison would eat through its flesh. I dubbed it the Dragon Killer.

The dragon flew around the dead trees in search of us, then paused, then spotted us.

I took aim.

The dragon dove. It's jaw opened, big enough to swallow us whole.

The heroes jumped off the tank and rolled to dodge.

And I fired.

The tank shell shot through the dragon's shoulder--clean through. The poison didn't even activate in time!

The dragon's body shook from the force of the hit, and it dropped right in front of us. Then, it breathed out a pale blue flame. No, it was ice! The spell splashed against us, the deafening sound of water freezing solid came from every direction. The tank was frozen in place! Shards of ice overlayed us, hyper-dense, and when Vil tried to drive us out of it, the treads wouldn't even move. Not even the turret would budge.

Fuck! The heroes!

I looked over. The party reformed a stone's throw beside us, and they threw spells and arrows at it. The dragon winced from the plink damage and turned to them. Now they had aggro.

"Vil, break us out!"

"My legs are frozen!"

Hmm-click.

+1 Nullification Potion

I slammed it on the ground, the blue light sent a shockwave out, but... the ice remained. It was too high of a level. We were fucked.

The dragon growled and grunted as it attacked the heroes. It swiped the knight--his shield ripped right off his arm.

I tried to burst out of the hatch. It was frozen solid.

The mage cast a fireball. The dragon absorbed it, reflected it, and the mage was hit and burning.

The healer struggled to heal everyone at once. She doused the flames--the dragon slashed at the archer, but the knight took the damage, and both toppled back.

"Open, motherfucker!" I pushed, I punched, I tried to force my way out of the hatch, but it didn't budge.

The healer cast a golden-white magic dome around her and her comrades—a protection spell. The dragon breathed fire over her, but the dome repelled it.

The dragon raised its head to the sky and let out a shrieking roar, so powerful the shockwave burst through us and shattered the ice.

No, not just a roar, but a spell. An anti-magic field that glittered with static all around us. The dragon just nullified all magic nearby.

I loaded the round--Emulsification HE.

The turret was facing the opposite direction. I wheeled it over to aim.

The healer's protective dome was gone. It was nullified.

The dragon growled as it eased over young heroes.

Fuck! The turret was too slow! I wasn't even halfway there!

"Vil!" I shouted.

He knew what to do, and the tank began to turn, speeding up my aim.

The dragon reared back its massive claws. I wouldn't make it in time!

The knight took his final stand. "O Ring of the Chosen! Give me your power!"

The dragon roared its final roar--a war cry of victory—and it swiped its claws.

The turret yanked over so fast the tank shook, it aimed itself in an instant, and I fired.

An explosion rocked the dragon. The force pulsed throughout its body, black smoke and red flames bloomed from its neck, and soon--yes, it worked--the green splatter of emulsification poison covered it.

The dragon's skin bubbled as if boiling. It shrieked in pain. The boils on its flesh erupted. Blood poured.

It stumbled back and shrieked again.

And the knight leapt with his sword aimed true. Through the smoke and blood, the knight hooked onto the dragon's scales--the dragon writhed and shook--and the knight rammed his sword into the bubbling wound.

And with that, the dragon paused. It tilted. Slowly. And slammed into the dirt limp.

I breathed a heavy sigh of relief, but I felt someone staring.

I looked over at Jessie. She looked back with the faintest hint of a smirk.