While the adventurers were taking care of things before the quest, Vil and I returned to the barn to take care of things here.

I wanted to make the tank battle-ready since this was obviously a dragon-slaying quest, and even though the young heroes intended to slay it on their own, Vil and I both agreed that we should 100% expect things to go tits up.

As they do.

So the first thing was to refuel the tank. According to the schematics that I could mentally look over, the tank had its own resource storage and transmutation pipe that led into the main engine. By injecting a manipulator arm into the tank's storage, either from inside the tank or through the hatch on the rear armor, I could transfer any amount of resources that I wanted.

It had a fuel tank that could store up to 460,000 Fire Element, which was a fuckload. Since Fire Element was rare as all hell, I would need to transmute it from 920,000 Earth or Water, the most common elements. With my recycling rate of 10,200 element per second, filling up the entire tank would only take a minute and a half or so. Not a bad deal.

I actually spent about 5 minutes drilling into the barnyard floor--a really, really deep and narrow hole--to stock up on resources. It was apparent that the hero party would take a while.

+3,060,000 Earth Element

+306,000 XP

Tank Fuel: 133,900 / 460,000 ( F )

-652,200 ( E )

+326,100 ( F )

Tank Fuel: 460,000 / 460,000 ( F )

Resources: 2,407,800 ( E )

It filled the tank's resource storage to the brim, but now we were set for just about anything. Now I just needed to make ammunition for the main gun. I had stock versions of the tank shells--High Explosive, Armored Piercing, High Explosive Anti-tank--but those just weren't nearly cool enough.

I wanted enchanted tank rounds. In the same way that I crafted poison-tipped arrows, I should've been able to make a poison-tipped... bullet. But that was poison. Potions were a bit different. The good potions were always enchanted or embued with some magical property, which usually required either throwing the potion to activate--and shattering the bottle--or by pouring the potion out. Either way, the magic would react with air and spark the spell.

Because of this, I couldn't just make a Blind Potion and pour it over a High Explosive round. It would just be casting a blind spell on tank ammo. Pointless. Instead, I could replace some or all of the shell's payload with the potion's contents. That way, the potion should activate when the tank round made contact with my target.

A genius plan.

"Imsi," said Cassandra. "If you wish to craft items in bulk, you may tether to the tank and use its interface to create a work order. This will allow the tank to craft items on its own while using your recipes and blueprints."

Fuck, this was cool.

Since I was still plugged in, I mentally went into my stat information and found the crafting tab for the tank. Then, I put in my work order.

Ammunition: 10 AP: Armored Piercing 10 HE: High Explosive 10 HEAT: High Explosive Anti-tank 5 Emulsification HE 5 Emulsification HEAT 5 Manashield HE 5 Nullification HE 5 Nullification AP 5 Blind HE 5 Freeze HE 5 Anti-Creeper HE 1 Spider Silk HE 1 Confusion HE 1 Confetti Blast HE 1 Banshee Wail HE 1 Stink Bomb HE 1 Glamor HE 1 Charisma (M) HE 1 Beast Lure HE 1000 7.62x54mmR LMG Section Total: 641,000 Earth Element Equipment: 2 Tanker's Goggles, Black (Common) 2 Pair Tanker's Gloves, Brown (Common) 2 Cyberleather Cloaks, Black (Rare) 2 Pairs Handcuffs 1 Pair Binoculars Section Total: 185,000 Earth Element Consumables: 10 Mana Potions 10 Health Potions 10 Manashield Potions 10 Smoke Grenades Section Total: 8,800 Earth Element Other: 2 Ham Sandwiches (No Tomato) 10 Bottles of Water 10 False Gold Coins Section Total: 2,002 Earth Element Total Cost: 836,802 ( E ) Resources: 1,570,998 ( E )

The tank hummed as it started the crafting process. Muffled little clicks and clacks echoed within as it began to churn out the tank rounds and other stuff.

Excellent. I thought about going ahead and upgrading the tank's armor and engine, but to be honest, this thing seemed indestructible. Not even I was able to kill this tank head-on, so surely not even some limp, old dragon's fire breath would do anything.

Truth be told, I was just lazy. Upgrading this thing meant that I could need to strip everything out and pretty much remake it from scratch. Gross.

I smirked at this beautiful tank. I had fallen in love with it. It wasn't just an armored fighting vehicle. It was a mobile recycling, crafting, and storage platform.

We loaded Jessie into the tank, and I chained her up in the back, leaving her mouth uncovered and her hands just free enough that she could eat or drink. Inside the tank, there was a pull-out drawer where the crafted items would drop into, and I slid it out, took the sleek black cloaks, and offered one to Vil.

He studied the fabric. "What is this?"

"Cyberleather," I told him. "I got the recipe from something called a Cave Gimp."

"Redrim, I don't believe that's actually a thing. I think you just made it up." He stuck his arms in and admired himself.

Not gonna lie; he looked at least 35% more badass with it on.

Just as I started to tell him the story of the dungeon dive for the cosmic shard, the barn doors opened. Light slipped in, and four figures equipped with battle gear and confident grins stood in the sunlight.

"Well, my new comrades, are you ready to hunt a dragon?" It was the young knight. He was in full knight's armor now, a set of plate mail that shimmered white and blue. He carried a tall shield on his back, and his sword hung on his waist.

Beside him, the healer. Strawberry blonde hair that poured out of her hood. White and red robes, a long staff with flowers on the end, typical healer gear.

Next was the mage, a young guy with a smug expression that seemed almost permanently etched into his face. He wore black robes with strange little magic circle designs. I had seen it before. This was a rare-level quest reward from earlier in the main questline.

The archer stood in the back, a dark-haired and freckled girl, a young adult like the rest. I knew she was an archer because she was dressed like one.

"Ride on the top," I said. "We don't really have the room for you all inside."

"Of course!" Knight said. "I was about to suggest the same, for the sensation of wind flowing through my hair breathes adventure into my soul!"

This guy was way too enthusiastic. I halfway expected them to just die in the dragon fight. Part of me wanted him to. He was a Chosen One, just as I used to be, but he was a fraud. Hell, the entire thing turned out to be a fraud. His death would be a victory over the dumbass temple for their lies and deception.

When the party took their seats atop the tank, we set out. Vil wanted to drive this time and to be fair, I wanted to man the tank cannon.

It wasn't a long trip. Just a half-hour of driving West on the main road--twenty kilometers or so--and when the river bridge came into view, Knight told us to pull over. Vil eased off the well-traveled dirt road and into the grass. The tank bobbed as we went off-road, and the treads gripped the grass.

There was a small forest here, split by the river. The trees were spaced enough for us to drive through, and Vil took us forward at the Knight's request. He drove with caution.

Looking through the scope, I could see we were approaching a--I guess I would call it--a mountain, but it felt wrong. It was more like a huge meteor that had crashed here, in a relatively flat area, and over time the weather and rain chiseled it into a vague, pointy, villainous mountain shape with pointy tips and knife-edge corners. This was most certainly the dragon's nest.

There was a cave ahead. A real spooky, dark-looking cave that sat right at the end of a long clearing. Or rather, the trees around the mouth of the cave had been ripped away by something big.

Vil eased to a stop, and he killed the engine. It sputtered and whirred to sleep. Then, silence. None among us moved. We all listened. There was naught but the wind in the trees. Not even the birds made a peep.

Finally, Knight spoke. "Wait here," he whispered. "I won't suffer to make you fight with us, as this is our quest."

"Have fun," I said as I stared down at the cave.

The hero party dismounted, drew their weapons, and slowly stepped toward the cave. It was about 40 meters away, but they were prepared for an ambush. Each party member cast their defensive buffs on the others, and soon they each glowed with a faint prismatic array of colors.

Vil and I watched from atop the tank. He munched on a sandwich, almost like a picnic, and I watched the young heroes through my pair of binoculars.

"I enchanted the tank shells," I told him.

"Oh yeah?" he said with a mouth full. He gulped and swigged from the bottle of water. "I thought recyclers didn't have the mana to enchant."

"I used potions."

"Clever." He wiped his mouth. "You know I can enchant, right? I'm also a level 25 Enchanter."

I chuckled. "Goddamnit, Vil. You should've told me."

"You never asked." He yawned and leaned back on the turret. He was now sunbathing in the shadows of leaves like a housecat.

The heroes reached the cave now, and they reformed into a battle formation. Knight in front, healer behind him, DPS spread out in the back. The knight turned to the archer and said something too far to hear, and the archer nocked an arrow. She fired it into the darkness of the cave, and a small pop echoed within.

Strange sounds poured from the cave, a series of twisted shrieks, typical dragon noises.

The heroes braced.

The dragon shot out from the cave, spotted them, and screeched. It was a forest dragon, all right, but something felt wrong about this. I couldn't put my hand on it.

The scales were--as the legends said--the colors of the forest. Shades of green so dark that some scales looked black. The wings were thick with a wide wingspan. Scary-looking talons. And the arms--wait, no. There weren't any arms. Just two legs and two wings.

Wow. This was so lame.

As the knight charged into the forest dragon and the dragon breathed hot fire at him, the battle began, and I was already bored.

It seemed that the temple lied yet again. When I was on this quest those countless years ago, they had built up this dragon as some unconquerable force, with a long list of battle mechanics and weaknesses and little tips to help us win. I had forgotten them long ago, but now seeing this underwhelming little shit of a dragon, I saw that we wouldn't even need it.

"You know," Vil said. He had sat up and was now staring at the battle. "The mouth of that cave seems awfully big."

He was right. That little dragon was maybe the size of a small house, but the cave entrance was huge. Maybe three or four stories tall as it was wide.

Then, somehow, a spark of a memory came to me--an old painting of a dragon seen back at the cathedral. It was depicted as huge, strong enough to fell armies, with scales that mimicked the color of the forest. But in that painting, the forest around it wasn't green. The trees were red and yellow.

"Ah, fuck," I said. "Get in the tank."

"That isn't the dragon, is it?" He said as he dropped inside and crawled to his seat.

"That's not a dragon." I squeezed in behind him and loaded a Manashield HE round. "That's a wyvern. It doesn't have arms."

Then, I stuck my head out of the hatch. "Hey, you little shits! Don't kill that!"

The heroes didn't hear. They had the wyvern surrounded, wounded and bloodied.

I used the loudspeaker. "Don't kill that fuckin--"

The knight did a running leap and drove his sword into the heart of the wyvern. It shrieked with enough power to send a shockwave, then keeled over dead.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "For fuck's sake."

Vil said nothing. He turned over the engine, and the tank revved to life.

I yelled again. "Get in the fuckin' tank!"

They heard me that time. The knight turned, tired and dirty and covered with soot, and he grinned and raised his fist in victory.

Idiot.

The earth trembled, once, twice, faster. The tree branches shook. I felt the danger of a raid boss rattle from the ground to the tank and up through my legs.

Yet somehow, the danger pulled a rise out of me. A sexual rise. And by that, I mean it gave me a boner. A metaphorical one.

For what better way to test out our new main battle tank than to slay an ancient dragon?