《Hunting for jade beauties~ A trash novel》21. Pitcher

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Walking out of my realm, I carefully step past the stalagmite of shit.

One of the upper sewage pipes near the entrance is burst and leaks feces 24/7. It happened a couple of years ago, yet no one bothered to fix it until now.

The state simply has no money for such trivialities, they are too busy fighting the dangerous western homopropganda that, not unlike Napoleon and Hitler before, threatens the independence of our glorious state.

So the sewage leaks, and during winter it freezes, forming something resembling a stalagmite.

However, right now it’s not winter yet, so the ‘stalagmite’ is very metaphorical…..

[Quest: strategy meeting with Vanya]

I make my way to the location marked on my minimap. It’s near an abandoned warehouse on the edge of the town.

The shrubs around are white from all the trash and bottles lingering around. It’s one of the favorite meeting spots for local drunks, hobos and gopniks, such as us.

Vanya is already waiting. I brought a bottle of Finlandia, he brought a pack of cigarettes.We share a smoke and a drink in a cordial atmosphere.

While telling him about all my worries, I lazily pick up a nearby stone, and throw it at one of the windows of the warehouse.

[Throw failed: +1 exp]

The stone bounces off the wall and ricochets back at me.

I let out a high pitched scream, and cover my head just as the stone flies past me.

Vanya laughs.

"You scream like a suka! I'll show you how it's done!"

He slowly picks up a brick, then assumes the pose of a baseball pitcher, raising his leg up, and making a menacing facial expression.

If you want to know how mencing he looked, imagine little ゴゴゴゴ flying around him.

......and then he loses balance and falls over.

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"Blyat, if only I were sober!"

We both get angry and resolve ourselves to break these pesky windows no matter what.

[Quest: kills the windows]

I take several stones at once, and barrage the window with danmaku of bullet hell. Some of them hit, and the window breaks apart into tiny little shards.

Vanya has a strategy of his own. He bravely closes the distance to his chosen window, and throws a stone at it at point blank. Nice thinking, Vanya!

Knowing I can’t be any worse, I switch to a melee weapon and picking up a nearby stick, charge alongside the wall, hitting and breaking all the windows like a mounted warrior in M&B.

[Quest: ‘kill the windows succeeded! +20 exp!] [+evil]

I am not surprised that I got some evil point for that. After all, I showed them no mercy. I slaughtered them all, women and children too.

Just as we are high fiving, congratulating each other on this splendid heroic crushing total ultimate victory, a bald fat man wearing a leather trench coat runs out and screams at us.

“WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU SVOLOCHY DOING TO MY WAREHOUSE!”

[Negotiate]

[Fight]

>[Run]

And so we take flight, our strategy meeting never concluded. In a rush, we also ditch a bottle of vodka, which was barley half empty, but its noble sacrifice is what allows us to escape unharmed.

This is the second time a Finlandia sacrificed itself to save me, and I can feel tears pricking my eyes.

At this rate, I’ll have to drink denature!

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