Continuing, we came upon a gargantuan spiral staircase that stretched upwards endlessly. I didn’t understand why someone would bother constructing something so grand this far below the surface, but regardless of the in-universe justification, it was probably really lucky or something, somehow.

We climbed for a few minutes without making any progress. “We’re going to starve before we make it up.” Sally seemed really serious about this for some stupid reason, but I ignored his pessimism.

It took a lot longer than I would have expected, but a Deus Ex Machina of footsteps interrupted the monotony. Sally suggested that it was the goblins again, and while it seemed strange that they could catch up so quickly, it wasn’t worth the effort not to believe him.

At his request, we stepped up our pace. I kept insisting that nothing bad could possibly happen to us, but he wouldn’t budge. Unlike us. Get it? Unfortunately for Sally, though, I’d never been a fan of physical activity, so I was in pretty bad shape and decided that I might as well take my chances.

I stopped before exhausting myself too much. “You can go on ahead if you want, I’m just gonna wait and see what happens.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to stray too far from each other.”

“Well, do what you want then.” I sat down, criss-cross-applesauce.

As the goblins closed in, I shouted toward their supposed direction. “Can you all, like, carry us, or something?”

Sally tapped my shoulder. “Becoming permanently invisible takes a lot of mental fortitude, so they had to give up their ability to speak.”

“That sounds retarded. How does invisibility take mental fortitude?”

“The reason… hasn’t been uncovered yet.”

Although they didn’t understand what I asked, by pure coincidence the goblins hoisted us onto their shoulders and began climbing. It felt like crowd surfing at a concert.

It was quite cozy up there, and because my sleep had been disrupted by the fall, I decided to take a nap until we reached wherever we were headed.

After travelling for who knows how long, I was awoken by a sudden stop. The goblins threw us on the ground, and started to head back to the bottom. That was rude, but maybe their invisibility was range-dependent, or something equally stupid.

Well, it wouldn’t have mattered what I did, because it would’ve turned out well no matter what, so I decided to feel around the wall. Obviously, the first brick that I pushed gave in to my touch, and the surrounding wall parted to unveil a tunnel.

We entered the passageway and came into a small, circular room, with an archway on the opposite end that I guessed was a portal or something similar. I mean, if it wasn’t a portal, it would definitely become one if I tried to step inside.

“Sally, go walk through that arch.”

“Why?”

“It’s a portal.” I had hoped that saying this would make it even more unlucky if I was wrong.

“And… what if it’s not?”

“Then we’ll both die emaciated husks, right here.”

Sally went through, and disappeared. Shocking, I know.

I followed right after and was transported to the peak of one of several adjacent mountains. There was a large, evil looking castle sitting picturesque in the valley below. I led the way down a well-maintained trail that, lo and behold, marked a path directly to the castle gates.