As the group approached Talon, two guards came up to Mallory and asked her to leave the package she was carrying at the door. She wasn’t carrying her normal spear, instead she had what looked like a sword wrapped in several layers of cloth. She did not want the two guards to inspect it closely so she was polite and told them that she’d pick it up when they left. People in Relmgard carried weapons all the time, so this exchange wasn’t that unusual.

As they walked over to the couches, Talon watched them while sipping on a bobble tea. He was wearing what looked like a white pirate’s shirt with a huge neck opening that exposed most of his chest chair. Around his neck hung what looked like an incredibly cheap ankh necklace. Talon was often depicted as a fat, jovial merchant in the various accounts of the Heroic Age but the man that Roland was looking at was only a bit chubby and did not seem very pleasant.

“You’re Tanner’s friends here to watch the races?” he said as they got closer. “Take a seat. Help yourself to some food. It’s not all bobble-themed. That shit gets old fast. Except for the tea, in that case the bobble-branding is genius. No coincidence that I own all the rights.” He paused as he exchanged a fist bump with Tanner. “Originally all of my branding was ‘Big’ but I rebranded with ‘Bobble’ because ‘Big T’s Teas’ sounds stupid. Tanner’s idea. So he gets a cut. I’m good like that.”

Roland picked up a snack off of the spread that was sitting on the table.

Talon looked at him, “That’s just a soft pretzel. No bobble tie-in there.”

Talon snorted, then continued, “You three look like you’re cosplaying a toddler’s idea of what adventurers are supposed to look like. It’s like a three year old’s drawing come to life. Surreal.”

Roland could see several bobbles getting ready for the first race of the day. Some of them would deform their bodies into spheres and roll around while others would simply slither. However, there was one bobble that would compress its body and use its stored elastic energy to propel itself forward with a huge burst of speed. Or at least that’s what Roland reasoned that it was doing. Talon noticed that Roland was studying this unusual motion.

“That’s Bad Bounce Bobble,” said Talon. “20-to-1 morning line. Only a maniac would bet on him. Take a sure thing like Cold Cube of Molasses. Basically Gelatin Fox times five.”

Roland had no idea what Talon was talking about.

“That means he’ll fly,” said Talon. He then turned to Tanner. “Seriously Tanner, how do you even know these people? I thought you only hung around with 12 year old boys.”

“Nick and I were in the same frat,” said Tanner. “And that’s the age of consent? So what?”

Talon laughed, “Tanner is a degenerate in every sense of the word.”

“Tanner’s more of a friend of a friend,” said Nick. “Of a friend.”

The first race began and that changed the focus from the trio to gambling. Talon was quite animated during the whole process. After Bad Bounce Bobble blew a lead near the end of the race, Talon came over to Roland and shook his shoulders. This hurt Roland quite a bit.

“What did I tell you?!” Talon said. “Another bad bounce for Bad Bounce Bobble.”

***

As the racing continued, Nick found it difficult to maintain interest and had to stop himself from yawning. This didn’t escape Talon’s attention.

“Did you just swallow a yawn?” asked Talon.

“Yes,” said Nick.

“By the way,” began Talon as he looked at Nick. “Did Tanner tell you about the orgy later tonight?”

“No.” As usual Nick was unphased. “Never been much of an orgy guy myself.”

“Because you don’t have a functioning penis?” said Mallory. This was the first time she’d spoken since they’d been sitting with Talon. It got a chuckle from Talon.

“No, just so much prep work and clean up. Although I guess the marble floor ‘Big T’ put in should help with the latter. Can’t be comfortable though.”

“Any drugs?” asked Mallory.

“Uh yeah,” said Talon. “No half measures when this guy throws a party.” Talon pointed at himself. “And don’t worry about the hard floor, we mostly use these couches.” He now had a smile on his face. Roland didn’t hold out much hope about that being a joke.

Talon looked at Nick and continued, “You know, first and foremost, I’m a numbers guy. Always have been. And orgies are just the most efficient way to pad stats. They just are. I sometimes have to remind myself of that when I need to tell one of the randos that Tanner brings to these things to put on a mask.”

“So masks are a big seller with the orgy crowd?” asked Nick.

“They are. But it’s always going to be a niche market,” said Talon.

During this exchange, Mallory leaned over to Roland and whispered, “Look out Roland, this journey might go from R- to X-rated really fast. Did not see that coming.”

***

Late into the afternoon, Nick glanced at Mallory and Roland as he adjusted his glasses. This was the signal that Roland would need to ask Talon a line of questions that would be crucial to their plan.

“Hey ‘Big T,’ my pal Rol is a huge history buff,” said Nick.

“Well I’m sure Talon is tired of answering questions about his time with the Chosen,” said Roland. This setup had been rehearsed beforehand, although Roland still sounded like an actor reading his lines for the first time. However, Talon didn’t seem to notice or care.

“You’re not one of those morons from Sages’ Keep are you?” asked Talon. “I remember years ago a guy from there came to ask me a bunch of questions. Was his name William? Wilbur? Give me a second, I’ll get it.”

Of course, Roland knew he was referring to Wiburg. But, even though Roland thought it was far-fetched, he suspected that Talon might somehow be testing him so he didn’t say anything.

Talon continued, “Anyways, he came to ask me for first hand accounts of some of the major battles in our quest to defeat the Archfiend. I told him, that was like a million years ago. Also, I was a bench player for most of the journey - shoulder injury from youth Meteorball kept me out of most of the boss battles. But my appraisals of all the high-level gear that we found were probably the main reason why we were able to win. I mean you don’t want to put on a cursed belt when you’re four levels deep in a dungeon?”

“Why would you wear a belt you found in a dungeon?” asked an incredulous Mallory.

“What are you talking about?” said Talon. “What’s your deal? All the best stuff is in dungeons. And if you put on a belt you can’t take off you know what happens?”

“I would imagine that you’d eventually shit your pants,” said Nick.

“Ding ding ding,” said Talon as he turned to look at Nick. “I bet you don’t know any lute songs about that.”

“About literally shitting your pants?” Nick thought for a moment. “Only a couple.”

This exchange surprised Roland. Did Talon really just need to glance at Nick’s hands to know that he played the lute? Or had Tanner told him that Nick played the lute before today? Maybe. But maybe not. Roland had been caught up with the way Talon commanded the room with his crude humour and bluster. But when he made that last comment he had the realization that perhaps something more serious was going on here.

Roland refocussed himself and tried to get the conversation back to what Mallory had told him to bring up.

“And the Blade of Virtue? You found that in the Tower of Lok? Correct?”

“That’s what you wanted to ask me about?” said Talon. “Everyone knows that.”

“Actually,” said Roland. “I was wondering if I could see it. I’ve never seen anything forged by the Celestials before.”

“Few have,” said Talon. “But no, you can’t see it. I never take it out of its sheath anymore.”

Talon ran his fingers down the scabbard attached to his belt. He then rested his hand on the pommel of the blade that was inside it. Roland’s job was done. Earlier Mallory had told him to ask Talon enough questions about the Blade of Virtue until he gave away its location. Mallory had suspected that Talon would have it on him, but she needed to be absolutely certain. They had rehearsed several scenarios but it turned out that Talon revealed the location of the short sword without much trouble.

Greatly relieved, Roland changed the topic.

”Also, I was interested in some of the events that occurred after the defeat of the Archfiend,” said Roland. “For some reason there are very few accounts of the Twilight of the Heroic Age.”

“Twilight?” said Talon. “Look around, buddy. This is the Golden Age. Or the Gilded Age. Whichever one is better. Twilight! The disrespect.”

“Sorry, but do you know how Telos was destroyed?”

“Well that’s simple, Sera destroyed that city with the Obsidian Staff. Edwin and Louisia were supposed to spend their honeymoon there. I guess that was Sera’s wedding gift for them. Wild sense of humour.”

Sera, Edwin, and Louisia were three of the Chosen. It’s well-known that Edwin is married to Louisia. However, Roland had always thought that accounts of the Heroic Age implied that Edwin and Sera were at some point a couple. Does that mean Telos was really destroyed because of a lovers' quarrel?

“Are you serious?” said Roland.

“Uh yeah? Who cares?”

“Then tell me, what happened to Sages’ Keep?”

“Like what? Who built it? How would I know that?”

“No, who destroyed it several weeks ago.”

“First I’ve heard of that. Huh.”

Roland was unsure if Talon was playing dumb or was genuine.

“Wiburg!” Talon shouted. “That was his name. May take a bit longer but I’m still as sharp as ever.”

Roland asked Talon more questions about his ventures but he didn’t learn anything new. It did appear that Talon was every bit as horrible as Mallory had said. This became even more obvious as he tried to spin his actions in a positive light.

“I mean I maybe traded like a few hundred slaves,” Talon said at one point. “Also, when I took over that business it was rape culture central. I don’t get any credit for cleaning that up. Then I pivoted to gambling and bobble tea. But being an arms merchant will always be my true love. Just not profitable anymore. No more monsters to fight and no more wars now that we’re in charge. Gotta go where the money is.”

***

As the races started to wind down for the day, Mallory noticed that the two guards that were at the door when they came in had stepped out. However, the package she had brought was still sitting by the door. Everything was now in place. As one race ended, she saw her opening.

“Can you believe that straight trifecta bet hit?” said Talon. “Bobble racing is electric!”

“Exciting stuff,” sighed Mallory. “My nipples could cut through steel right now.”

“Well why are you here then?” asked Talon, tired of her sarcastic comments.

This is exactly what she wanted to hear.

“These two are here because they want to gargle your balls and hear about the time you didn’t show up to the most important event in the history of Relmgard,” said Mallory as she walked over to the package.

“I’m here because of this.” She lifted up the package.

“Take a look.” She walked back towards the couches and then threw it at him. “Can you identify it? No other merchant can.”

Talon began unwrapping the layers of cloth and saw that there was a weapon underneath.

“Well the scabbard is from the World of Darkness,” he said. “Let’s see the actual blade.”

The moment Talon put his hand on the grip, Mallory threw a bobble toy at him. He immediately unsheathed the sword and cut it in half.

“By the way I knew you were going to throw that before you did,” said Talon. “Can’t beat that reaction speed.”

A faint smile appeared on Mallory’s face. Talon had cut himself when he swung the sword.

“Don’t give me that smirk,” said Talon. “Of course I also knew you handed me the Sword of Retaliation and that it would cut me when I swung it. Oh no I’m bleeding to death! Please.”

Talon’s cut healed itself as he was berating Mallory.

He laughed. “Now I need a new pirate shirt and I have to go find a cleric to remove this cursed sword. Where’d you get this thing anyway? I heard it was lost in Dire Fortress years ago.”

Mallory didn’t say anything. She just stared at Talon. His left eye began twitching. He looked down at the blade for a few seconds. This seemed to cause Roland’s illusion to break and everyone could now see that the sword was coated in a viscous liquid.

“It’s coated in a thin layer of liquid that was invisible? Huh.”

The liquid wasn’t technically invisible, that would require much more powerful magic than Roland is capable of. Instead, he had just used a cantrip to adjust its refractive index to match that of air. This trick would only work on materials of uniform composition that were already clear, so it was impossible to make anything but simple fluids ’invisible.’ Roland got the idea from a book where a character was trying to hide an embarrassing stain. They were pretty sure that Talon would swing the sword even if the liquid wasn’t invisible, but Mallory didn’t want to take any chances.

“Poison? Are you -” Talon’s mouth stopped moving. He was paralyzed and his body was now completely frozen. The poison that Mallory had coated the Sword of Retaliation with would instantly kill a normal person, but for a member of the Chosen it only caused temporary paralysis.

Tanner had been watching this sequence of events unfold. As he slowly began to process what was taking place, he began to panic and run towards the exit to get the guards. Mallory saw this and cut him off. She kicked him in chest and then the throat. He began writhing in pain on the floor.

She then turned her attention back to Talon. He might as well have been a statue at this point. She walked over to him and unsheathed the short sword that was on his belt. She had been worried that he would use the Blade of Virtue to cut the bobble toy instead of the Sword of Retaliation so she had timed her throw perfectly.

“Figures that the Celestials would give you the tackiest looking weapon ever created,” she said. “The Blade of Virtue - what a joke.”

The sword’s color was an intense, bright red. Roland knew that it glowed red whenever it was near someone whom it deemed to be impure. This was used during the journey of the Chosen to identify a monster posing as a supposedly noble king. Whether Mallory or Talon - or both - were the impure ones here was unclear. If it was Talon, that might explain why he no longer took it out of its sheath.

Mallory didn’t waste anymore time. She plunged the sword into Talon’s chest and pulled it out. She then slit his throat. With that, Talon Tabor, legendary arms merchant and one of the Chosen, was no more.

Covered in blood, Mallory turned towards Roland and Nick. She licked one of her fingers and said, “This is the best day of my life.”