From Bright Port, it was a few days trip by sea to the kingdom of Serene. As their boat approached the city, Roland could see an enormous stone statue of Eliza that towered over its surroundings. It depicted her as she would have looked during her journey with the Chosen: A teenaged princess wearing a tunic, knee-high boots, a cape and the type of hat that a wizard would own. This was Eliza’s iconic outfit, although Roland never understood it. Eliza was not a magic user and instead fought her opponents in hand-to-hand combat. So, in addition to the outfit looking ridiculous and like nothing that a princess would ever wear, it seemed completely impractical for her fighting style. Perhaps that was part of her charm and continued popularity? A young girl who rebelled against not only the social structure in Relmgard but also good taste in fashion? That must be it, thought Roland, as he chuckled to himself.

The Archfiend had a built a safe house on the edge of the city so the trio headed there. This would serve as the staging ground for their plot against Eliza. As they approached the building a local man saw where they were heading and shouted a warning at them.

“I would not go near that house! It has swallowed up thieves and travellers alike. An infernos presence must lurk inside.”

“Thanks for the colorful warning,” said Mallory. “We’ll keep our eye out for possessed futons.”

When they entered the house, Roland immediately knew something was off. Then, what started off as a faint rattle quickly built to high pitch scream. The sound of glass smashing echoed into the foyer. The main door slammed behind them and the floorboards began to warp.

“Save the theatrics for the tourists, Ella,” shouted Mallory.

Immediately the noises stopped and the entrance hall returned to normal.

A feminine voice cackled, “How do you know my true name?”

“Ugh. Not this true name bullshit,” said Mallory. “Everyone knows it. It’s written on the mailbox outside.”

A growl went through the halls.

Mallory continued, “We’re the children of the Archfiend and we’re going to stay here for the next month.”

“Lies! The Archfiend has no children.”

“I didn’t realize a piece of real estate was so well informed on the Archfiend’s personal life.”

“Mind yourself or I will incinerate you where you stand! I have total control over the space inside my walls.”

“Please,” said Mallory. “You can’t defy the orders of someone who knows your true name.”

The house growled once again.

“Yeah, life’s tough all around,” said Mallory. “Get over it.”

“Say, Ella,” said Nick. “Dad always told us that you made some absolutely legendary - his words - blueberry pancakes. I know it’s already late in the afternoon, but, I was thinking, let’s have breakfast for dinner!”

Another growl.

“As you command,” said the house.

Nick explained to Roland how this house came about. The Archfiend created it from one of his lieutenants using a class-change spell.

“He was discussing the idea of the perfect servant and thought, ‘Hey, what if the whole house was always at your command?’ Once again, though, his quest for perfection and lateral thinking yielded … well, you’re standing in it.”

“It also settled a bet about whether or not `house’ was a valid class in Relmgard,” added Mallory. “It was.”

“Why hasn’t the Archfiend visited me recently?” said the house. “How long has it been? Months? Years? I can’t tell. He refused to change my class back because he’d grown attached to this structure. However, when he last left he promised that he would find a new vessel for my spirit and release me from this prison. Where is he?”

Mallory and Nick looked at each other.

“Fair question,” said Nick. “So minor update on that, the Archfiend was killed by the Chosen.”

“Impossible!” said the house. Everything began to shake.

“Also, second piece of news,” shouted Nick. “Magic no longer works so I wouldn’t pin too much hope on being transferred to a new body anytime soon.”

The shaking gradually subsided.

“It’s like I’m back in my original body and a Celestial just shit down my throat,” said the house in a very dejected voice. “I’d say burn me down but I’ll just reform a few days later.”

“Speaking of shitting down your throat …” said Mallory.

“Third door on the left,” sighed the house. “You certainly have your father’s wit.”

***

The Queen’s tournament wasn’t for a few weeks, so Mallory and Roland thought that they had plenty of time to prepare. This turned out to not be the case. The body swapping cantrip required a reagent called drake blossom powder. It is made from an uncommon flower that was mostly known for the sense of euphoria and numbness it caused when smoked or snorted. Unlike Bright Port, where the rule of law was always second to the pursuit of commerce, the authorities in Serene took a less liberal stance on drug use. Nick decided to explore the Serene nightlife with the hope of connecting with a dealer.

During this time, Roland registered for the Queen’s tournament. He used his forged passport so he would be competing under the name ‘Howling Butz.’ He also thought about the house that they were staying in. If magic didn’t work, how was it able to do so many things that seemed on the surface to be magical? Maybe magical objects still worked? Certainly, the Sword of Retaliation and the Blade of Virtue both appeared to be functioning as intended. If what Talon had told them about Sera was true, then the Obsidian Staff still worked as well. Was this somehow connected to his own magical abilities? Perhaps he should test the limits of the Ella’s powers?

This speculation had to be put on hold as, after spending an entire week going out every night and returning early in the morning, Nick met the right people at an underground slam poetry recital and was able to get a bag of drake blossom leaves. Handing it to Roland he said, “Don’t use it all. I want to blow a few rails later. Need to unwind and take the edge off of a stressful couple of weeks.”

This was only the beginning of their problems, though. Neither Mallory, Roland or Nick had any idea how to turn the drake blossom leaves into a powder that could be snorted. This lead to more wasted time as Roland scoured the various bookshops in Serene, trying to track down a recipe or preparation procedure for making the powder from the leaves. As the powder was illegal, this was a long shot. In the end, all he found was a document describing the history of the drug trade in Southern Relmgard. After some crude calculations based on the numbers in that report, he came to the conclusion that they would require about a hundred times the amount of leaves that they had to even have a chance at making a useable amount of powder.

With time running out, Roland decided to use alcohol to make a tincture with the leaves. Maybe the active ingredients for the spell would be extracted by the alcohol and they could drink it? During this entire process he had come to adopt Mallory’s cavalier attitude towards magic. For some reason, he was no longer that concerned about the potentially fatal consequences if the spell went awry. Perhaps it was because that, after Nick got a hold of the leaves, Mallory had told him that they should exchange fluids just like in the sex book. Was this outcome subconsciously allowing him to take greater risks? Of course not, he thought.

***

The morning of the tournament, both Roland and Mallory changed into robes and sat in lotus positions facing each other on her bed. After sharing sips of the drake blossom tincture until it was completely gone, Roland said the gibberish power words “Cinder Balance Interior” like in the book and then stared into Mallory’s amber eyes.

Despite the alcohol and drugs in the tincture that he had just consumed, Roland’s anxiety was building by the second. He knew what he was supposed to do next but stayed completely frozen. Thoughts of Mallory’s natural beauty and how she might kill him if he even tried to touch her left him paralyzed.

“You’re such an idiot,” said Mallory as she leaned forward and began kissing him. With that he felt relief. Such a simple act seemed to make everything that had happened to him since Sages’ Keep worthwhile.

“Use your tongue,” she said, before kissing him again. After a few minutes, she opened his robe and pushed him back. She lay on top of him and they continued to kiss. He realized her robe was now open as well, as he could feel her skin against his.

With his anxiety gone, lust now drove his actions. He moved his hands across her back and then over to her front where he could feel her breasts. She stopped kissing him and, to his surprise, moved up allowing him to suck on her nipples. In a moment of impulse, Roland flipped her over so that he could better explore her body with his hands and mouth. Eventually, she pushed him back so that he was on his knees looking over her. With her legs spread open, she was completely exposed to him.

Once again he hesitated. He knew what to do next, just not how to actually do it. He could see her smirking as he fumbled around at their hips. It crossed his mind that this was certainly the most patient that she had ever been with him. Was she actually enjoying this? He rubbed around and was finally able to slide inside of her. At this point, he leaned over to kiss her again.

“I’m an idiot?” he said smiling at her.

He then did the only motion that felt natural and steadily thrusted back and forth. A blissful sensation began to build. This caused the speed of his rhythm to increase as he had the urge to be overwhelmed by this new feeling. Finally, he reached a peak that was an exhilarating mix of raw emotional and physical pleasure. With that, he finished inside of her. As he relaxed, he began to pull out but Mallory stopped him.

“No,” she said. “The cantrip still hasn’t worked.” He had completely forgotten the reason why they were doing this. They lay side by side and continued kissing.

Then, the joyfulness from this experience came to an abrupt end. Soon Roland felt something completely new. Like he was no longer attached to his own body. It was as if he had fallen through the floor of the room into a bottomless ocean. He was sinking but also watching himself from up in the sky. He tried to resolve this paradox and pinpoint exactly where he was but the uncertainty overtook his reasoning as well. There was no control only chaos. Then, there was nothing but also eternity.

Roland slowly regained focus and saw that he was now staring at what he thought was his own reflection. However, it stood up and left the room. He tried to get up to follow it but found himself instead running through a field covered in snow. It was cold outside but the bright sun warmed his skin. There was an old man who looked like some kind of knight or soldier moving swiftly ahead of him.

Roland stopped and looked around. In the distance he saw mountains that reached into the clouds and sprawling fortifications along the ground. The old man was carrying a spear, not unlike the one Mallory uses. Roland ran his hands over face and body. Everything felt completely alien. At his feet was a puddle of melted snow. He kneeled down and looked at his reflection in the water. What he saw staring back at him was the face of a young girl.

“Mallory! Keep up!” the old man shouted.

Instinctively he stood up and started running again. He must be in Mallory’s body, but why is she so young? Where is this place? Who is that man? Lost in thought, Roland was no longer paying attention to his environment. He slid on a sheet of ice that was hidden beneath some fresh snow and fell backwards. After he smashed into the ground he opened his eyes and saw that he was back in familiar surroundings. Mallory was sitting in front of him staring into his eyes.

“Mal?” said Roland. “Who was that old man with a spear?”

“What?” she said. “I’m the only one here.”

Roland got up and looked around, he was in total control of his senses once again. He began to panic.

“It didn’t work,” he said. “I’m still in my body.”

“It worked,” said Mallory.

Roland looked outside. The sun had just risen when they started the cantrip and now it had almost completely set.

“I won the tournament. You’re going to meet Queen Eliza later tonight.”