Epic military music plays from my left earphone and can feel my heartbeat accelerating from anticipation, as the familiar logo ‘Valgernon 2’ appears on my computer screen.

Why just left? Well, that’s because the right earphone was broken and I didn’t have enough money to buy new headphones.

Anyway, Valgernon is a mecha air fighting game where you design your mech and engage in fast-paced combat with other players! The reason why it’s popular in this country is not that it’s a good game, but because it’s free, and no one here can afford to play paid games. But I actually like the gameplay a lot!

What does it have to do with my quest for jade beauties...uhuhuhu….

I’ll have you know that I’m something of a genius. You see, temporarily not being able to obtain any jade beauties, I decided to become one myself!

Now don’t get me wrong, this is only an ad-hoc solution!

At any rate, I painted my mech pink(girl color) and changed my in-game name to Little Long Dongina-er.

[Quest succeeded: successfully played Valgernon, +1 exp point to every skill!]

Holy shit, to every skill!? This is soo op! I need to play Valgernon more.

[Main Quest progress updated: obtain jade beauties. One jade beauty was obtained. +10 exp points!]

[Level up!]

Uhh, not now. I’ll allocate the points later.

I turn on the mic and tried to make my voice as high-pitched as possible.

“Hiii guyss, I’m a new girl”

“Who is this retard?”

“Dunnom some fag”

“Wait, long dong? The fuck happened to you?”

“Just mute him”

[Persuation: failed +1 exp]

Not gonna lie, normally this would have made me quite upset, but Ultram is already kicking in and I am only feeling sedated and blissful and nuffin at all is able to bother me anymore~

After finishing several matches (I’ll have you know that even drugged I’m super good at this game) I notice my steam messenger is blipping.

My friend, Grimm, messaged me two hours ago! But I didn’ hear it. Let’s see what he wrote…

“Fusak ovetssoed dpg ghlep”

This translates to ‘Fuck, I overdosed dph, help’. I have Universal Translator talent that allows me to instantly understand any language as long as the people speaking it are fucked up enough. And by the looks of it, Grimm is pretty fucked up.

“Cyka, are you ok dude?”

No answer. I’ll check on him tomorrow.

Grimm is my sworn brother, too. Although I have no idea how old he is or how he looks like, I know he also strives to become no.1 under heavens, and to that end, engages in various dangerous demonic unorthodox cultivation practices.

A loss of such a talented individual would hurt me deeply on a spiritual level.

[Quest: check up on Grimm later]

Oh, that reminds me. I’m yet to allocate skills.

Hmm…..so far I’ve been failing intimidation and persuasion checks a lot.

Let’s allocate a point to Charisma then!

[CHR 6-->7]

Knowing I’m 1/6th more charismatic than I was before, I soundly fall asleep shortly afterwards.