Chapter 49

7 months, 1 week, 5 days pregnant.

“So, does this mean you aren’t my sister?” Liliana’s voice was faint and her expression was cloudy.

Livia sets down her fork and knife, suddenly not hungry.

Amaya clears her throat and glances from the silent Beth, who sits beside her, and to Sen, who sits across from her and who was calmly tucking into his steak unconcerned. She coughs a bit awkwardly in the prolonged silence after Liliana’s words.

“Yes and no,” Livia says after a while, truthful.

“What does that even mean?” Liliana asks and sets her elbows on the table to grip her head.

“I’m sorry,” Beth says, and shakes her head, her honey eyes distant and confused, “I’m still a bit unsure about what you just said. I mean, it makes no sense. It’s impossible.”

“Which part?” Livia asks as she dabs at her mouth, and scoots her chair back to make room for her stomach, “The reincarnation bit or the memories from my previous lives?” She continues on, blinking slowly.

She hadn’t even gone in-depth about this world being only a game in her first life. When Beth and Liliana had stared at her like she was some alien that had possessed Livia’s body after she had begun explaining it, her mouth had clamped closed on expanding on the subject.

On the outside, her disposition was cool and unruffled while inside, her heart was attempting to beat out of her chest like a cold sweat dribbles down her neck. Her fingers twist into her plain black maternity dress below the table over and over again as she tries to will herself to calm the fuck down.

Maybe this was all a mistake after all. Livia should not have been so quick to let loose her most costly secrets.

But this was Beth and Liliana.

Beth, the woman who reached out to help her even when they were complete strangers. Beth, the woman who had been so relieved and genuinely happy to see Livia alive and well. The one who had taken Livia under her wing like an older sister without a second thought, like it was just meant to be that way from the very beginning.

And Liliana, her sweet baby sister who she practically raised herself. Liliana adored Livia even when the maids, their own father constantly bad mouth her and tried to turn Liliana away from her and against her. Her baby sister had stood by her through the rainy and stormy days of their childhood. Even when everyone around her had been accusing Livia of murder Liliana had stood by her all the way to the bitter end when they were forcibly separated.

Out of everyone on this planet, they were the two she could trust the most.

...Right?

“But why?” Liliana was mumbling as her slim fingers curl into her hair, “Why Livia? Why you?”

Her mind was a swirl of thoughts as her world turned upside down. Strange didn’t even cover it. Liliana felt like she was hovering above her own body like a ghost.

Was Livia who she said she was? Did that mean her real sister was still out there somewhere? Or was not-Livia her actual sister? What happened to the real Livia? The way the person in front of her was talking about it, it was like she had taken over the body of her older sister. But that couldn’t be. Livia had always just been Livia to Liliana. The Livia before her was all that Liliana ever known, but still.

And what about Livy?

Her sister's shadow-self existence made a lot of sense now.

Because to Livia, or whoever the person really was before her, this would be her third life. That's what she said, wasn’t it? That she had been reincarnated before. That she had a lot of memories stuck in her head because of it, and that was why she needed those pretty memory stones.

Does that mean Livy was her past self peeking out somehow? Liliana felt a cold shiver slither up her spine. This whole time, she had always thought because Livy was a part of her sister, that she could trust them unconditionally.

After all, just like her sister, Livy had only wanted to help Liliana. To make her healthier, more energetic, normal. And it had finally worked. After so much time, her faith in her sister had not been misplaced, or so she had thought. Liliana had never felt so alive. She was practically brimming with energy, but now she comes to a sudden realization.

Was it Livy who had drained her sister of her magic?

It had been so normal, like stepping back into the routine they had before Livia had been exiled, Liliana hadn’t even thought to question it until now.

Did that mean Livy knew what they were doing?

That they knew what it would cost her sister, their host body, and still, they did it anyway?

Liliana shudders and hugs herself, disturbed.

“I don’t know,” Livia answers honestly, and Liliana does not glance up at her words, staring at her rapidly cooling food with conflicting emotions written all over her face.

Livia sighs and massages her temples.

Even after all this time, she was no closer to discovering why she essentially went on autopilot the moment she met Rodale during her childhood. She had wanted to be exiled. She had wanted to get away from the OG storyline as fast as she possibly could while hanging onto her life.

But why?

Livia could easily conclude the answers lies solely in the memories that were still locked off to her. The ones of her second life. She still only had access to dry and bare-bone knowledge, it was almost like a second sense, a vague feeling in the dark, then anything resembling the clear-cut memories of her first life.

Before she was Livia, she had been someone else in the world of Ethetia. Someone who hadn’t been human. Someone who lived past the span of a normal human life in this world. Thousands of years, no, more than that, and even so, her hands had looked young. She must have still been in her prime, maybe even in her youth.

“Who were you? I mean, who are you?” Liliana looks up, her red eyes watery and in obvious distress.

That, she could answer. Before, when her memories were still so new, she had drawn a complete and eerie blank, but now, it has finally come back to her.

But...was that really important? Given how Liliana latches onto the table cloth with a sort of desperation on her face, Livia supposes it is. Still, she was hesitant to answer. The question was a rather tricky one after all. One she did not have the full answers to.

“In my first life,” Livia starts and then sighs, “Well, in my first life, I wasn’t anyone of importance. I was just some girl who wasn’t keen on the outside world or people in general but still social enough to have a job and one or two friends. That girl loved watching animations regardless of her age, spent way too much time playing games, and was always lost in her own head dreaming of the impossible. By the time that girl muster up the courage to do something with her life, to actually mature and step into society, well, by then, she had wasted a lot of time and her life thread was cut abruptly.”

Beth blinks and looks up from the half-eaten plate she had been trying to find the meaning of life in.

“What was that girl's name?” She asks softly.

Livia's eyes waver and she looks down at her lap. Her belly was still. Her son was sleeping at the moment, curled up on one side of her stomach, causing it to look a bit strange. He must be tired as of late. Now that all her magic was going to him, he has begun to grow rapidly in size. Livia's hand falls to cradle her stomach stilling her fidgeting fingers. She swallows hard and looks up.

It wasn’t a big deal. It was just a name. Her name.

So, why did the words feel like a stone lodged in the back of her throat?

Livia swallows again and opens her mouth.

Liliana suddenly bolts to her feet.

“I-I can’t do this,” Liliana says and backs away from the table with her hands out in front of her. As if any one of them would suddenly lash out and hurt her.

“This is all just too much, I mean, I-I just can't I-” Then her red eyes landed solely on Livia.

Livia struggles to her feet as a well of dread swirls into a stone in her belly. She reaches out, her expression flickering, breaking.

“Liliana, wait-”

“No,” Liliana flinches back and nearly stumbles over the bassinet that Livia had kept near the bed. She quickly straightens it up before she suddenly turns around and bolts out the door.

Livia is moving forward on instinct. Trying to follow after, because Liliana was really upset, and Livia knew how she got when she became like this and she shouldn’t be alone. Liliana never did well when she was alone. She shouldn’t be alone. She wouldn’t be because Livia was back, her big sister was back.

“Liliana, please,” Livia says as she ignores the calls of her name as she tries to waddle after her sister, “Just wait, let's just talk about this,” She called out, reaching out to try to touch a shoulder.

At the ghost of a touch, Liliana twists away and with a burst of startling speed, she is at the end of the long hallway and making a sharp turn. Livia catches a glimpse of her red, tear-streaked face before one of the royal guards Grail had assigned to her steps into her way.

“My lady, you mustn't go any further without a proper escort,” he says, landing a heavy but gentle hand on her elbow, blocking her view.

Livia instantly slaps it away with a snarl, fully intending to go around him. But then, Sen is beside her, along with Amaya.

“It’s late,” Sen says simply with a closed-off expression.

Amaya smacks him sharply over the head, giving him a dark look, “Do you have any emotions at all?” She hisses to him before she turns to Livia, her eyebrows still drawn up, her shoulders tight with tension.

Though she hadn’t said anything, remained perfectly professional, and in-line as always, she seems to have been of the same opinion of Sen. That Livia should have kept her mouth closed. Because obviously, that would have been the logical thing most people would do in Livia’s position. She only had the advantage when fewer people know who she really was.

But even so, Livia had thought...had hoped...

Before Amaya could say anything to her she turns on her heel and walks back to her room in silence.

When she is standing in the doorway, Beth pauses in cleaning up dinner.

They stare at each other.

Instantly, Livia hates the feeling that her insides have been carved out and left exposed and open in the air. The familiar and sickening feeling of vulnerability coils around her, and she can feel her finger twitching, her memories providing the spell, the urge to rest things, to erase and rearrange the memories of her caretaker, the spell almost a breathing animal in her brain, wanting out.

But of course, she couldn’t use it.

Not now.

Her magic was gone.

Livia could not fix this mistake with a snap of her fingers.

Not this time.